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Hello, I made a thread four weeks ago.. I was given some fantastic advice and it was really appreciated. In the end everything turned out really well. I am moving into my new home on Wednesday :woohoo:
As mentioned in that thread, my ex told me she was 'seeking advice', that she was going to the CAB, though she wouldn't tell me the reason. The last time she contacted me was Sunday the 23rd of June. She told me that she had an appointment with the CAB and she would contact me the next day when she had been given advise.
Instead she changed her phone number, blocked me from social media and never contacted me. I gave her two weeks to change her mind (she's done it quite often but u-turns when she wants a night out and cannot get a babysitter). After two weeks, I sent her a letter. In the letter I reminded her of our verbal agreement that I have my children 3 from 4 weekends, bank holidays and work holidays, and told her that I will not allow her to prevent me seeing my children. I gave her until Friday the 19th to reply, and said I would take her to Court if she does not reply or communicate in some way.
No letter arrived. I was looking at mediation, but if she does not reply to a letter, why would she consider mediation? My plan was to write another letter tomorrow. Asking if she would consider mediation, send a stamp in the letter and send it by special delivery which requires her signature. I was going to ask her if she would consider mediation, that all I want is a reply stating yes or no, so I can move forward. I'd say the alternative is for me to apply for a Court Order, which I will do Monday the 29th if I receive no reply by then.
I have the week off work next week, a week which I was planning on taking my children to the coast. I booked the week off work on my ex's request as she told me she had a course.. So the Monday I am free to see a Solicitor or arrange Mediation. I should add that I pay CSA every month on payday and have never missed, also that for the previous 18 months I had my children 80% of weekends. It would be 100% if I had my way but my ex rejected.
Thank you for reading, any advice would be appreciated. I really want my children for next week but I know it won't happen :/
Hi Kris π
I think it might be better to attend mediation anyway, discuss the issues with them and let them write a letter to her asking her to attend....she may be less likely to refuse if the request comes from a third party. Also if she refuses or ignores their invitation then you will be entitled to an FM1 form from the mediator. You will need this form to submit to the court with the C100 form to apply for contact. Court will always expect both parties to have at least attempted mediation before asking the court to intervene, the FM1 is to prove that you have made the effort to resolve the issues and her refusal will not look good!
Legal aid is still available for people on benefits or low incomes, here's a link to the legal aid calculator -
www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid
Thank you for the reply, I really have read these forums alot and expected I would have to do this.
I will only be able to sort all this out from next week, do you think it is worth sending a letter in the mean time? I guess it cannot hurt but I do not want her to accuse me of harassment or something silly..
Oh and just to add, will I have to see a Solicitor in her town or mine? She lives in a different County..
Obviously you know her best, but I think she could interpret it as being hassled! If she ignored the first letter she is likely to ignore the second...you are upping the game by going to mediation, its the first and only step before court proceedings, and an official letter will have more impact....just my opinion.
It's probably better if you choose a solicitor that is local to you, it will be easier for you to keep appointments etc... but use a mediation service that is closer to her. It can be the case that if mediation is a distance away from the resident parent they will use the travelling distance as an excuse not to attend because of childcare issues.
Today I have received a letter from my ex's solicitor. Here is how it reads (I actually sent the letter by first class on the 10th of July).
===============================================
We have been consulted by Miss *** **** who handed us your undated letter received by her on the 19th of July 2013.
We have been made aware by our client that contact arrangements have recently broken down. We are further instructed by our client that she is not opposed in principal to contact being reinstated on the following basis:-
1. Alternate weekends Friday 6:00pm/6.30pm through to Sunday 5.00pm/6.00pm.
It would be a condition of the above proposal that you collect and return the children from our client's home address.
If the above can be agreed then our client is quite happy for it to commence as soon as possible.
We are aware that you wish to exercise additional contact over the school holidays. In light of the recent gap in contact and the difficulties that caused the same our client is not agreeable to such additional contact at this stage. We should stress however that this is not to say our client will take a similar view during the next school holidays and in fact we assured that the issue will be kept under constant review. Our client would like for contact to be established as a regular routine for the children and once trust has been rebuilt the issue of holiday contact can be further considered.
We have advised our client as to the advantages of Family Mediation in circumstances such as this. Our client has taken on board that advise and is prepared to attend Mediation session to further discuss arrangements for the children. Are you prepared to attend mediation? If you are me will make the necessary referral.
In relation to Child Maintenance we have advised our client to make a claim through the Child Support Agency.
=================================================
I am quite angry with this letter. First of all, I wrote and made it quite clear, the day after she cut contact, I already contacted the CSA and set up a payment immediately. Why is this Solicitor telling me they've advised my ex to make a claim when I personally saw to this? And stated such on the letter?
Second of all, my ex changing her number, cutting all contact and not agreeing to our previous contact agreement = 'arrangements recently broken down'? I never once broke any agreement, she did multiple times, a break down would suggest a failure by both parties?
Alternate weeks is less than the previous agreement of 3 weeks in 4, which I never broke.
Now in regards to school holidays. As said previously, my ex asked me to take this week off work (commencing monday) because she had a Course to attend. I booked the holiday on her request, and now she is telling me I can't have my children, but I may be able to have them in holidays, where I don't have holidays from work.
The Solicitor then talks about 'trust being re-built'. Trust? The only person that is untrustworthy is my ex. She is the only one to have broken the agreement, I never did a thing wrong.
So, in a nutshell. My jealous bitter ex cuts contact, thus breaking our verbal agreement, I do not see my children for 4 weeks causing me stress, I book a week off work on her request which is now wasted, and because of this I am the one being punished by not seeing my children as much as previously, and not being able to have my children more than this until 'trust is re-built'.
Really, where is the logic in this?
I know I must remain calm and I know that I should be happy she is agreeing to some contact. I appreciate most on this board do not even get that.
I am wanting to reply to the letter myself, should I offer new terms to the Solicitor or just agree to mediation and get legal representation? Any advise would be appreciated. Right now I just feel like calling these guys and shouting at them.
Hi KrisS
As she has offered to attend mediation and they said that they will refer the matter, let them doit.
I would reply briefly, acknowledge the letter, the contents of which are most unhappy about; however confirm that you will be more than happy to attend and discuss the issues at mediation.
I would not worry about going into the ins and outs of it with the solicitor, you can raise it all with the mediator.
I understand how you feel, and yes, you must calm down and keep calm at mediation too, keep yourself a bulletpoint list of thing you want to raise that will help to remind you and keep you focused.
Don't forget that your ex will not have told her Solicitor everything, only what she wants them to hear.
Don't forget that your ex will not have told her Solicitor everything, only what she wants them to hear.
... and even then, it's not necessarily the truth.
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