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ex girlfriend wrote and signed a letter saying our baby resides with me from 17th october, can this be used if i want to dispute the court order etc? she has residency of our baby and the court case was a complete joke, i told the courts the story with proof of what i was saying that my ex didint want the baby she wanted me and the life i was giving her when she realised i would not go back to her she said ok you can have the baby but DO NOT CLAIM ANY BENEFITS!, and that she would dump the baby with me and tell me to pick the baby up at all hours because she couldnt cope or was drunk, i went to social services showed them text messages from her saying "come for baby im drunk" "come for baby im in pub car park" these were timed at gone 1 in the morning some were even at 4 in the morning! etc but they were a joke aswell, the police were the only people that were ok because i would go to the police and tell them because i didnt trust the ex girlfriend. part of the court order says my ex wife can not have any contact with mine and my ex girlfriends baby! there is no reason for this and i said in court it is a joke! the ex wife i have two older children with and is a good woman and we only broke up because i was stupid and had an affair with the now ex girlfrirend, thats like me saying " i dont want her ex near the baby" i'd have got laughed at if i'd requested that in court! i actualy got up and walked out of court on the final day because it was that much of a joke! and only found out that my ex wife was not allowed any contact with the baby when i received the court papers. up to october i would pick baby up daily and even get phoned at 2 or 3 in the morining to collect baby, i was self employed and my buisness suffered badly and was not working much, in october the ex girlfriend said she no longer wants the baby and for me to collect her, so since october i have had the baby and have closed my buisness down so i can look after baby full time. the ex girlfriend is still claiming all the benefits for the baby and i no im not struggling but it is a joke how low she is wanting to keep money that she is not entitled to, im still paying child supprt to her aswell! im scared if i go to the courts or even benefits agency that she will get angry and take the baby back and disrupt our life which is nice and peacefull at the moment. i also am looking at moving in the near future. has any one any advice on what is best to do? like i said i have a hand written and signed letter by the ex girlfiend stating baby no longer lives with her and lives with me full time also got a text message stating the same. any adive would be helpfull
Dear CRX
Firslty welcome to Dadtalk - we're gald to have you join us.
I have asked our legal experts to log on and give you some free legal advice about your situation, which sounds really complicated.
Hang in there as they will respond but it may take a few days.
im glad i came across this site it seems very good,the courts even solicitors seem to side with the mother. and dont see the reality side of these child residency cases. i was straight up about everything and when i said "if she doesnt cause any problems in the future things will be ok" i ment i'm never going to cause problems, the judge said..so if you are not happy with something you will cause problems!? i was seen as the bad guy. i would love the judge to actually see the reality of it, and that is im a decent dad that cares for his children and doesnt have any problems with my ex wife over our children because she is a decent woman and our children are number 1, and live a decent working life and care about people and are fair. yet the ex girlfriend has children with 2 other men and they are rough men that used to beat her and when she split up with them they basicly told her to get lost and she has no contact with their kids whatsoever! if she attempet to go to the courts they would go mental and would beat her up! she fears and in a way respects them. me on the other hand was nice to her and get treated like dirt, and im stuck and in a way under her control due to our baby, and need advice how i can get residency
Dear Crx,
We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
A letter stating that your child lives with you is not enough, as the court order is legally binding and any agreement made following this will not be, as the court order is still in force until your child is 16 years old.
In order to change this position you would generally be required to seek residence yourself for your child through the courts and follow the same process as before.
Although there is a provision that provides a residence order will lapse if the child is not living with the named person for six months, this may be difficult to argue considering the mother has the order and is claiming the benefits (which is generally the things that are considered) and so it would not be advisable for you to rely on this provision alone.
Also at present, you are in a vulnerable situation, as the mother has the right to enforce the order at any time she wishes and to simply remove the child from your care, or have the police do this for her, because she has this residence order in place. The written note would not be a consideration as the order is a legal document.
This note can be used in court to show that the mother has previously consented to the child living with you and to support any arguments that you may raise, and this would be of interest to the court when deciding whether to alter the residence order.
We hope that this information has clarified the position for you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
hi, i posted the above a while back, the situation now is i have been claiming child benifit for my daughter since 29 august 2010.
can some body please explain the provision which allows the residency order to lapse if the child has not lived with the named person for six months.
i'm not claiming child tax credit she wont allow it shes keeping that!
it's coming up to 6 months and i need advice.
thanks
Hi CRX,
Apologies. It looks like your last post has gone unanswered.
I'm no expert on this, but hope one of the moderators will forward your request to the CLC.
If this doesn't happen by the end of the week, I would advise that you contact them directly. If you click on the link above you'll be taken to their website where you'll find their contact details. Their advice is free and confidential.
Good luck!
i have since phoned child tax office and told them what has been happening and they have now granted me child tax credits and back dated me from when i claimed child benefit.
i have applied to the courts for residency.
the mother has since removed our daughter and wont allow me to see her, this was after i said shes wrong not letting me claim and i'm going to look for a unit so i can open garage again, because i am starting to struggle living of 64 pounds a week and my family helping me. so i'm going to work and family will help with child care, she then gave me verbal abuse and said i have to care for our daughter not my family so i can NOT WORK! i then said ok, let me claim then or you keep her during the daytime while i work, she said NO! I THEN GOT A TEXT SAYING I CAN PUT HER IN CHILD CARE AT A COST OF NEARLY 200 A WEEK! i said no, why when i have family to help me and in september our daughter will be starting school. that night a 2 in the morning the mother turned up at my house drunk, with a bag with a bottle of wine, 40 cigs, and her phone charger, i ignored her knocking for aslong as possible until she started shouting fot me to open the door, so i did to keep her quiet, due to having my 11 year old daughter from another relationship (who lives with me full time through her own choice) asleep along with our daughter and did not want them waking up. i opened the door and she attacked me with the wine bottle, both my daughters woke up, my 11 year old phoned the police, i had a cut foot cos the bottle smashed when she dropped it, the police were disgusted with her behavior, but just took her home.
this has been the case everytime i have mentioned to her that she is unfair claiming benefits while our daughter lives with me, she's abused her power of having a residency order in her favour and my love for my daughter, so i have always backed down and kept quiet in order to keep my daughter with me.
it's gone too far this time, and i'm worried that the judge wont believe me again and will keep the mother as the resident parent.
any advice would be appritiated
Hi, as I have said before to others, keep any texts, correspondence etc, and keep a diary of events and conversations as they happen (or as soon as possible afterwards). With your ex's behaviour, I would have said that you have a genuine reasons to be concerned for your daughter's welfare, and as such I would consider contacting social services. I would also say that you need to be looking at getting a residence order, and also an interim contact order as soon as possible to get contact back.
If your ex turns up at your house again in the same state, do not, under any circumstances, open the door to her - contact the police immediately and get them around to deal with the situation - at the very least it's a breach of the peace, and potentially it could be an assault charge.
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