[Solved] Child arrangement order - worst case scenario?

Hi,

Im sure there are successful and unsuccessful cases, however i believe the courts will look to have both parents in the childs life on the basis that there are no safeguarding issues. I would say the general contact that is granted is every other weekend and mid week contact if practically possible (based on distance between your home and their home/school) Also look for extended time during school holidays.

How old are your children?

My parnter was refused contact by his ex for 4 months and his daughter was 2 at the time and he was told to increase his time in a gradual manner - The mother raised concerns that the child would not be comfortable in his care as hes almost a stranger to her (this was absolute rubbish) but the court took it into consideration and set out for him to have 2 hours contact with his daughter with the mother present for x amount of time then increased to 4 hours for x amount of time then phasing out the mother being present and going to 6 hours then eventaully overnight just 1 night every other weekend.

2 years on he is looking to extend the overnight stay from 1 night to 2 nights but the mother has alledged many things such as domestic abuse/violence etc and so more investigating needs to happen as they need to ensure it is safe for the child and in the childs best interest - this is normal procedure and their way of making sure the best agreement for the child will be made.

Based on my partners experience i would say be prepared (depending on the age of your children) that gradual contact is put into place and ask for the order to state the progression to what you would like to achieve - this will prevent you going back to court in the future - there is no guarentee they will do this as they expect parents to build on the order themselves to suit the children but this doesn't always happen - hence why we end up in court.

I dont see why you shouldnt get contact if there are no safeguarding issues. Also have the advantage that you are a teacher (that gets school holidays off work so will always be available to care of your children during non term time) and that you are DBS checked etc.

They look at what arrangement works best for your children.

Any questions, im sure theres many others that can share experiences etc.

My advice would be to only contact her if she contacts you first and only ever via written message i.e. email, texts etc... keep it civil and calm…no threats or bad comments, if she turns it nasty then ask her to stop, if she doesn’t you then have grounds to ask for the police to step in and issue her a harassment warning….don’t let them fob you off….i did and it cost me a lot of stress trying to prove my innocence later on!

if she asks you to speak on phone or face to face refuse and ask her politely to put it in writing unless she’s willing to speak in front of the mediator or a solicitor who could then provide impartial evidence should you need it.

You mentioned there's been no DV or abuse between you....if she can't afford a solicitor then if she finds support from one of the men hater groups out there (opposite to this forum) she could start receiving all sorts or vile advice on how to gain the upper hand over you, how to stop you from seeing the kids, how to get you in trouble with the police etc…
if she is as unreasonable as some of our ex's are then don't put anything past her....i made that mistake of trusting she'd not sink as low as she did…it took months and months to fight all manner of untrue and vile allegations…my saving grace…every contact between us since we split was in writing and i could prove myself and that she was a deceitful liar.

The only way your ex can get legal aid these days is to cry that she is a victim of DV...until proven otherwise she will be believed and you will be villainised until you can prove your innocence.

Stick to what you solicitor advises, keep checking this forum for second opinions – don’t forget, as soon as a solicitor sees marital disputes and contact disputes they know they are in for a decent pay day if you can afford it….because they will know how much you love your kids and they will drag every penny they can out of you…

The first 2,1/2yrs using a solicitor cost me of £8500. I’ve self represented and used a Mackenzie friend for a few hearings since 2012 and i’m up to over £11k with still another £1.5k to find for my continued fight.

If there are no safeguarding issues, the court works on the basis that a child has a right to have a relationship with both parents.

A bog standard agreement or order (the latter being in place if they can't get you to agree) would be something like every other weekend, a night midweek and a share of special occasions and school holidays.

In theory it should all be quite straight forward.

You will get a call from Cafcass before the hearing and they will make recommendations to the court regarding the way forward.

Best of luck

Yoda mentions CAFCASS giving you a call before the hearing, check out some of the posts on how to interact with CAFCASS.

Keep all conversations with them child focussed and don't slag the ex off.

keep to facts you can prove and again, stay calm with them even if they ask some stupid questions or come out with things your ex may have told them, stay focussed on it being in the kids best interests to keep a relationship with you and to increase time with them not decrease time with them.

A quick update guys, your thoughts welcome on this.

Cafcass interview today went well, no reason for me to talk negatively about ex or raise any concerns about the boys being in her care. Then find out that she had raised a number of concerns which I obviously denied.

They focused on her belief that I am aggressive towards the children and overly strict and therefore they are reluctant to see me, hence her reason for denying contact. Up until last contact in August they were never reluctant to get in the car and spent time with me. Also some mention of a comment made by one of the kids to their GP about being smacked. GP referred this comment (assuming to social services???) but it was disregarded by them. Was shocking to hear these concerns and more worried that this is potentially damaging to my reputation as a teacher. I have informed my solicitor of the discussion that took place today and expressed my concerns about false allegations

Cafcass say due to nature of concerns it will likely lead to a section 7 being required. I have not seen the boys since August and this will likely lead to even longer delays, with the first hearing end of Jan. Can the court see through this and decide not to go with obtaining a section 7, seeing as the comment about a "smack" being dismissed? Or do they need to gain assurance regarding her concerns of aggressiveness?

Not seeing them over Xmas is going to be painful, but I can only hope that eventually I will get the contact that I deserve. I will likely end up dropping my legal representation as this is possibly the motive for her making such accusations and trying to force me into spending more money

Thanks everyone, appreciate any support

Chris

Courts are by their very nature cautious and with allegations having been made I would say that it’s more likely than not that the court would order a more in depth welfare report.

Self repping is doable and if you decide to go it alone we will do as much as we can to advise and support you, we have had many members that have done so with much success.

All the best

A s7 is a safe option for the court, just to be assured that there is no danger to children, but don't forget that it can make your ex's allegations look foolish when it shows that there are no issues.