[Solved] Can my ex stop my girlfriend seeing our child

In my experience Exs can do what ever they want, restrict access etc.
Before going to Court you need to try mediation. This process aims to get an agreement without going to court, and as you have already sorted finances you might be able to resolve access and get the agreement submitted to court for approval (no need to attend court if you both agree). If mediation does not work and your Ex continues with the restrictions then you need to look at the court route and you can represent yourself to save costs.

Thank you she is not stopping me having access to my child at all she is just saying that my girlfriend can't be with me when I have her. This is unreasonable. I thought that legally she couldn't stop me as surely when my daughter is staying with me its up to me who she comes in contact with as I have parental responsibility. My ex has introduced my daughter to 3 boyfriends now since we split. I have been in this relationship for over 12 months and I never introduced my daughter until I had been with my girlfriend 6 months which was what my wife asked for. She however introduced her boyfriend in a matter of weeks! I have heard she can get a PRO from court but only if my girlfriend was a risk to our child? I just want to know where I stand she has said I can take her to court if I'm not happy but isn't she the one who needs to go to court to get a restriction in place?

Hello harley73,

It is good you have an arrangement for child contact with your Ex but it is not legally binding.

Your Ex appears to want to control certain aspects of your contact with your child. When this happens and the Ex does not get their own way, they very often stop all contact with the father for no other reason than to be spiteful. There isn't anything to stop them doing this as there is no Court Order for contact.

To get a Contact Order you need to go through the court system and there be no welfare issues. It would stipulate dates and times of contact with your child which would need to be religiously adhered to by mother and father. At which point your daughter would be entirely in your charge and you would then be free to introduce her to any acceptable person and also take her where ever was appropriate without having to consult or get the mother's approval.

Parental Responsibility is proof of paternity which you have and would need to apply to the courts for a Court Order. P.R. alone is not legally binding in the sense you do not have automatic contact rights because of it and if your Ex wants to be awkward and restrict access she can. Totally wrong I know but this is what happens to many fathers who go through [censored] because of the attitude of vindictive women who use their children as tools to get at the father.

It is in your place to take the matter to court to get a Court Order for contact not your Ex. I don't understand why you ask, quote "isn't she the one who needs to go to court to get a restriction in place?" Why would you want her to take action against you and go to court to get a restriction?

You do not need a solicitor to go to court, you can represent yourself.

The courts sole concern is the welfare of the child/ren.

Please note, I have no legal training. The points I make need to be confirmed as being correct. Many solicitors offer a 30 minute consultation free of charge.

Thanks for replying. I didn't mean I wanted my ex to go to court for a restriction against me. She has no issue with me having contact with our daughter it's my girlfriend she would be putting the restriction on. She is not denying me access to my child she is saying that my girlfriend can't be there when I have my daughter and that I should go to court if I have a problem with that. I did not think legally she has any right to say who is with me when I have my daughter and would need an order from a judge to stop my girlfriend from being in my house when my daughter is there. That's what I meant sorry for any confusion

Hello Harley,

No need to apologize, I must have read it incorrectly.

If your girlfriend poses no risk to your child, I don't believe she can even take it to court. To do that she would need some definite proof she is a danger to your daughter.

I believe your Ex does have an issue with you having contact because she is dictating unreasonable terms in that you are being forced to make a choice between your girlfriend or your daughter and that is wrong! If your girlfriend meets with your daughter, what will your Ex do? Deny you access? She certainly isn't going to give you her blessing.

Yes you are probably right in the mean time I will do as she says but long term it won't be practical as I will be living with my girlfriend in about 6 months from now. I'm worried not to rock the boat too much incase she denies me access to my daughter. Dads do seem to get the raw deal. She has no reason to stop my girlfriend being with my daughter I think it's just a case of her not wanting another female mother figure around her daughter. My girlfriend has her own children and would not be a second mum but I feel this is my ex insecurities. She is 14 years younger than me and my girlfriend so probably has some growing up to do. I think it is reasonable that after 18 months of being in a relationship you would move in together we are in our 40's and so not just a quick fling!

You are being very reasonable and I wish you every happiness with your girlfriend. You will obviously need her support due to the conditions your Ex is placing on you and the stress involved.

I understand that you do not want to rock the boat and if you can all talk it through with your Ex and come to some arrangement with her then that would be beneficial. I think you are right in that she is young, insecure and sees your girlfriend as a threat, if you can reassure her then that could "calm the waters."

You must handle the situation in a way you are comfortable with but give thought to the possibility of there being no resolve to the present aggravation and what your plan would need to be then. Long term it would be very difficult to function as a happy family if your Ex continues with these unreasonable demands.

Cheers. My daughter is my priority I just hope in time my ex will see that she is being unreasonable. She has a new partner and if he is being introduced to my daughter then there is no reason why my girlfriend can't have a relationship with my daughter too. Time will tell our divorce is imminent as decree nisi been granted so maybe it's my exes fears knowing we won't be married and that I will probably move into my girlfriends home that she is concerned about as my daughter will need to spend every other weekend there with me.

It is a very emotive time, the official end of a marriage and hopefully things will calm down. I think your judgement is right in waiting for a while to see what happens.

Thanks for your words and help

Hi Harley

As a parent with PR and your gf not posing a safety risk, it is up to you how you spend your contact time with your daughter. Personally I wouldn't advise totally bowing down to the mother's wishes or you are just going to make a rod for your own back for years to come. It does sound like your ex will be difficult if you move in with your gf so it might be better to deal with this now. Perhaps you could say that your gf and daughter will be spending some time together but not every contact session and ease it in that way?

Unfortunately, if the mother wants to, she can stop contact without an order in place and there would be nothing you could do about it. Have you considered attending mediation with her to agree a way forward? It might be worth your while considering this in the short term so that you all know where you stand going forward? If arrangements were to break down you would have no other option than making an application to court and mediation is mandatory before being allowed to make an application. The stamp from the mediators which allows you to do this lasts for 4 months.

The benefit I would see of beginning mediation is that if she were to stop contact, mediation and a first hearing could take up to 2-3 months and that is a long time for your daughter to go without seeing you. If you try mediation things might work really well for you all, if you do it and it doesn't go well, you get a form stamped and apply for a hearing which takes about 6 weeks.

If you do get to the court stage, it's not that difficult to represent yourself in a case like this. Plenty of our dads do exactly that and we can support you through the process.

Good luck