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HI all.......got myself In a pickle here..and wondering If anyone out there can give me some advice.
Long story short I have been having my five year old son stay over with me pretty much every other weekend and once during the week since he was born as arranged between me and my ex.....however this school summer holiday she decided to muck me around by informing me that I had to have our son for one certain week during the six week summer break...I informed her that the particular week she wanted wasnt convienient for me as I was arranging a different date to spend time with my son.....she then proceeded to inform me that she had met someone new ( her fourth new relationship since we split up by the way...not illegal I know...but morally...how many more new faces must my son keep getting used to !! } and that If I didnt have our son for that particular week then she would be taking him away with her latest partner...I informed her that I was ok with that....I was then hit with a flurry of text messages telling me that no other children would be wherever It was she was going and that I should take my time In making my decision....quite clearly she had never wanted to take our son away In the first place....anyway upshot was that I would have my son for the week that she had wanted so I informed my employer that I would like that week off....all over job done I was having my son....until that was I recieved a text from her informing me that her and her fella had split up and that she would now be having our son for the entire summer holiday.....so I informed my boss that I didnt need that week off work anymore......only to be Informed two days later that her and her fella were back together and that I Indeed did need to take the aforementioned week off.....my boss put his foot down and said that I couldnt keep changing my mind......I told my ex this and her line was " If I didnt have our son for the week then I would have to go to court to see him again"......however If I did have him then there would be no reason for her to take any action.....this I took as blackmail ...so as asked by her I began court action.......as I hadnt seen my son for over two months I took It upon myself to go and see him after school finished......he was always excited to see me and kept saying that he wanted to come and stay at my house......she however took my visits to a whole new level and applied for a non molestation order coming out with a load of blatant lies and cruel accusations about me ....from pushing her to the ground and indecently assaulting her at our sons school sports day....plus her favourite one about the suffering and emotional abuse that our son was suffering from.....all utter nonsense as our son couldnt have been happier to see me......anyway as expected from reading various horror stories on the internet about how the mother always wins non molestation orders I was issued with one by the judge who couldnt have made me feel any smaller or vile if he had tried.....he listned to nothing that I had to say In my defence and was only interested In getting It done and dusted before lunch.......he did however suggest to my ex that we should cancel our contact order court appearance as all the parties agreed that my spending time with my son was best for everyone and that continuing with the court case would only cause financial and emotional stress......she very nearly said that she would like to cancel the case but because cafcass were now invovlved she couldnt..........despite being issued with non molestation order which I knew I would be I at least felt confident that she did want me to have contact with my son as she had stated this at the hearing...........so onto the court case......I was interviewed by the cafcass lady and at last for the first time I was able to be heard and put my side of the story across that all of this was about a holiday that she couldnt go on with her latest partner and I was able to answer every one of her vindictive lies told about me In her witness statement........she then went In for her interview and obviously I have no Idea what she said.....anyway at the end of her interview I was asked to go Into the room with my ex and the cafcass lady where she said that she thought we could get It all sorted there and then and that there would be no reason for another court appearance.....my ex and myself agreed that I would be allowed to see my son every other weekend as I had been previously and we sorted out all the school holiday arrangements including christmas etc.....I was on cloud nine and thought thats It at last Its all over and I could carry on having a great time with my little boy.....how wrong I was.....I thought the judge would just rubber stamp the order and tell us both to grow up and do the right thing for our boy.....instead he asked the cafcass lady why she had not submitted a section 7 report due to the amount of domestic violence that had been alleged against me......she became flustered and said that we had both come to an amicable argeement and that she hadnt had time to produce one.....at the time I had no idea that what a section 7 report was.....I have since found out that this Is where they interview the child involved.....despite the cafcass lady being a very pleasant woman I have since found out that I should have been able to make a witness statement before the court case as my ex had been able to.....this never happened as cafcass had neither phoned me on emailed me asking for any information....despite them saying that they had emailed me at the beginning of November..sadly they had not and as Its a high security email procedure that you have to go through to get Into the emails that had sent me I can prove that no email was ever sent to me with regards to a safegaurding letter......if they had of done their job properly then the judge would have been presented with a section 7 report on the day of the hearing ,,but as the court day was the first time that I had spoken to anyone from cafcass he wasnt.......the judges told us to leave the court whilst they came to their decision...I knew then that again I would be the one to lose out......and yes they decided that due to the level of violence alleged against me that they couldnt grant me access without further information from cafcass, police etc......this violence now included attempted strangulation, which really blew me out of the water as this had never been mentioned In the c100 witness statement or the non molestation order but had now been made against me in the cafcass safegaurding letter....I was utterly gobsmacked as I have never put my hands around anyones throat let alone the mother of my son....I just couldnt get my head around anyone saying that It was ok for me to see my son and arranging all of his holiday stays with me but continuing to make me look like a complete monster......of course i appreciate that the judge has to look Into such serious allegations as the childs well being Is paramount but when I heard him say that the next available hearing date would not be until March all of my emotions came spilling out and I couldnt contain myself anymore,,,of course I played right into my exs hands as this made me look like everything she had said about me was true....I didnt swear or rant and rave It was just pure frustration at not having done anything wrong and yet here I was being told I had to wait another four months without seeing my son......the usher tried to hand me another form to fill out with regards to the strangulation allegations made against me and I just said that I had had enough of filling forms out constantlly and that all I wanted to do was kick a ball about with my son In the local park and that she could shove her forms.....I then proceeded to walk out of the court saying yes to the usher when asked If I wanted to stop the proceedings......so as you can see I feel through my own stupidity that I have blown any chance of seeing my son again....of course with hindsight I should have just bitten my tongue and taken it on the chin but sadly I didnt and whats done Is done....if the new hearing had been in a couple of weeks then maybe i would have reacted differently but the thought of not seeing my son over christmas and having to wait until March upset me too much..........sorry to have droned on for so long...but I guess what Im asking you good people Is do any of you have any advice about how I might go about starting court proceedings again or If indeed they will ever let me anywhere near a court room again.............just really upset and frustrated that my ex wants me to see my son.....I want to see my son and my son wants to see me......and yet through writing such awful lies and making up such nonsense this Is the situation I find myself In........funny how we make a child with someone and despite desperately wanting to do the right thing.......once It starts to snowball out of control all you are left with is pure hatred.......and If thats how she really sees me why on earth would she be prepared to not only leave her son with me for a whole week but also go abroad and leave him with such a monster......!!!
Cheers......any advice would be most appreciated thanks..
Hi there
I think the only option open to you is to write to the judge directly and make full and sincere apologies for your conduct, explain how distraught you were at the thought of not seeing your child and that on top of that, the new allegations just got too much for you.
Explain that you had thought that having reached agreement with your ex at the CAFCASS meeting everything was working out, only to find that matters had got worse. Tell them that your behaviour is out of character and you immediately realised the seriousness of your situation and how sorry you are.
Ask if it would be possible to bring the case back to court and give assurances that you will not allow yourself to behave in that manner again, if you are given another chance. That you realise that the court must take all allegations seriously and that they only have your child's best interests at heart, that he is the priority and his well being is paramount.
Explain that you have a close bond with your son and you feel sure he will be missing you and that you want to be able to put things right for his sake.
If this doesn't work, then I would leave it three months or so and make a fresh application, but there's no disputing that you have made things more difficult for yourself... let's hope the judge is understanding.
Best of luck
I'm going to move your post and put it into its own thread in the Legal Eagle section, tagging onto the end of other members old posts can mean your posts is overlooked, which has happened here. Putting it in its own thread will give others the opportunity to read and respond to you.
The Legal Eagle section is the best place for your situation and it's also the busiest section on the forum.
All the best
I'm not gonna lie mate.....really silly thing to do in a court and trust me, I nearly did the same :/
ex could now use this to prove violence by you showing your temper to court 1st hand
As already said, try writing a detailed letter to the judge direct but do not drone on, highlight all points and explain that it was the cause of your frustration. Also get copies of any texts, emails between you and your ex that may show the messing about?
Can your employer do you a witness statement about the messing about with holidays? Id also get 2 character witness statements from people who really know you preferably not family and send them to the judge with your letter to show your not the type of person usually.
Send it recorded delivery to the court and then telephone them 7 days later on their receipt to see if they have it and if it has been seen by the judge.
If this fails then id seriously keep quite for a few months and then start the order again but you may have to sit with supervised visits sadly
I know all about the false allegations as do all the others here, I think the women do it because they know court will make a permanent order that will not suit their lifestyle and they try to drag things out
wish you the best of luck mate and if you need anything else then just holla
To be honest, just send the judge a letter, don't attach any evidence, not at this stage, or character witness statements.
Address the letter to the judge that was sitting at the hearing, and include the case number and name of your ex as respondent, as follows -
CASE NUMBER:
APPLICANT. : your name
RESPONDENT : her name
IN THE MATTER OF : child's name and DOB
FOR THE ATTENTION OF : name of judge
Many Thanks to all of you for your replies.....yep I stuffed up and am now obviously regretting my actions... Ive written an e-mail to cafcass people with regards to obtaining the judges name etc....and also to express my disappointment that at no time did they either phone or e-mail me with regards to my version of events or indeed ask me to compose a safeguarding letter. If the judge had been able to see a section 7 report at the hearing then maybe he would have reached a different decision....I am In no way defending my actions here as I let both myself and my son down...never been In this situation before and I guess Its just the pure frustration of knowing that Ive not done a thing wrong with regards to the well being of my son....or his mum....and yet a few ridiculous allegations later and BOOM its all gone........and all the no smoke without fire people appear......
Cheers fellas....
Well, look at it this way, hopefully now you have had a lot of lessons on what can go wrong, so you now know to prepare for the worst in future and hopefully it you'll get it right next time.
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