[Solved] Can my ex stipulate who picks my son up at weekends

I'm not sure where she stands in legal terms, but in practical terms, she can simply refuse to hand your son over. You basically have two choices - 1. to go down the court route, but it is almost certainly too late for this. 2. To forego contact on this occasion.

Either option is not going to be good, so it's a matter of the lesser of two evils, in my opinion. I would suggest that you are unlikely to get your ex to agree, so it may be better to prepare your son for not seeing you on this occasion and say you'll do something special with him (not just buying him something) when you next see him. If you think this is going to be a problem in the future, then you may want to look at mediation to resolve this - you may be able to avoid going to court if you are lucky.

Thanks for the reply. This is just the last in a long series of events where my ex has caused issues when I collect and drop off. Unfortunately court appears to be the only enforceable option.

Regards
Carl

First step will be a conciliation meeting - if your ex is unreasonable, it won't look good for her later on, so you may get somewhere at this stage. The court can't make an order at this hearing except by consent, but they can ask some awkward questions 🙂 ) It is possible that you could get somewhere at this hearing. Don't dig your heels in for the sake of it - if you are reasonable, the court will be more sympathetic to your plight.

Do the court take past orders in to account? She already had a daughter when I met her and she had a court order against her then for withholding access to the father.

Do the court take past orders in to account? She already had a daughter when I met her and she had a court order against her then for withholding access to the father.

A good question, and one which I don't know the correct legal answer. However, I remember a film of courtroom scene from a long time ago - barrister to the jury:
"Don't think of a pink elephant ..... Now, what are you thinking of?"

Something like that, if brought up has got to give the court an idea of the sort of person they are dealing with, and is a legitimate concern.

Dear Carl,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.

From a legal point of view, your ex partner is able to refuse to allow your wife to collect your son if she wishes. As there is no court order in place, it is for your ex partner to decide on contact issues and she would not be committing any offence by refusing to hand your son over.

You do have the option of applying to court, however this may not necessarily bring the results you would like. The court would grant contact for you to see your son, and while you can decide who he sees while he is with you, your ex partner would not be obliged to hand him over to anyone that was not stated in the order, and usually the only person stated in the order would be you.

You are able to ask that the court name your wife in the order as someone able to collect your son, however it is uncommon that this is done. The contact order will usually state that it is for you to have contact, it will not be valid for any other person, and if you are unable to make a contact session then no one else will be entitled to that contact time and the contact will be missed.

The court does consider each case individually and it is possible that in these circumstances they may feel that it is appropriate to put such a clause in an order, but this will be for the court to decide based on what they believe to be best for your son.

We hope this information has been useful to you, should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre

Hi,

What about when you have a shared residency order?
Then neither parent is non-resident?
When dad always fetches the children they grow up thinking that dad must do this and truth is that dad does this because it was either pick him up or don't see him at all, not sharing the journeys like it should be

Hi again

From what you say, it sounds as if your son lives with your ex the majority of the time with you having alternate weekend access so it's likely that you would be regarded as the non-resident parent by the courts, although I am not an expert on this.

What's important is that you try to keep up regular contact with your son, as sadly he is the one who is suffering the most in all of this. The fetching and dropping off routine is something that you could try discussing at mediation if you are not keen to pursue this through the courts. You can call the Family Mediation Helpline on 0845 60 26 627.

You might also want to get in touch with Families Need Fathers who will understand the issues here. Again you can call them on 0300 0300 363 or log on to their website http://www.fnf.org.uk

I hope this helps.

Hi Mikey,

The child used to stay with me every single night until she received my first solicitors letter, after we went to court it was decided that it is basically half and half, she has him 4 more nights a month than i do, she thought it was going to effect the maintenace if it was completly equal!

Dear Fed Up,

Even if a court order is in place for shared residence, contact or any other arrangement, this will be in your name, and so your ex would still be within her rights to refuse to allow the child to be taken by anyone else unless the court order states this, which is very rare.

As there is no court order in place the mother would be considered the resident parent as she has the child the majority of the time, regardless of the reasons for this arrangement.

If you are not able to collect your child, or have him on the times agreed (or stated within the court order should you get one), then no one else will have the right to have this time with him and this time would be missed, unless you and the mother can agree otherwise.

The mother does not have to allow your child to leave her care with any person that she does not wish to, unless a court order requires her to do so.

We hope this clarifies the situation.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre