Breaking point

Thank you yet again Yoda. After what happened during that first trial I felt singled out. I was at an all time low. I honestly felt like just throwing in the towel, but I can’t ever do that for my daughters sake.

I haven’t slept properly for almost a year. I spend every second of everyday just thinking about this, to the point where I now have constant headaches. I have lost about 2 stones in weight due to stress.

My whole life has been devoted to this now since my ex stopped access to my daughter. Yet my ex seems to be carrying on as normal. Society needs to take a long hard look at itself. The stereotypes people have do not hold true at all. Not all women are fragile, innocent and defenceless creatures. Not all men are violent, angry monsters that talk with their fists and don’t know how to use their brains. It’s because of this type of thinking that some women use it to their advantage. It’s no surprise to me that the suicide rate amongst men is 75-80%. But as men we are just expected to shut up, take it and just get on with it.

God only knows what must be going through my daughters little head. Who knows what her mum has told her about me. The quicker this is resolved the better. Not sure how much more I can take with breaking.

Hi Whizo,

Hope you can stay strong and focused. Many of us ended up spending hundreds, even thousands on solicitors before setting foot into a court room. Court causes so much bitterness & resentment, and it's a very bitter pill to swallow. About your sleep issues, do you exercise? I would suggest something draining like running. should help knock you out at bed time.

Here is some info I found on a law site about drug testing:

Can I refuse to have a drug or alcohol test?

A parent who is alleged to have drug or alcohol issues can refuse to be tested. The Court cannot force a parent to undergo a test. However, if a parent refuses to agree to provide a sample for testing, questions may be asked by the Court and inferences may be drawn from the refusal. If the Court ‘draws inference’ it means that the Judge will reach a conclusion based on the current evidence before them. This means that if the evidence already provided to the Court shows there is belief there has been drug and/or alcohol abuse the Judge may conclude this to be true regardless of the fact it has not been scientifically proven.

It is always in a parent’s best interests to cooperate with the Court. Honesty is promoted by the Court and parents are encouraged to disclose any use of substances or alcohol before testing. This often helps to motivate change. The Court will always act in the best interest of the child/children and wants to help a parent recover and achieve a child-focussed lifestyle. It’s important to remember that a positive result on a drug or alcohol test does not automatically mean an adverse outcome for a parent who has tested positive.

You're not alone I have has similar case I had a DV against me all lies and Yes to Court Just took her side, if I contested it was going to take 13 / 20 thousand and yes my x got legal aid, and yes runs back to her solicitor on everything. I was paying more until x went back to CMS and wanted more but has backfired as paying less. I would keep CMS informed of any threatening etc from your x demanding xyz as they will keep a record of. Yes, agree the courts are not far and one-sided. CafCass also no better they twist interviews and statements.

I'm in the same boat no contact for over a year, was very close to my daughter but x brainwashed her/Son and x got together and planed everything it was a shock but with help from some very good friends have stayed strong, the truth will always come to the fore. That's what everyone has to remember the x will always try and bleed us for more money but give nothing more than CMS that's my advice to anyone reason we all have bills, food, etc and they will not care if your cold living on a park bench.

Rely on your true friends your need them to get through this took me 9 months to get my head straight and I lost weight through worries thinking about my daughter made me ill but x had played me with her once close, never get drawn into an argument by text, etc keep all correspondence never pick up the phone because they will twist what you said and keep all communications through her solicitor if she is using one make them work you don't have to correspond through your solicitor unless it's very imported but always keep it short and to the point.

https://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/53222-dealing-with-false-allegations-in-family-court#111420 - https://www.dad.info/article/wisdom-road-advice-from-a-separated-dad Hope this helps.

All blackmailing tactics. On one end they will try and blackmail you through court and if they see you got an outlet away from their tactics they’ll try and block that as well. Pure evil

Thank you DJSmith for your supporting words and advice, it means a lot. I have my hair strand test booked in two weeks and I’ve paid for it in full. I am going to write to the court asking that they consider that my ex pay at least 50% if the cost if not the full amount.

It makes no sense that ex’s can make accusations without any proof and the person being accused has to pay to prove their innocence!

I will keep you all updated. Maybe some way along the line it may help someone else in the future who find themselves in a similar situation.

depending what advice others give here, my view is that you should write to the court to say that this accusation is totally without foundation, and that you would ask the court that she pays for the test in full [u]when[/u] the test comes back negative.

That sounds a solution but the problem is that unless x has funds will be hard pushed to get the amount back if any! Courts will still side with his x but understanding from the last post Whizo has already paid upfront so the likely hood of getting anything back will depend on the Judge at the time 80% they will dismiss.

As said above, I really think that your best bet is to try and get the matter raised to Tier 2. District Judges are used to seeing lies and manipulation as well as genuine cases. Magistrates not so much. There's also a possibility you could get a different bench of lay justices or legal adviser for the next hearing and that can make a big difference too.

If you haven't already, maybe look in to getting some counselling so that you have some emotional support whilst you're going through this.

Hello all.

I wanted to post an update before my next hearing.  As requested by the court order I had two samples of hair taken and sent for analysis.  I thought it would only be a few strands of hair but as I found out it's actually the diameter of a 5 pence piece.  And they took two samples, this left me with two unsightly bold patches on my head.  I am trying my best to cover these but they are very obvious.  All of this simply because my ex can make any allegations without proof and the courts simply take her word over mine.

Well, the results came back from the lab, they covered drugs that I have never even heard off.  They produced a very thorough report with results.  Not surprising it showed that I tested negative for every single drug on their list.  I know I should be happy about this but I don't feel anything.  I already knew what the results would be, I knew that I was not lying, but I still had to pay hundreds of pounds on the say so of my ex.  What's worse is I can already see what will happen at the next hearing.  Instead of being held accountable for lying and wasting everyone's time, especially the courts, the judge will simply brush this off.  This is my main gripe, women know that they can get away with such behaviour, they know that they will suffer no repercussions, and in some cases their solicitor will ever advise such behaviour.  If people who falsely accused others had a penalty to face I guarantee you that this sort of thing would not happen.  

I am still going to fight and try and get reimbursed financially for this but I know how that will go.  So for now I will keep fighting, like all good dads do.