Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all,
Brand new here and first time poster, just after some advice.
Just to give a bit of back story, my ex and I split up last September, to then find out a week later that she was pregnant. We didn't get back together and have stayed separated since (i won't go into the details as to why we didn't get back together).
But our son was born in May this year, and is now around 14 weeks old - but contact for me has been very limited due to contact being all on the mum's terms - she will keep putting barriers in place and moving the goal posts to make things difficult. She let me take him away a couple of times, but then stopped. She kept changing her mind where contact would happen, either at her house with just us two, her house but I could bring my mum, then she banned all my friends and family from her house so i had to go down alone (which i am not comfortable with), then she told me to sort out a contact centre, which i did but she didn't want it to be supervised, only happy if it was us two in the room alone etc. It is very much her way or no way.
So i applied for us to go to a MIAM and after we had our first mediation session - not much was agreed to be honest. Mum wanted to put me on a 3 week trial, to basically teach me how to be a parents as she isn't happy with my parenting skills so far (no idea why) - after these 3 weeks she would then let me take our son away, but ONLY if she was happy with what she has seen from me. if not, then he won't be leaving until both him and her were ready.
my solicitor has said this is rubbish and there is no need for her to "teach" me to parent and put me on a 3+ week trial period.
Due to her changing her mind and contact not being guaranteed (she can easily just change her mind when she feels like it), i decided it best to go to court as that way we would have a legally binding contact order in place and my son and i would be able to spend time with each other.
My solicitor said that i can obtain a barrister for the case via a direct access route, which is fine - and that they will agree a set fee to take my case on and see me through the duration of the case (anything from a few hundred pound to over a thousand, depending on the experience of the barrister). A set fee sounded good to me, and whilst it isn't cheap, at least i knew what it would be costing me.
I have since emailed the chambers of the barristers i would look to be using (recommended from my solicitor) and asked them for a rough ball park figure for 3 different barristers - expecting them to say "person a will charge x, person b will charge y and person c will charge z" - but it appears they don't offer a "set fee" for the case - they charge on a hearing by hearing basis plus extras for drafting paper work and for any conferences. £250 plus vat for a conference, up to £800 plus vat for each hearing etc!
so the longer the case goes, the more i will pay - which is in stark contrast to the set fee that my solicitor said they would charge.
has anyone any experience of this? i fear that if we need to go back to court in 6 months/12 months time to adjust the order (so i can see more of my son) then it will cost another few thousand on top (and every time i need to go back to court).
would anyone mind saying what kind of prices they have paid in the past to get a contact order put in place?
It depends on how much work you're willing/able to put in yourself. There are plenty here who have done it for the cost of the court filing fee and DIY'd it themselves. I reckon mine will cost about £30K in total if it goes to final hearing, but I'm using a sol for everything and a very senior (and pricey) barrister. I was quoted up to £100K from a legal team based in London, but that is just ridiculous IMO.
If you're instructing direct access, you can pick and choose when you use them for, i.e. just final hearing.
Courts don't like people having to return to them, so there is a lot of emphasis on putting in a stepped approach to contact increasing. Hopefully this should prevent you having to make too many return visits.
Also be aware that mothers can often appear unreasonably possessive/protective of newborns & infants, but can loosen up over time, so it may be that if you get something in place now you can build a better relationship with her after a bit.
do as much as possible yourself - your ex will soon realise what it's costing you, and if she deliberately delays, then there will be more hearings and she can try to get you to drop the case due to the cost of ongoing hearings.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.