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I have two children with my ex wife, who I see regularly every other weekend. I used to see them once a week for the afternoon from school but having changed jobs I am no longer able to do so as she says it is too late for me to see the children. I miss them too much so am going to change jobs again so that I am able to see them weekly on top of the alternating weekends that they stay with me.
Recently, the ex questioned the amount I was giving her for child maintenance, which was actually nearly double what I had to pay on my salary. She didn't believe me so took me through CMS who have now assessed me and told me I have to pay her 50% less than what i was giving her previously, despite her lying about how many nights a week I have the children which works out as 1-2, not less than 1 a week as she has claimed.
Having been proved wrong and made a rod for her own back, she is absolutely fuming. I have offered to pay extra but only by directly paying the invoices for clubs and activities for the children which is what the extra money I was giving her previously in our family based arrangement was meant to go towards. However, she is so angry that she is refusing to talk to me about anything further at all.
Since all the money issues have come up, she has stopped the children from answering their phones to me and although currently nothing has changed with access, I have reason to believe she will start to make access very difficult out of spite as that is the kind of person she is. She already changes weekends that I am meant to have them by telling me they won't be able to see me rather than asking nicely if it is ok to swap weekends and her whole attitude is very much that it is up to her when I am able to see my children.
We went to court previously for a separate urgent access matter and the judge ordered that we attend mediation to sort out the rest of the access going forward. However, she refused to do so, so now I have no choice but to take her to court, again.
I am looking at the C100 form and it says to include the parenting plan, however after I previously offered to get things sorted outside of court using the parenting plan to save us both the money and stress, she is now refusing to discuss or even sign the form because she is bitter about the reduction in maintenance payments which she has brought on herself. She has tried to stop access to them previously because she wanted more money out of me so I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to make access difficult in order to get more money out of me again.
Do I have to complete and include the cafcass parenting plan even if she won't even look at it / communicate with me about it? She has generally not stopped my access to them every other weekend but I would now like to increase my access by having them overnight every week and want to get something in place to ensure I can speak to them on their phones regularly too.
Any help or advice much appreciated!
Hi don't worry too much about the parenting plan at this stage.
You say you went to court before? Was this a specific issue order or do you have a current child arrangement order in place?
It was for a specific issue order but I also wanted to get a child arrangement order sorted at the same time, however the judge ordered that we had to sort out child arrangement in mediation, which the ex is now refusing to attend claiming she can't afford it. So I have no other choice but to go back to the courts to get something put in place to ensure she doesn't start messing me around with access, my children have also stopped answering or returning my calls which I can only assume has something to do with the ex and her bitterness regarding reduction of child maintenance. I will struggle to be able to afford any legal fees so I am trying to decide whether I need legal representation or not...
It really is very easy to represent yourself and you can access support here and from other sources to do so. It isn't as daunting as it seems and many of our dads here do exactly that.
I can't predict exactly what will happen, but it's very likely the mother will claim the children don't want to have contact with you and at the first hearing, the most likely outcome is the judge will order you both to submit statements and for a Section Welfare Report to be undertaken and you really don't need a solicitor to get that far.
If you had recommendations in the report that you needed to contest and you ended up with a fully contested final hearing, you could then make the decision whether to rep for yourself or appoint a direct access barrister.
That being said, plenty of mothers do a complete turn around when they arrive at the first hearing and if that is the case, you could end up tying it up in one hearing and really wouldn't need a solicitor for that..
It might be worth attending a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area where you can get support.
Also consider buying Lucy Reed's book, Family Court Without a Lawyer, it's been a godsend to many of our dads.
Best of luck
Thank you for your quick reply and advice.
Looking at the C100 form and trying to fit what i need to into the tiny section for 3b - why you are making this application.
Do you think this would be enough info?...
Applying for a child arrangements order to have my children stay with me overnight from school once a week and Friday 3pm- Sunday 7pm every other weekend, and to be able to speak to them on the phone once a week. Previous family based arrangement for the past 18 months to have children stay Friday 3pm- Sunday 7pm on alternating weekends, with occasional weeknight stays. Am applying for child arrangements order as I would like more regular contact with the children for them to spend more quality time with their father but the respondent refuses to attend mediation.
Should I include a position statement as well or just wait until they ask for one?
Once I have submitted the form to court, do you know what happens next and how quickly they will be in contact with me and the ex?
At this stage, less is more and don't show your hand to the other side too much.
Just 'an order about who the children spend time with and when' is adequate.
Don't provide a Position Statement until you arrive at court on the day of the hearing.
Your PS needs to be very brief, no longer than 1-2 pages.
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