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Hi
I think unless you have a shared care order, keeping the kids may cause you no end of hassle for any future court applicayions/hearings as your ex will then be able to argue that you cannot be trusted, that you keeping the kids when not agreed has harmed them, she could potentially call the police on you which means when your police record is looked into you will be on the system as someone having been spoken to about child abduction potentially... We all know it doesn't work the same for mothers and fathers and therefore it is better to navigate the system to the best we can and reduce the number of potential hurdles etc..
Often there is no point calling the police and SS when you have concerns as too many agencies complicates matters and often just leads to reduced/delayed contact for fathers...
In your situation maybe it could be worthwhile taking a step back to let things calm down and take the heat out of the situation and either via mediation or any mutual friends/family try to discuss what has gone wrong (the why isn't important to avoid the blame game) and consider what you both want and what's best for the kids and how that can be achieved.
All the best.
@Daddyup - this is the issue, we DO have a shared care order, but the wording around the additional holidays is ambiguous at best. It states I can have extra time as agreed. we agreed. Now shes revoking that because she's got the hump!
As for what's gone wrong... its a simple answer. Control. Me taking the decision to keep the kids of nursery, meant she lost control of the situation and it killed her. it's nothing to do with the children unfortunately. She's a controlling narcissist, of which emotionally abused me for years. Now i'm gone, she's weaponised the children and channelling her controlling nature through the children. This has been building, but the attempted break in was the straw that broke the camels back. The one and only way she can regain control, is to stop the children going on holiday. Not one person on this planet can say that's a good idea and in the best interests of the children.
Hi
What I meant by shared care was 50:50 across the board, from your original post I picked up you have the kids every other weekend and holidays etc. In the absence of 50:50 the mother therefore controls contact with you and has a lot more say. It shouldn't be like that but it's how the various agencies see it.
Once she withdraws consent your only option is to go back to court. As she is considered the primary carer, it's why when there was the dispute with the police the police decided to return the kids to her, you would then need to go to court to debate the finer points, as they say its a civil matter...
None of it is fair and we have all experienced it...
Hi MikeyC,
that wording about additional agreements between both parties is not legally binding. it simply implies that both parents can make additional arrangements about kids, on top of the court order, because they expect parents to be flexible in future and they can't decide everything for parents.
so she can agree and disagree, just like you, and then you can decide that as these additional arrangements are not working, you just fall back to the court order and stick with arrangements mentioned in there. sounds like your better off just sticking to the order in black and white. if there is anything important you want to add, like having 1 or 2 week holidays with kids, then I'm afraid it seems you would have to return to court and ask those these arrangements to be put into the order.
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