[Solved] Can't cope don't know what to do

hello bringing up a very old thread recap from the beginning I've been seeing my eldest since I got the court order so almost 2 years. obviously my ex is horrid still but plodding on sometimes arguing with current partner about them sometimes not..

weve been trying for a baby which finally its happend shes 3 months pregnant. we havnt told my eldest yet as my ex will interfier were staggering it so the dates are off by a few months so my ex doesn't no the exact date. this is due to the previous problems with ss and that my current partner is terrified my ex will randomly report us and stir stuff and she doesnt want to loose our baby like our last child explained in my original post...basically when we have the baby she doesnt want my older child coming around for a few months or untill shes ready as she wants to experience having a baby ect and worries when the babys young my ex can stir stuff as my older child goes back and tells her an vise verse. so she wants our own life for a few months untill we can cope or ready ect. obviously I'm conflicted I can see why and tbh understand its gonna be meta stressful and that and when babys bigger my ex can stir stuff less but I feel bad as my eldest wont be here. I would arrange to still see her on my days ect but take her out all day ect no overnights.

thing is am I doing the right thing or am I being horrible I feel so conflicted with it all I can see why shes worried and doesnt wsnt it but also feel bad. I no she only has her here for me shes not bonded with her ect as shes not hers.

Hi there

That's a hard call for you... but like you, I would be conflicted, cutting your eldest out of your baby's life for the first few months is harsh, they are siblings after all. I would be worried about the impact on the eldest child.

I can also see it from your partners point of view, it must have been a terrible time when they took your child from you, and if that was because of interference from your ex, I can see why your partner is concerned.

Only you can decide what is right for you, I can see it from both sides, unfortunately whichever way you turn, someone will be upset.

thanks for the reply it's a complicated situation I see my eldest once every 2 weeks I spoke more to my partner and she said gradually introduce ect so because were staggering when my ex knows well have the baby say November but my ex thinks december so she said let my eldest see baby xmas time for presents ect and baby should be 6 weeks ish if that makes sence so babys bigger ect but not do nights again right away as do a gradual adjustment.

it's a really horrible situation mainly because its not normal my ex is just strange and we both me and my partner are very cautious of it all after having our baby taken we just want a normal life so taking risks is extremely hard and I know if my eldest comes here and my ex makes any report which impacts us that my partner wont ever went her back in the house again.

do you think I should just support my partner thro the pregnancy help as much as possible ect then deal with it at the time

... I think that’s probably the best idea... you can talk about it from time to time, and she may mellow once she’s had the baby. At the moment her hormones will be all over the place anyway.

All the best

would you do what I'm.going to? if you were in my.position when we have the baby see my eldest just me so she sees me then slowly adjust back In how would you deal with it considering all.the stuff I mentioned ect

hi Lostinblac,

you started a new life by moving on and found a new partner. keep it like that. whatever happens in your life is none of your ex's business. i dont see whats wrong if your child sees the baby. you can delay it if you think your child will get confused or something. dont tell your ex any thing.

thanks for the reply it's a tricky one the main issue is my ex randomly reporting us ect and my eldest gets used as a weapon alot that was the main reason of delaying because then the baby will be abit older. but if you read the top post you'll see how messed up it really is and whays happend

I can understand why you’re feeling so torn... the pregnancy still has some time to go, so there’s time to talk your partner round.

I personally wouldn’t be happy at being asked to exclude my child, but your partner has been through a lot and because of that I think you just have to be more patient with her... the first three months of pregnancy can be difficult, with all the physical changes happening... hopefully things should start to improve. As long as the two of you can keep talking about it, there is hope that she will change her mind, when she sees how upset you are about it.

it's a odd one she says she understands and it's not.my daughter its my ex shes worried about the risk of my ex stiring and wants to enjoy pregnancy and newborn without worrying about ss and that my ex is very petty and twists alot . she said about my daughter meeting baby at xmas if all goes ok ect but not start sleeping over ect for abit till date settled she wants baby bit bigger and my hardy if that makes sense. it's a very frustrating situation she wo t change her mind about having her right away ect itll be me seeing her myself and bringing our daughter but not sleeping over ect so should I see that its better then nothing

Maybe, if you try and enjoy the pregnancy with her, she may see the effort you’re making for her and agree to compromise... just keep talking to her about it and she may come round.

another weekend another argument.

eldest Came then all going alright day later I mentioned something that involved her in the future think that I want a tv in room so they can all play xbox partner got angry saying it feels like nothing can be ours ect ect and it feels like it doesnt sepeate ect argued got dropped till today. we went out and my partner said she doesnt no how we can afford to have my eldest extra days in holidays as I normally get her every other but holidays get extra 3 days per 2 weeks give or take. basically were skint atm shes not working and I work part time any extra my ex claims loads more off us so sorta stuck between being skint to ok at times. what do I do. give up extra days so basically have every other weekend to keep the peace or just force it and then its awkward as [censored] here it gets tense and when we have no money my partner keeps getting annoyed as the ex claims off 2 x part ers for csa and gets tattos drinks the works while not working so there's even more resentment. it's such a had situation

hi,

if i was in your shoes, i would probably be offended if a partner wanted me to reduce contact with my child, and i would say no to that. she knew what she would be signing up to when she entered your life. if you are skint, then dont bother mention things like xbox. maybe you can put off holidays, or just take short trips within UK, like weekend getaways.

are you only working part time, so that your ex cant take more money off you? someone in my family suggested i reduce hours or give up work for a year lol. that would be silly, as the ex would still be controlling my life in a sort of way. i dont want to go down that road.