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Hi Guys!
I had a great CAO agreed last September which gave me a 6:8 ratio and 50% everything else which I was pleased with.
It has become transparent the "lives with order" is being abused and my ex has taken excessive control over clothing, communications and lack of information around school/medical since. A bitter response taken to a legal letter in May claiming harassment. My communication with my ex is only email and centered around child issues only. It is another false claim (at court I had the usual DV,etc).
I want to change the schedule to Parallel Parenting to significantly reduce the conflict and control on a 7:7 basis (a change of just 1/2 day per week). I have reviewed the 2021 parenting plan and about to submit - she ignored the first.
Question is: What do I do?
I have legal to meet to submit the C100 addendum to the CAO and I have written the background and copious evidence leading to what would be a beneficial position for all concerned and I want "lives with" for both parents to avoid assumption she is superior which is what has happened.
I know she will reject this on losing maintenance though that is not my aim - her previous argument was that!
Any tips?
Given the legal letter of harrassment (and no more than that) do I still go to mediation?
The simply submission of C100 on rejection and start the fun all again?
It was an ardous time before taking 9 months and including Section 7 (no Fact finding required) and no safe guarding issues. Will CAFCASS be involved and given I can show benefit under the welfare checklist criteria for all points is this another leap of faith?
Any input appreciated!
hi,
If you want to return to court to change arrangements, I think you need to decide if this will benefit the children and if it's what they want. I would suggest not to mention things like parallel parenting. to court that will sound like you can not get on at all with your ex and co-parent with her. be careful as it can backfire, and some dads have returned to court and ended up getting less contact than they had before. sounds like you already have a great arrangement.
Contact the school and they will ensure that all communication is sent to both parents. This common and schools are used to pupils with separated parents.
You can speak with the child’s GP and ask for medical records.
The above actions will reduce contact with your ex and minimise the risk of conflict. In a nutshell, you need to reduce the amount of debates that you have with her, especially over emails which is good for record keeping but words can easily be misunderstood or come across as aggressive/hostile. There will also be occasions when somethings might be nice to discuss together but…….you can just let it go and not make a big deal out of it. It’s not an easy adjustment for parents to make, but avoid letting every difference in opinion snowball into an argument.
Focus on spending time with your child and making memories. You have a good CAO. Taking her to court for just an extra 1/2 is risky, will be terrible for your relationship as co-parents. As the previous poster mentioned, it could backfire and you could see a reduction in contact - especially if the Cafcass interview with your child is not in your favour.
Thanks both!
Useful feedback and things underway.
The issue is there is effectively no relationship and she has continued her control which extends to medical, schooling, clothing.
I have contact with GPs and school but the position is not sustainable.
My proposal is legal shared care and shared lives with as currently things too controlled and impact the present future opportunities for the children and are not in their best interests - she is motivated by emotion and being difficult and does not see the destruction. This is a continuation from prior to the C100 CAO and worsened since court direction last September.
It is 1/2 day but with that above it is an equal platform and both kids want it - and how as a father do I simply suck it up when I see it impacts them on a weekly basis....
I would be surprised given issues and evidence time is removed from dad - how does that benefit the children?
My question was however what do I do....go through mediation which I know will fail based on that above with the suggested revision and then addendum to C100?
I am going to touch base with legal representative who covered previously.
Cheers all!
Thanks. Can you specify what the exact issues with school and clothing are?
These are independent of whether who the resident parent is or whether you have a shared agreement. Schools are obliged to provide information to both people with parental responsibility.
Medical treatments/examination need consent from both parents. This is also irrespective of what the child arrangements are.
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