[Solved] Child arrangement orders and accusations of DV/Da

Hi there

How far along are you? Are you the applicant?

If she makes allegations, it will slow the case down, it’s likely the court will want further more detailed welfare reports, but usually if she doesn’t have any evidence to back up her allegations, the court will move the case forward.

Do you have written proof that she has said she will stop you ever having the children again? Or any other evidence such as abusive messages?

If you haven’t had your cafcass telephone interview yet, you will be asked about your relationship, if they have spoken to her first and she has made allegations, they will ask you about that. Try and be honest... I would just say that your relationship was volatile, both equally verbally abusive at times and physically abusive from her part on occasion,... mistakes were made on both sides, but that you just want to draw a line and move forward and be involved in your children’s lives.

Just remember that attitude is important, present yourself as calm and reasonable at all times. If she is a good mother, there’s nothing wrong with saying that.

Some people prepare a brief position statement to take with them to the first hearing, no more than a couple of pages, giving a little more detail about the background and what you would like the court to do.

All the best

Hey
Yes I’m the applicant . We have the fdrha. In about 6 weeks . She will have texts from me calling her various names which I know will look bad . Everything was true albeit not polite at all which I accept .i also have texts from her swearing at me and calling me a few choice names too also texts basically from her saying if I don’t pay for x I’ll be blocked from speaking to my kids etc .last Skype contact I had was her saying that she’d tell the kids I didn’t want to pay for their bithday party or gifts so live with that . I class that as emotional abuse /blackmail as I ,perfectly reasonably said I’d pay half and as you and your boyfriends kids will be there you should be paying half too ..there are a few messages saying if I don’t pay for x I won’t see the kids yes ...I also have messages saying she’s knows I’d do anything for my kids and recently correspondence between her and my solicitor saying she’s never stopped me having my kids on my weekends ... so clearly not that concerned until I started proceedings .she also is trying to get me to agree to “therapy “ and when I said if the court wants me to I will do any assement not or your day so she screamed down the phone she will make sure I never see them again , so that’s the basis of how I envisage proceedings will be ...

Hi,

I have just been through this process. one thing you have to be wary is that the courts do not like it when father tries to make ex look like a bad mother. cafcass have the same mentality too. my barrister advised the same. because if you keep pushing to make mother look like a nutcase (which may be true lol), cafcass and the courts will class you both as hostile parents. then they will say that you two must constantly argue in front of the children, and this damages them.

on your application, position statement, just keep it to the point and state that the mother has restricted/zero contact between you and the children a great deal, and you want contact increased. it is highly likely that cafcass and the court will not even be interested in those texts/calls/messages you have. everything you say to court and to cafcass must revolve around your children e.g. what is in the childrens best interests, and how you just want to see your children and remain a part of their life. only comment on the ex if your asked to answer to any allegations. just stay child-focused and you will be fine.

Hi and thanks for the reply .on my application all I said was aboht the contact being cut . As far as things have gone weve had disagreements in front of the kids but very few and far between has got to shouting in front of them . What are people’s thoughts on being litigant in person at least for the fdrha etc ? And any tips of preparing the bundle? I know from a very expensive divorce that I was charged a lot of money by solicitors to do pretty menial admin tasks ....

Lots of our members have self represented, some all the way through, some taking care of the preliminary paperwork/hearings themselves and using a direct barrister for finding of fact and final hearings. Some use a McKenzie Friend.

As far as bundles are concerned, it would generally be the applicants solicitor that prepares the bundle, if the applicant is unrepresented and the respondent has a solicitor, they will usually be tasked to prepare the bundle. If both litigants are without representation, the court will often forgo the bundle, but it’s advisable to keep a file with all documentation for reference.