[Solved] Can Mother dictate where contact is to take place

Hi Lolly

As the current contact will be 'in the community' due to you not living locally, it isn't really necessary for the mother to know the entire schedule of the day in advance.

When it comes to overnight contact, it is reasonable to provide the mother with the address of where the child will be.

It seems ridiculous to give the child a phone at age 9 and interrupt the contact the father is having. You could ask for something to be written in the order to the effect of a designated time for the child to speak with his mother. No guarantee on what the judge will decide but I have seen orders with similar provision.

Are you going to engage a barrister for the final hearing?

I would stick strictly to whatever is stipulated in the order, but if there is no location specified then it's up to your partner where and with whom he spends the time during contact. That said, I think for the time being it would be better not to rock the boat, get the contact established, it's not forever, just until the next hearing and once contact in Scotland can take place and the final order is in hand, then your partner can spend his time as he and his sonn wishes.

The mobile phone situation is one that your partner could adress with the solicitor, acknowledging the mothers anxiety but politely stating that the contact is about re establishing their bond and reassurances that she would be contacted immediately In an emergency or at the sons request.

Thanks Yoda

My Partner has a solicitor. She errs on the side of caution sometimes but she will do what my Partner wants.

We've drafted a response and my Partner's solicitor can approve it before we send it off.

We point out that venues and activities are not stipulated in the order and we won't be giving that info but are prepared to give the evil Cretin assurances that the child will be no more than an hour away from his home.

We've asked that she does not send the child with a mobile as it stresses him out and given her assurances that she can contact my Partner in an emergency and the child can contact her if he wishes. That's how it is with my Partner getting phone calls from the child - it's if he wishes and needless to say that never happens.

We've said that threats by her to stop contact unless we do as she wantsvwill be reported back to the Courts as that's clearly not in the child's best interest and displays her hostility to contact as well as controlling behaviour.

If we give into her every time she throws her toys out the pram coz we're not doing what she wants them we will get nowhere and walked over.

She's already breached a court order and the Judge will definitely not be happy if she does it again, particularly as the contact my Partner is following at the moment was recommended by Cafcass and they are getting updates after each session. Luckily for my Partner Cafcass are now firmly on his side thanks to the evil Cretin showing her true colours to them by not following their recommendations previously.

Thanks Mojo

We're getting sick of her dictating all the time. We've had endless lawyers letters from her kicking off every time my Partner does something she doesn't like.

Last one we got was when Cafcass had recommended contact go from 3 hours to 4 hours. Mother was not a happy bunny, so we got a letter threatening us that if we increased it to 4 hours the child wouldn't be coming for Contact! The Cafcass woman was on holiday at the time and when she came back she was furious and told the Mother that contact was now 5 hours. Mother turned up with the child at 10:00am and said to him, see you at 1:00pm but my Partner persuaded him to stay the 5 hours, much to the Mother's horror. She made the child write a letter to the Judge stating my Partner had "forced" him to stay 5 hours and he only wants to see his Dad once a month for 3 hours. The Judge said in Court after reading the child's letter that he was even more concerned about the mother's role.

Having Cafcass and the judge on side is a huge bonus, it does sound like you're really up against it with the mother. It must be putting such a strain on both you and your partner and his son. Wishing you the very best of luck, please keep us updated and let us know if we can help at all.

... It's a long hard road for you and your partner, but as Yoda says, its a real plus to have the judge and CAFCASS with you now.....finally!

I hope you didn't think that I was suggesting you give in to her demands, sometimes, when dealing with toxic people, it's better to step away from the angst and by rising above it, her actions come into sharp focus, as seems to be the case now.

Wishing you and your partner all the best, we're here if you need us. 🙂

Thanks again guys.

Mojo I didn't take it that way at all. We've been rising above it for almost 2 years and we've had enough of her toxic behaviour. She is emotionally battering that poor child and tried every trick in the book to alienate him from his Dad. My partner has again been ordered contact and the child is loving seeing his Dad again but that disgusting creature doesn't care what she's doing to either of them as long as she can get her way. Enough is enough. We fight on for the sake of the child.

Update - my partner had his contact with his child despite the mothers threats. She sent another letter stating that contact would only take place on the conditions that the child carried his mobile phone at all times and my partner did not go out the vicinity. My partner responded back that child could carry his mobile but he would only guarantee that he wouldn't take him more than an hour away from his home town. He fully expected the mother not to hand child over but she did. My partner said he would only give her the info she asked for if she was prepared to do likewise. Needless to say, she said she wouldn't provide any info (doctors/dentist / when she took the child out of her town and notified when child was ill) as it was none of his businesses!!

i had this in the earlier days of our contact dispute....i would be told she needed to know where i intended taking him and who he'd be seeing....if i said things like depends on the what he wants to do at the time she'd then say i'd not be taking him unless she knows in advance.
i'd tell her a couple of otpions of what i'd thought then she'd calm down.
then after i dropped him back off with her i'd get a barrage of texts saying i'd lied to her or he'd said we hadn't been where we had and that i'd lied to him and her now and she couldn't trust me so contact would not take place the following week.

the honest truth is that we had done what i'd said we were going to do or been where i'd said...i've asked my son a few times what he'd told his mum but he just said what we'd done or where we'd been ....so where she got her ideas from i've no idea...proper fruit case my ex!! think she just liked to argue and try and pick a fight over anything.

needless to day court told her straight that like her what i do, where i go and who i see with our son is down to me to decide not her...and as long as i'm not putting him in to harms way or at risk then its not her place to dictate......she didn't like that but it did calm her down for a few months until she tried other ways to control my interaction with our son.

Thank you Dad

Where do they get off trying to control everything!!

She's trying everything to have this contact stopped again. The next contact is an overnight stay which my Partner has booked a hotel so that will totally upset her. He could stay with relatives but she would only insist on that permanently and we want the child to be allowed to come to our home in Scotland eventually.
Like I said, we are not giving in to her demands and she can breach court orders all she wants but the Judge will get fed up of her behaviour and eventually sort her out.