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Hi All,
My partner and his ex signed a mirrored undertaking when she tried taking him for a non-molestation order.
The terms are:
Not to post any messages which are derogatory or offensive on social media or any other platform
Not to use or threaten or become aggressive
Not to intimidate harass threaten or pester
Not to come within 100m of address
Not to instruct anyone else to do the above.
We feel this was breached as at handover point his ex's parents confronted my partner. Once the father squared up to my partner i got my phone out to video record the aggression. I was confronted by her mother telling me to put my phone away and then his ex tried to remove her mother when she realised i was filiming and then called me pathetic whilst her mother was trying to manipulate the situation by saying we provoked them. Usually his ex comes with her current partner and we have no issues at handovers but this time she came with both of her parents - we believe this was all due to my partner not allowing the mother to speak to the child whilst the child was in our care.
(Many reasons, irrelevant i think, but generally because the last time we allowed the mother to have a call she was saying things like miss you if you want to come back to mummys just tell daddy, mummys sad now you are gone and mummy will be crying etc). We thought this would be more unsettling than settling for the child.
Anyway they verbally abused us, and i would say it was quite intimidating and threatening how they approached us swearing etc, i think its unacceptable behaviour especially in front of the child.
Handovers are at a public location so possible CCTV footage caught all of it - not sure if there are cameras in that part of the car park though. It was reported by us to the police who put it down to a domestic dispute.
We wrote to the courts to say the undertaking has been breached and theyve come back saying we need to fill in a N78 form (commital application) . The order costs £155... personally i think its ridiculous you have to pay for a breach but thats my opinion.
It seems a bit extensive as a punishment to fill in a form to send the person of breach to prison but at the same time i feel that they need to understand that the behaviour they displayed towards my partner (and me) is unacceptable. I dont think they should go to prison nor do i think they will get that sentencing but i just want something done?!
I feel like the easy option here is for my partner to go for a non molestation against his ex - even more so because its free?
Any ideas/advise of what we could do?
Thanks
Most of these applications - for example committal to prison sound worse than they are - nothing will happen.
The real danger is that the child(ren) is/are being exposed to conflict - this more than anything could result in the order being changed or contact being stopped.
I know you'e not the instigators here but the Court will be looking to the adults to behave like adults.
I would look at asking for a variation to make handovers safer for the children.
Thanks,
We're already in child arrangement proceedings for my partner to have extended time with his child and ask for a variation to the order etc.
We are looking to have the handover's now changed back to our addresses but where the child will walk from the car to their front door where the other parent will be waiting .
We originally changed the handover to tesco for a public location to prevent this behaviour which in fairness it did for almost 2 years - now the child is of an age where they can walk from the car to front door we are looking to do that as it will stop the parents going within arms reach of each other.
To be honest all we are looking to do is extend the end date for the undertaking and change one of the terms in the undertaking.
The solution where the child walks to your door etc sounds better!
Also, how about asking for a non-mol at this hearing? Tell the judge the undertaking isn't deterring them from causing trouble?
The threat of an immediate arrest may calm the other side down.
I didn't think that they would be willing to listen for a non molestation during a child arrangement order hearing? I thought they would say that is a separate issue that needs to be addressed by applying for a non mol?
The threat of an immediate arrest may calm the other side down. - Sorry not following? Why threat of immediate arrest?
I was hoping going for the N78 form commital proceedings would sort of send the message that they cant just act however they want... but then if no outcome happens i feel like it will send a message to them that its okay to continue acting in that way - hence why i am hesitate to go for it?!
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