[Solved] Breaking Contact Order

As much as I sympathise with your situation, I would just go with the premium nappies if that's what it takes....it's not a huge back down.... The reason for this is that my 2 year old grandson can only wear pampers, any other nappy and he gets a sore bottom, very quickly.... If you go with the nappies she wants and she still puts obstacles up then there will be the start of a pattern. For the sake of a few extra pence I would just bite this particular bullet.

I completely agree with you and i even texted her that i would buy them if it takes to see my son, especially on his birthday but i've used the same nappies on all three of my kids and not once have they caused any problems with them. If my son had diarrhoea it is expected for him to have an irritated [censored] just like us. She is breaching the contact order but refusing access. How can she send one child but not the other?

I am realistic about products, i would NEVER buy something that is inferior to another when it comes to my kids.

What i really want to know is what will the court say when she says that the excuse is cause of "own brand" nappies even though it was not?

Many thanks

...She is just being awkward because she can, its all about control.

I think the court will not be sympathetic to either of you, they will usually expect there to have been several serious breaches before taking it back to court. Perhaps you should consider Mediation, this is the accepted first step to try and resolve disputes without the need to go to court, which should always be a last resort. Here's a link www.nfm.org.uk

I do understand how this makes you feel and she is being unreasonable but it's always better to try and navigate your way through these situations informally.....there are going to be many times where your patience will be tested, it's the nature of the beast!

I am based in Northern Ireland. When we went to court we sat with a court child support officer who wrote down our agreement and it was brought to the judge in our absence to become enforced.

Even is she has broken it once, its still a breach of a court order surely? I've begged, kneeled and bowed before her for too long now. I need support from the legal system but i feel like the kids are being penalized when she is doing this.

Would i be able to get an urgent application to a judge for him/her to see me to explain my situation?

Undoubtably the children are being used as a weapon to beat you with and you're right it's wrong! All I am saying is that in the bigger picture the court will expect you both to sort out any problems between yourselves. Invariably the court process puts huge strain on an already strained relationship, and is likely to make it more difficult in the future.

Why don't you write her a letter, remind her that there is a legally binding order in place that she is breaching. Tell her that you do not want to take this back to court, but if agreement can't be reached then you will have no option. Agree to use the nappies she wants, and request that if in the future she has other concerns that she speak to you with the aim of resolving them without interference with your contact visits. Remind her that it is in the children's best interests not to be drawn into any perceived disputes as they have the right to have both parents fully involved in their lives. Birthdays are big milestones in a child's life and as such both parents should have the right to celebrate these with their children. Without fear of having this withdrawn at a moments notice. Keep it calm and reasonable and make sure if you do decide to do this, keep copies of the letter for your records. Proof of postage is also a good idea and you can get this at the PO counter when you send the letter at no extra cost.

Thank you!

I've tried writing to her, texting, phoning, sometimes i feel like I'm contacting her so much it could be seen as harassment for goodness sake!

She wants only communication between solicitors and i'm fed up with her control! I feel like she needs a "warning" or "punishment" for this breach. What if she refuses contact next weekend with him? What should i do?

I am hoping to see my solicitor tomorrow

You can write to the judge that signed the consent order and tell him /her that there has been a breach and ask for some direction on this.

As far as urgent applications to the court, these are only used when there are serious breaches that require immediate intervention....an argument over nappies and a mother withholding contact would not be considered as serious in the scheme of things.

I'm sorry, I'm not downplaying your situation but I think you can deal with this without the need for court, be the bigger person , it will be much better for everyone concerned because if it escalates the children will be the ones to suffer.

I completely appreciate your advice. I will see what solicitor says tomorrow. It really hurts and just needed advice on what to do. I have contacted her mother, to tell her that i will buy the nappies concerned just so i can see my son. 🙁

I can understand your concerns about possible allegations of harassment! You don't need that and so many women use it as part of their armoury!

Your solicitor can do the writing of letters, I think they need to be proactive and forthright, and they are in a position to be far more formal than you could be!

yeh, couple weeks ago i got my solicitor to write a letter just to advise her any breach of the order would result in court proceedings. i got a message from her mother saying that she just didn't want our son to have anymore sore bums. Even though it wasn't because of what kind of nappies i still told her i would buy the nappies she wants. I'm still waiting to hear.

She's probably annoyed that you are threatening going back to court for enforcement and is exercising her "control" over the situation.

Babies get very sore bottoms from teething too! But you have done the right thing offering to change nappies...it's a small thing and if she continues to resist then she has an agenda that has little to do with nappies!

I still think Mediation could be helpful.

Mediation won't work. She doesn't want to talk to me, she said that we go to our solicitors. It is horrible that I can't even talk to my kids mother. I've done nothing to annoy her on purpose but obviously something has.

Even to see my son for 10 mins on his bday would mean a lot.

I think you need to get her refusal to attend Mediation officially recognised, and you do this by either getting her refusal via her solicitor in writing, or by attending at a mediation centre yourself for a MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meeting) and leave it to the mediator to make contact with her and invite her to attend. If she doesn't respond or refuses this entitles you to a form FM1 which your solicitor would then submit with the application for enforcement of the contact order. It just allows the court to see that you have tried to resolve this without court intervention.

If she doesn't want to sit in the same room with you during mediation then it can be done with you both in separate rooms and the mediator going between rooms.

Of course I'm assuming that the procedure in N. Ireland is the same as here in England.

Thank you so much. I will get on to that tomorrow first thing.
I'm worried that the court or what ever agrees with her that cheap nappies, her words, contributed to his red [censored], eventhough I've used them since he was born.
I feel physically sick at what she is putting the kids and myself through 🙁

The court will see that she's being petty I'm quite sure. If you have used the "offending" nappies since birth, then his sore bottom is more likely to be associated with teething, and you can make that point. If his bottom was already sore when the contact visit started then that will add weight to teething being the crux of the problem.

Spoke to my solicitor yesterday. there wasn't much they could do immediately but to send her a letter stating that there has been a breach on order and she is in contempt. Since this is a first offence we are going to over look this and still lift my son and daughter at the designated times on saturday and if they either of them do not attend this will be taken to court with contempt .

i've never felt so low because of ther! she has gotten me rock bottom. I have contacted mediation. I am waiting on my first meeting with them. I dunno what else i can do, she has hurt me so much and i feel so powerless! I just want my kids to have their rights to see their dad.

Another thing, since the past 2-3 months my daugher who is 4, almost 5, has been unwilling to return to her mothers, always telling me she wants to stay with me and cries uncontrollably. When i take her to her moms she doesn't want to get out of the car and it breaks my heart. Of course i don't want her to be like this as its not nice to see and i'm sure it hurts her mom. Also my son would be the same, when i pass him over to his mother, he puts his hands out and cries and wriggles out of his mom's arms to get back to me. I dunno if this is just a phase but its upsetting to see and i'm worried for my kids.
Any ideas?

Many Thanks

Jason