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Hi All, posting for the first time. After a split where visits with my children was sporadic and often cancelled altogether I applied through the courts for a Child Arrangement Order (December 2016). The process was unpleasant and Cafcass not at all helpful, in fact as both parents had no Safeguarding concerns and both children expressed wishes to see both parents, the case was more or less a tick box exercise. Whatever Mom asked for Cafcass advised via the court day. Fortunately i managed to stay calm and remain rational. eventually getting visitation, in fact getting alternate weekends and Wednesdays and Fridays, with additional time each holiday and term. Only after a complaint did Cafcass detail the concerns raised against my ex and the issues detailed by my daughter via an amended form on the final day of court, May 2017
However my query being my partner. I explained to the court that we were in the process of moving in together, she had no safeguarding concerns either and no lawful reason not to introduce. However the ex was adamant that I could not introduce them, no reason given, clearly for her own emotional reasons. However the court and I eventually agreed that the Arrangement Order include the offer of me funding Mediation with my daughter (just her and me if i felt necessary) to prepare her for the introduction. This was to take place if i and my daughter felt if relevant and any meeting was to wait until July (wording was to consider waiting until July). I duly obliged, stuck to the order. In July asking my Daughter (although we had previously discussed and she has logged in her diary we keep multiple times including methods and venues for the introduction) if she was ready to speak with someone, she chose not too. She didn't know why she had to speak with anyone and didn't see the need. So I introduced my daughters (11 and 4). It went really well, i have pictures of how at ease everyone was. Also as said above, have diary entries showing my daughters willingness to meet my partner.
However all contact immediately stopped. My ex has said only if i put in writing that i will 'Keep my partner away' and at my cost take HER and my daughter to mediation, no meetings to take place until after further mediation sessions. I put in writing that i did not agree and that i felt she was breaching the order and have since sent this twice on top of replies to her messages. 12 night and days worth of access later and still haven't seen my children. i immediately handed in a C79 form. Although I know she will be pushing for mediation which is something i will not do with her. Previous mediation resulted in threats, attacking my partner and sending blackmail messages to my family with threats to my job, to which she was given an harassment warning, all to great cost for me yet no cost to her. I pay more than i need for their sake and to ensure even when im not there they are looked after, have stuck to irrational demands for introductions, agreed to leave every possession i have in her possession as she refuses to give anything back (including Birth Certificates and forms etc..). I even signed over the lease to the house, when Cafcass approached me with the form on the final court date and asked if i would sign, something i did in the hope of seeming rational and willing to compromise.
A long story for a short three questions; Will Cafcass get re-involved, if so can i request a new officer?
Will the court agree to the ex partners demands of me paying for her to attend mediation so she has a say on who i can and cant introduce to my children?
Court isn't until the 25 September, is there any way of requesting some form of access to my kids whilst i wait without giving in to her demands??
Any information would be greatly appreciated.
Hi there
As the point in the order, regarding introducing your partner, states that mediation isn't compulsory but a matter for you and your daughter to decide, then you haven't breached the order, she has, by stopping contact and making further demands.
CAFCASS will be tasked with a report for the court, as before. I suggest that when you receive a letter from them that you make contact and ask for a different officer, outlining the fact that there had been an upheld complaint during the previous proceedings.
I would be adamant about refusing mediation, it's no longer necessary as the introduction has already happened and went well.
As far as contact with your children in the interim, if she has a solicitor you could liaise with them to try and get some agreement on contact prior to the hearing. If she is self representing, apart from seeking agreement from her directly, there isn't really any other body that can help with this. Perhaps once CAFCASS has been in touch, you could ask them if they can intervene, but they don't have to.
You could write to the mother and suggest that contact take place in a supported environment, in a Contact Centre. It's not ideal, but at least you'll maybe get to see your children for an hour or two, if she agrees. Here's a link to the contact centre website, where you'll find info about the centres in your locality. You can contact them directly for further info, or to set up sessions in the centre, if that becomes possible.
www.naccc.org.uk
All the best
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