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Hi guys I was wondering if you could shed some light on a few things for me.....
Me and my ex-partner had a child in 2016, and at one month old it was decided between us that he would live with me.
My ex-partner has another child by a different dad (a drug addict) who is severely disabled. Social services have always been involved in her eldest child's life, and doctors, teachers and SS have all raised concerns about physical abuse and neglect. The LA took her to court in 2016 for a care order, but the findings remained inconclusive and the LA withdrew their application.
My ex-partner also looks after her mother and father who are both disabled along with her eldest child.
My ex-partner is out every weekend sniffing cocaine and drinking heavily.
In 2017 my ex started to getting consistently worse and became increasingly inconsistent in our sons life. I put these concerns in writing to her family, SS and the police, just to log it.
At the end of 2017, I dropped our son off to spend the week with her but when I came to pick him up on Friday she refused me access to collect him, even though she had text me moments before asking if i was collecting him. I logged this with the police when she refused me access.
A couple of days later she assaulted me while I held my son in my arms, I left her house and went straight to the police station to report it I visibly had a bust lip and bruised eye. A month later in her witness statement, my ex alleges that on the day she assaulted me, I said I would kidnap our son, which is not the case.
Following this I found out my son had been left in the care of one of her ex-partners a known drug addict, and he had been left to roam around freely climbing on high furniture. I called the police and after a welfare check was told to leave the scene. Later that evening I confronted my ex about this, which ended up in a big row. I was arrested later that night for common assault but released without charge.
A couple of days later I was served with a NMO and PSO.
On the first court date it was ordered that I see my son every Friday, and I have been solely funding a contact center ever since.
I have had two court dates since and am still awaiting the Section 7 report due to be completed by CAFCASS.
My ex-partner has missed 6 of 11 sessions at the contact center, I have missed none.
While he lived with me my ex was able to see him whenever she liked at times convenient for her.
I do not drink nor do I do drugs.
I have a big family all of whom can care for my son.
I worry about her drink and drug use. I worry about who is left to care for my son, as its mostly drug addicts or elderly people with serious health issues. I worry about the decline in my sons welfare, due to my ex being too far stretched to give him the proper care and attention.
I want sole custody / residency of my son, with a generous arrangement in place for contact with his mother. What are the chances of this happening?? ....considering he did live with me prior to this, and is only in my ex care since she kidnapped him.
Who orders the drug / alcohol test? CAFCASS, in the Section 7 report?? or CAFCASS as a part of the CAFCASS report??
Would it be advisable to do my own Drug / Alcohol test? to speed things up, even though there has been any allegations of drink or drug use on my part......
Considering DV allegations are on both sides and will end up as my word against hers, what would be the worst possible outcome for me??
Realistically what would be the best possible outcome for contact with my son?
I have been in court since end of November 2017, the Section 7 is due in June 2018 (since the LA refused to complete it, wasting 3 months), how long can I expect to be in court after the section 7 is issued??
Any tips for CAFCASS?? What I should mention, what I shouldn't mention??
Thanks for all your time guys,
It means the world. Any help you can give
Take care all
Hi there
This must be a very difficult time for you. Have you made a counter application for your son to live with you? Do you have proof that he loved with you until late last year?
You must have had the hearing for the NMO, what was the outcome of that? Is there an NMO in place, did you accept any kind of undertaking?
It's up to the court to order drug and alcohol test, I would advise that you push for that. We're you able to tell the court about her drug use?
As there are allegations of DV on both sides, it's likely the court will go for a Finding of Fact hearing. When you had physical injuries and went to the police, why didn't they take action against her? Hopefully the assault was logged.
It's virtually impossible to predict what the outcome may be. If you can prove he lived with you for most of his life, that she is abusing drugs and alcohol and is struggling to care appropriately with her caring duties, you'll have a better chance of your child living with you.
As far as the S7 it's your opportunity to tell them about you concerns, absolutely you should tell them about the assaults on you, the drug taking, the failed action by the LA for neglect of her other child, but mainly the fact that your son has lived with you practically from birth, until she refused to hand him back.
Keep it child focused, talk about his routine with you, the fact that you facilitated generous contact with his mother, something that you would want to continue should he be returned to you... And something that she has shown she won't reciprocate, by not turning up for contact visits. Tell them that you are worried about him and how he is dealing with the change, and not having his family around him, that he has a close bond with. That he will be missing his room, his toys and all the things you did together.... Build a picture. If he is registered with your GP mention that, what about his Health Visitor, can she help to show that he lived with you and was settled and happy?
Don't bad mouth her, you can tell them about her without it sounding like you have an axe to grind, come from a position of concern.... Say you worry that she isn't coping, that she has struggled with her caring duties even before she kept your son.
All the best
I haven't made a counter application, Should I fill out the C100 and what should I request?
Yes he was on the tenancy at my address, and I have lots of texts and emails to prove I was bringing him round to the ex address to spend time with her.
I didn't contest the NMO as I don't really want to have any contact with my ex partner, was this a bad move?
The NMO states I can't go within a 100 meters of her address cant contact her in any form etc.
The PSO states I cant remove him from her care, can't pick him up from nursery, and can't remove him from the care of anyone she appoint, I have contested this fully to date.
In the last hearing I mentioned of how I was the only party to have ever raised concerns of drug and alcohol abuse, they noted this and put it in the new order, of what should be addressed by CAFCASS.
The assault against me was logged and mentioned how I had a bust lips which was bleeding and how my ex assaulted me with our son in my arms. I requested that the matter not be taken forward as I didn't want to make the situation worse and wanted to go on co-parenting our son together.
The contact center have put in their report how, my son showed up to one session with holes in his clothes, and a cut on his chin, which I took pictures of (and reported to SS, but they done a visit and told me they weren't concerned), and at another session had really really dirty ears which I had to clean.
I have provided social services with texts whereby she confirms how her elder child nearly died as a result of her neglect, although they haven't taken any action.
The Health Visitor knows both me and my ex, and she would be able to confirm he was settled with me, although I know her last visit was with the ex after she had taken my son back and refused me, so I'm guessing she will be on the fence about where he lives and who with etc.
She isn't represented by the LA, I think she went through a DV victims center or something similar.
Before the last hearing her brief was eager to make a deal, this was just after i issued my first statement.
The Section 7 was due in Feb, but the LA refused to do it late minute, due to their previous involvement.
But we both issued second witness statements, nonetheless. My statement mainly consisted of the fact he lived with me from one month old until she refused me contact, which was logged by the police etc. and further extracts from police reports (From a Subject Access Request), which prove she has lied to either the Courts or the Police and/or SS.
Anywho, CAFCASS have been appointed to do the Section 7, so I'm just waiting to be contacted by them. The report is due in JUNE.
I believe that a Child Arrangement Order is currently being played out ...which is why they requested the Section 7 etc.
Would I still need to make a return application to give myself a better chance at getting residency of my son?
What application/Order would you suggest is best to apply for?
I haven't made a counter application, Should I fill out the C100 and what should I request?
Yes he was on the tenancy at my address, and I have lots of texts and emails to prove I was bringing him round to the ex address to spend time with her.<<<<>>>>
I didn't contest the NMO as I don't really want to have any contact with my ex partner, was this a bad move? <<<<>>>>
The NMO states I can't go within a 100 meters of her address cant contact her in any form etc.
<<<<>>>>
The PSO states I cant remove him from her care, can't pick him up from nursery, and can't remove him from the care of anyone she appoint, I have contested this fully to date. Qqq
In the last hearing I mentioned of how I was the only party to have ever raised concerns of drug and alcohol abuse, they noted this and put it in the new order, of what should be addressed by CAFCASS.
The assault against me was logged and mentioned how I had a bust lips which was bleeding and how my ex assaulted me with our son in my arms. I requested that the matter not be taken forward as I didn't want to make the situation worse and wanted to go on co-parenting our son together.
The contact center have put in their report how, my son showed up to one session with holes in his clothes, and a cut on his chin, which I took pictures of (and reported to SS, but they done a visit and told me they weren't concerned), and at another session had really really dirty ears which I had to clean.
I have provided social services with texts whereby she confirms how her elder child nearly died as a result of her neglect, although they haven't taken any action.
The Health Visitor knows both me and my ex, and she would be able to confirm he was settled with me, although I know her last visit was with the ex after she had taken my son back and refused me, so I'm guessing she will be on the fence about where he lives and who with etc.
<<<<>>>>
Because of the allegations of DV and going through a victims centre, she will have been able to get Legal Aid funding to cover her legal costs. Perhaps you could also try to get Legal Aid, as you have been assaulted and it's on record with the police. It might be worth a try.
They can sometimes take up to 16 weeks to prepare an S7,trychasing them up about it, at least try and get a date for interview.
Are the court aware that you want a CAO that states your son lives with you? If not you can make a new application within existing proceedings using form C2.
If she breaches again and doesn't turn up for the contact centre, you can put in an urgent application for enforcement of the order. Either that, or write to the judge that made the order and explain that she is breaching the contact as ordered by the courtand you would like an urgent return to court for new directions.
I have tried with great effort to obtain legal aid.
I have a letter from the investigating officer stating I was assaulted with my son in my arms and had visible injuries.
I have the actual police reports from a subject access request, detailing the assault.
But neither the police nor a doctor will fill out the specific reference letters on the GOV website for me, its headbanging.
I am filling out the C2 (existing proceedings) and C79 (enforcement order) as we speak.
I have also arranged for my mother to attend mediation for contact with her grandson (my son), as she had a major input in raising him from a baby, and there is no reason she should be denied contact. Following / failing this I will apply for a C100 and C2 on her behalf, to have her own contact arrangement in place.
Your mum will need to ask for permission to make an application, this is also covered by the C2 form.
The C2 form is also used to ask the court for another party to be joined as a party in existing proceedings.
The issue of grandparents being involved judicially is a grey area. They can apply once they have permission to do so, but their success rate is mixed. It might be that the court won't allow her to be included as a party either. There's no way of knowing where a particular judge stands on it.
Some solicitors offer a free initial consultation, and Dadinfo have also teamed up with Dialogue First who can arrange a free telephone consultation with a lawyer. I'll get the link for you. It might be wise to get some proper legal input about the situation with your Mum before proceeding.
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