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Hi all, after some advice, I've had a court order with my ex going on 5 years now, everything has been OK regarding following it, but I have recently been offered training to be a HGV driver with Royal Mail (I'm currently a postman) and I have taken up the offer as the job has physically ruined me as ive been doing it for 20years but will mean shift work and working weekends, at the moment I pick my son up Wednesday from school and take him to school on Thursday,and then have him everyother weekend 5pm Saturday till 6pm Sunday but obviously at the moment I'm on fixed shifts at work so it's been fine but I've had a message from her mom (as I have a restraining order on my childs mother) so everything goes through her mom which makes seeing him difficult as it is when i want to or if i have spare time, she has said that with my new job I need to have everyother Saturday off as she needs her time bearing in mind she doesnt work or she is taking me back to court, I said I can't guarantee it as it will be shift work, I just want some advice from people who have been in the same situation with job change circumstances what happens if it goes back to court as its just not going to be possible to stick to the current court order,If it goes back to court I'm will be representing myself as I had to folk out 8k just to see my child for solicitors last time and I just don't have any funds to do that this time
hi,
when I was in court last time, I mentioned to them I was struggling to do school runs, and lost jobs because of it. they were not bothered. they just told me to find a more flexible job. so I have a feeling you will experience this approach. if she takes you to court because your not available to see kids, then that would be very silly on her part. child arrangement orders are based on the non-resident parents availability. e.g. order states mother to make kids available for you to see kids every other weekend. court can not force you to spend time with kids if you don't want to or not available. if your not available for whatever reason on some of those weekends, then your not doing anything wrong. if she does not take you to court, she may cause problems for you in future. such as when your available to see kids, then she refuses. if she does cause problems like this, then I would suggest if you could find a more flexible job that lets you work around childcare.
@bill337
Tbh it's a shocking situation, she was violent towards me during the relationship and after we broke up so was convicted of assault on me and my sister which results in a criminal conviction and a restraining order being put on her, so anytime I'm available I will have to go through her mom which is a pain tbh so I've just stuck to the court order set out as it is but if I can't see him when I'm suppose to with my new job it will be hard to see him any other time as there not accommodating at all and tbh I think they would rather me not see him at all, the problem is she gets everything for free as she doesn't work 🤦🏽♂️ so all the court and solicitors is free so she will have no problem trying to pull me up in court and give me a going over
Just makes me think sometimes why do we bother, some mothers make it so difficult and awkward I've only just payed the loan of for the first court appearance 5 years later
@james1 What are the arrangements for summer holidays, half term and special periods like Christmas and Easter?
1 week Easter, 1 week summer holidays, I get him Xmas night a 5pm and take him back 6pm boxing day
Family court expects parents to work together and be flexible. They certainly don’t expect parents to be back in court anytime someone has a new job.
However a child needs stability and so does your ex. The courts priority is a child’s best interest. Therefore their lives cannot revolve around your shifts.
Have you asked Royal Mail whether they can give you every other weekend off. After all, this is the main opportunity for you and your son to spend quality time?
Mid week contact could be difficult and might have to be replaced with another week with your son during half term or summer holiday.
Well it's hard for us to work together because of the situation with the violence towards me and a restraining order so no its not possible to be flexible, I also doubt royal mail would allow me everyother weekend off tbh, I'm contracted to them for 2 years then I can leave and get something Monday to Friday, I'll definitely beable to have him one night a week I would have thought but just won't be everyother Saturday so there is nothing I can really do about that, the everyother Saturday is all she cares about so she can go get smashed and act like 18 year olds again but she might have to forget that, if j can't have him then I can't have him at end of the day, and I'll never pass up a good opportunity to better myself and earn more money because she isn't happy she can't have a jolly up everyother weekend
@james1 Not ideal circumstances for either you three and your ex is rightfully disappointed that her personal time will be disrupted. Hopefully she will have overcome the disappointment in a few weeks. Unlikely but she will have to accept the new status quo. I'm sure you will have told her that you aim to pursue a more family friendly job in the future.
Well I haven't said anything yet, because I'm not sure what the shifts are they could be decent or they could be shocking, so was just after information really on what the courts would say if the worst come to the worst and she attempted to take me back to court kind of thing, I hope It does work out OK could do without the agro
Unfortunately in courts, you are at a disadvantage if you either:
-Live a long distance from the children's school.
-Have an unpredictable pattern.
Your first approach is to draft an email to your ex. Explain what will change and why. Express that you appreciate how the change will affect her negatively and propose ways that you could attempt to mitigate the impact. You sound like a very sensible and level headed gentleman and I have no doubts that you will frame the change in a way that doesn't read "Big changes are coming, they won't be ideal but you have to accept them"
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