[Solved] CAFCASS - How Should I Handle Them?

I wouldn't worry too much, just be yourself, stay calm and child focussed and be honest. Mr Slims sticky about CAFCASS do's and don't's is a great guide, from a well respected forum member.

https://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/39645-dealing-with-cafcass-do-s-don-ts

Agree with Mojo, be yourself, stay calm and be honest for sure!

Definitely keep it child focused but i wouldnt let that stop you from raising any concerns you have on behalf of your child if you have any. Just make sure if you are raising it for the benefit of your child to keep it child focused - not bad mouthing the mother.

I.E My partner mentioned how the mother refuses contact as of when she wishes, he explained how this is impacting the child (child was screaming not to go back to mummys and was asking things like i see daddy again?) he went on to explain that he felt this was caused because the mother was not providing a stable routine of contact for the child and going forward he asked if something would be put in place. At the next hearing the judge made it clear that going forward the mother cannot refuse contact and of when she feels but must have a valid reasoning and she must apply to the court with the relevant application for her reason.

There may be things said that your partner has said to them which can be annoying, just remember stay calm and as the guide says keep focused on the bigger picture, thats the most important thing!

Although it is very daunting and nervous waiting for the call, youll be fine once you are speaking to them!

Good luck

PS that Dos and donts is very good, so make sure you have a look at it.

Yes that's an important point, being child focussed and not bad mouthing the mother doesn't mean that you can't raise concerns, but in the same breath if she is a good mother in some ways, you can say that too., just be balanced.

Yeah, that sticky was really helpful.

Apart from the lies my ex is going to tell them, which they will no doubt believe most of, the thing I'm trying to work out is how to not bad mouth my ex when the interview is about my accusations of her being a neglectful parent. Not that I'm going to start slagging off, but I'm not sure how to discuss her bad parenting with them in a way that won't make them think I just don't like her or that I'm bitter.

Without knowing the detail of neglect it's a difficult question to answer.

Instead of saying she does this or that, say that the children need this or that, so changing the perspective. The children come to me with illfitting clothes, but don't follow that with she should be dressing them better, allow them to draw that conclusion.... another example, it's important that the children learn about keeping themselves clean, and brushing their teeth, this is often overlooked, although I understand that she may be busy, it's important to get them into a routine.

Thanks, that makes sense.

I think I might make some bullet points to have to hand on how to handle the more difficult questions they're going to ask, for when they phone me. For example, her and her partner are leaving the kids, both only 5, to play whilst they go and have [censored] and then my daughter is going to find them and walking in on them.

Let CAFCASS reach their own conclusions - so as has been said - speak about the impact on the children.

Once thing that struck me from one of your posts is when you say she goes and has [censored] while they are playing.

How do you know this? If it's because a child has told you tell them that - my child has said "blah" and I am really concerned that this puts them at risk as they are not supervised but also of course, a five year old shouldn't even know what [censored] is!

Etc

Thanks, that makes sense. Yeah, it's my daughter who has told me about it several times on her own accord, as with most things I know about.

If that’s the case you should clarify that you don’t question your daughter and that she had offered the information of her own accord during the time she spends with you.

Well, I've just had my safeguarding interview. Part of me thinks it went well, as I remembered a lot of the points I needed to make, part of me is unsure, as although I was definitely not slagging my ex off in anyway, I feel that I could have perhaps phrased things better - for instance I talked about the [censored] thing, but totally forgot to say my daughter told me on her own accord, etc.

It definitely didn't start well. Through no fault of my own, the lady I spoke to got very stroppy with me before the interview started - I had sent a couple of documents bullet-pointing important incidents of child neglect, etc, which I felt were important for her to see, as there is just so much of it it would be impossible for me to relay everything over the phone and I wanted them to have the full picture, but she hadn't received them yet. She started getting snappy telling me she just wanted to get on with the interview, and that kind of stuff was nothing to do with her. BUT THEN as the interview went on, it became clear to the both of us that the documents I sent were completely relevant and she started backpedalling, saying she would read them when she got them.

It's just so hard when they give you half an hour to tell them everything - it's so much pressure. Also, the lady I dealt with wasn't very clearly spoken, so I was straining to hear her, but that was just her speaking voice, so I didn't want to mention it. It did make the phone call a lot more stress-inducing than it needed to be.

Apart from that, I got most of my main points across (there's a few I missed which I feel are relevant - any idea if I will get to raise these later on?), and I got to address a few false allegations from my ex that have been fired at me previously, which fingers crossed I've cleared up now, but you never know what these people will actually write down.

She said that she was just doing the safeguarding interview, and a different CAFCASS officer would be with us at court, so I've got that to look forward to. I'm sure it would be much more logical to have the same person the whole way through, otherwise the new officer is going to have to play catch up on everything.

Anyway, it's all left me full of adrenaline and anxiety, so I needed to vent! Fingers crossed...

I think it would be a good idea to take a time out, these interviews are so stressful and it's a good idea to take a couple of days off every now and again.. for sanity sake!

Just be careful not to overload the case worker with too much, otherwise the most relevant parts will get lost amongst it all.

It is unfortunate that there's no continuity with cafcass, but it's quite common it seems. Hopefully the next one will have looked at the reports etc before the hearing, but you should get an opportunity to talk to them before going into the hearing, although it's not a given.

All the best