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Hi , I have been divorced since 2012 and have a standing contact order to see my kids . My son is now 11 years old and wants to spend more time with me and ideally he says he wants to live with me. My ex is not at all prepared to allow any change to the contact order even though I have expressed how our son feels. I have had numerous attempts to discuss but am shut down each time as she refers back to the contact order.
My son has not fully expressed his wishes with his mum as she gets very cross and he does not want her to get angry . She is now using emotional blackmail with him to try to ensure no changes happen. What options do I have as I have committed to my son that I will do what is necessary to change the current contact order.
You could apply to vary the order but be warned...this could upset her and she could stop all contact during a process that could take months. If he has expressed that he wishes to stay with you then his feelings and wishes would be considered by a court at 11 years old.
The court would also wish to know how and if you can support having him full time
You do need to thread carefully on this one, and also be realistic with your child. You can apply for a variation, but would need to try mediation first. Like mavic wrote, in the best case scenario it would take months. In the meantime, the mother is going to be putting tremendous pressure on your son not to go. How will he handle that ? A lot of that depends on the dynamics of where and with whom he lives now.
You referred to multiple "kids". I think courts usually have a preference for not breaking up kids from their siblings, so that may make it harder to get an order for only one kid to live with you.
I don't know how often you see your kids at the moment, but if it's an every other weekend type order, I'd say that being able to spend more time with them could be a really good thing. Fathers matter, and at 11 he could really benefit from spending more time with you.
But you have to be realistic with him, it could easily take around 6 months going the court route, maybe more if the mother turns nasty.
If possible, try to phrase it to the mother in terms of her wishes and feelings. A random example to illustrate the point, maybe she struggles during term time holidays because of extra child care costs, so you could offer to look after the kids an extra few days saving her child care costs. Even if she disagrees and you end up in court anyway, you can at least show that you tried being reasonable and thoughtful.
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