Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello, I'm seeking some advice on what to do with the mother of My little girl.
I have custody of our little girl, we went to court got the court order, which states she has every other weekend and one day through out the week. I've offered her to keep our little one on the night of that weekday but she has never done this!
But for the past year it's been a nightmare, she basically doesn't have little one on her weekends, her parents have the little one on her day through out the week. So basically never sees her. But she is constantly saying to me we need a chat! I'm fed up of not seeing our little one, it's not fair on her etc etc!!
When it comes to her weekend she says oh I'm working I can't have her! Same as the day through out the week. It is her choice to work she is self employed so surely she could be more flexible? When she does eventually have her she doesn't stick to the timings agreed within the court order either she says well she is my daughter I can bring her back when I want to! Which most of the time is either 10 minutes before bed time or after bed time!!
So I feel she has breached the court order and want this sorted for my daughters sake, so she knows when she is seeing her mum! When she is going and coming back! At the moment I just don't say anything her about it being mummy's weekend as I don't want to upset her.
What would happen if it went back to court?
At the moment, there isn't a great deal the court is likely to do - the order is when you must make your daughter available for contact, but they won't (and can't) compel your ex to actually attend.
You need to start a detailed contact diary, showing every conversation (write this down as soon as possible after the conversation has take place, when it's still fresh in your mind), and where your daughter is during contact, and what time contact starts and finishes. Once you have done this for a few months, you then have the evidence to get contact reduced to a level where your ex can actually be reliable to turn up on time - your daughter needs this reliability even more than you do as she is connstantly being let down at the moment, which as not at all good for her wellbeing.
I've written everything down for the past year, surely that would be enough evidence?
It's just the stress of going through the whole process again which has put me off of going to solicitor again but this really does need sorting. For everybody involved especially my daugther!
Hi there
It's a difficult situation, perhaps mediation would help, it would give you a chance to sit down and discuss these issues with her. I think you need to make her aware that if she can't be there for your child as per the order, she has no grounds for stating that she doesn't see her enough, the solution is in her own hands..."make proper time for your child on the allotted weekends"...perhaps you could say that if she starts to cooperate fully with the order, including returning her on time, you might be open to agreeing extra time in the future.
As far as the weekly visit with your child's grandparents, that's probably a good thing, unless there are safeguarding issues to your child... at least she has continuity with her grandparents, if not her mother.
Do you communicate with the ex via text or email, I would insist that she puts everything in writing...calling you to tell you she won't be able to have her doesn't provide the evidence you'll need if it ends up back in court.
As actd says, the order can only state that you make your child available at certain times... going for enforcement would be sort of pointless in those terms and it's debatable whether they would reduce her contact time....for all the stress that court causes, it might feel like a bit of a hollow victory.
Letting your child down is a big deal, but you are doing your best to protect her and as she gets older she will figure it out for herself. I know this as it happens to my grandson, my son has full custody and the mother thinks nothing of moving the goalposts, he's 10 and he's fairly philosophical about it now...kids are pretty resilient if their home life is stable and loving.
All the best
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.