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Hello everybody, I am here today to ask advice on what rights I have as a farther for an unborn child and how to work the legal system.
I have been with my partner for just over 4 years now, times have been good and most of the time it has been very bad. Recently we have discovered she is now pregnant and I am over the moon. The only problem I have is that I can't be with her anymore, she tries to control me, such as if I go out with my friends for a few drinks she will tell me if I do that I won't be able to see my child when it's born etc... She has always been controlling and in the past I have just reacted. Now she is pregnant with my child I bow down to her every word just in case she gives me no acces to my yet unborn child. I am in the army so I can't see anything going in my favor and I am really scared of not being able to be a farther for my child. If it was up to me I would have the child 247 and her have nothing to do with but I know that is near enough impossible.
Anyway if you can give me any advice on my situation it would be greatly appreciated
I am looking forward to being a farther and relish the opportunity! Thank you all!
Hi there
Unfortunately as a father you don't have any rights until the child is born and then your rights can be limited by the actions of the mother.
I'm assuming that you are still with her but planning to end the relationship? I understand how difficult it is to be with someone that tries to control your life and it has probably got a lot worse since she became pregnant, it often does and this is partly due to the rush of hormones that happens to a woman in pregnancy. Pregnancy is a big deal for women, they are going through many changes both physically and emotionally and it can often magnify any insecurities the woman may have felt before falling pregnant too....unfortunately it's the father to be that is in the line of fire most of the time, try and be understanding and cut her some slack if you can.
It's wrong of her to use your unborn child as a bargaining tool and if the situation between you continues to deteriorate and you split up you will have to wait for the baby to be born before you can try and sort things out. There are a couple of options once the baby arrives, the first is to attend mediation to try and sort out arrangements for contact, but if this fails the mediator will sign the form to enable you to make an application to court for a Child Arrangements Order. If she refuses to register you as the father on the birth certificate you can also apply for a Parental Responsibility at the same time.
Young babies are very dependent on their mothers , especially if they are breastfed, so you must expect that contact will begin with short visits, but as the child gets older you can expect contact to progress and hopefully by the time the child is 18 months old overnight stays should have started.
Being in the Army may make contact a little harder and take longer to establish, but I would hope that when you are at home you will get longer periods with your child. When a father lives a long distance from their child they might not see them as regularly but they often get a larger share of holidays and I would hope that if it gets to court they would take your circumstances into consideration when working out a schedule of contact.
All the best
Thanks so much for the advice really appreciate it. I can see my self using this forum quite frequently!
You're welcome... It helps to get someone else's take on it...check out our expecting section, you might find it helpful.
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