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Hi,
First time I've ever posted on a forum - just looking for some advice/experience from other fathers that have gone through the same.
Me & my partner have split up. We have two kids, one nearly 4 and one nearly 1 years old.
I want to co-parent 50%. I want to actively be apart of their life, and I want them 50% of the time throughout the year.
Before I moved out - the original agreement was we take child benefit for each child, and keep everything away from CSA etc.
With my 1 year old, he is breastfed, and my partner plans to do it until self-weaning happens. I am more than happy to pay for my child, as I will not have the ability to have him overnight yet (as much as I disagree with certain aspects of this arrangement)
My 3 year old, I am able to have 50% of the time. The problem is, is that I work full time. My partner does not. Now I have managed to arrange with work to collect him from nursery etc, and I've managed to arrange with family to collect him too, so that when I get out of work, I can pick him up and spend my time with him that I want and deserve. I have suggested a 50/50 rota, alternate weekends and days.
My ex is basically saying that if they are not with me, they should be with her, even if that cuts into my 50% of the time that I feel I am entitled to.
So essentially, she wants to claim UC, child benefit for BOTH children, and then claim maintenance from me, based on the time schedule she wants to impose on me.
All I want is my kids 50% of the time, the ability to have the money to pay for them during that 50%, and allow my family to spend time with him, if I am at work.
Can anyone give advice on this at all? Experiences? Laws? Do I have a leg to stand on?
I just love my kids and I want the time and funds to have a great life with them.
I have a solicitor meeting coming up, but peoples input would be great!
Thank you
The position of family court is:
-Children develop best when they have relationships with both parents.
-Children should spend time with both parents as long as it’s safe and practical to do so.
50/50 is possible but is not the easiest to obtain when children are very young e.g. under the age of 2. However you can obtain orders for stepped arrangements e.g 2 nights per week before they turn 2 and 50/50 thereafter. For your 3 year old, you will need arrangements for today but also to include arrangements that will kick-in once they start school.
The child arrangement orders that you will get will largely depend on:
-Your ability to do reliably and consistently do nursery/school-runs.
-Your distance from the childrens nursery/school.
Your time with the children is your time. The court won’t have a problem with the use of family help or child minder for pickups. There are many parents that even still live their their mum or dad and that’s absolutely fine.
hi,
family courts treat child arrangements and child maintenance/financial matters as 2 totally separate issues. It's disappointing when parents place financial interests before the children. I would suggest to try mediation with your ex, and see if it's possible to come to some kind of agreement. you could take it to court as a last resort. I would be a bit wary of solicitors. if they are involved from start to finish, then your costs will be extremely high. recently came across a dad who spent £20,000 on lawyers to achieve a 50/50 agreement through courts.
Hi
I'd agree with the advice of the other contributors.
However, when you say your family will collect him from nursery, who is this? Is it one individual or multiple different individuals? For a child as young as 3 who is moving between 2 homes multiple times per week already to then add having to go to different family homes as you are working, the courts may decide he is too young and that this is not in the best interest as doesn't provide stability. Just something to be mindful of and try to work around.
I do know of dads who have either moved to part time working or given up working totally in order to have a 50:50 involvement in their children's lives after seperation and as the children get older, increase their hours at work.
If you do seek legal advice try to get clarity re this and don't let the solicitor over promise but under deliver whilst charging you a fortune.
All the best.
Agreed. 50/50 is an ideal but not feasible or in a child’s best interest if one parent can’t caregive reliably. Furthermore at the age of 1, the court is not keen on a child being passed between different homes throughout the week. Therefore expectations need to aligned accordingly.
The best approach for a child of that age is to have a child arrangements that ladder up overnight contact.
Thank you so much for everyone with their input and advice - it means a lot.
Our one year old, I understand the situation completely and will always facilitate the transition into overnight stays - of course! What is best for our boy is best for me. My partner is a big advocate of breast feeding as long as possible, without trying to express - which does put a strain on my relationship with our child. I do understand it will be hard for the father in this situation
However in our 3 year old, I am able to provide 50% care, along side grandparents collecting from nursery before my finish times at work for example. I don’t see why this would be an issue at all.
So are the courts happy with a child spending the day with a grandparent every week or two weeks a problem or does it prove a determent to the child for some reason? That’s the part that makes no sense to me. If the child has equal amounts of love, support, routine and care - how is that an issue by law? I am seeking ultimately to be an equal care giver?
Thanks all
Picture yourself as a judge. Who would you leave a 3 year old in the care of on Wednesdays?
Parent 1: On Wednesdays I work and grandparents will collect my son from nursery.
Parent 2: On Wednesday I am nursing my 1 year old and like our 3 year old to join us on playdates.
A deep relationship with parents is more important than spending time with grand parents.
What you do after child arrangements orders have been sealed don't matter. However during the court process it's all about presenting the best "case".
Outcomes in family court are predetermined and it's about manipulating your own circumstances to channel cafcass and court down your desired branch of their decision trees. This can include going part time during the court process or moving closer to a child's school.
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