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Hi all,
New here & first post… I’ve been lurking for a while and plucked up the courage to get it out… anyway…
End of Jan I received a call from child services informing me a case has been opened against me, and wife + kids are now staying elsewhere as concerns over welfare.
Naturally the call took me by complete surprise having walked them to school happily that morning… Spoke to wife who was a bit vague and sounded equally surprised so I thought nothing of it! Briefly spoke to the kids before bed, left it at that…
I had expected a good nights sleep and a convo the next day would shed some light on matters… yeah right!
Roll on bedtime (or so I thought) and I’m now unexpectedly arrested for alleged controlling and coercive behaviour towards wife. Taken to custody, night in cell, interviewed next day…
First big mistake having NEVER been involved with police before, was to interview without solicitor… I felt I had nothing to hide and wanted to disprove whatever the [censored] had been said (In hindsight I know this was stupid of me, but what’s done is done)… every question possible is asked; finances, socialising, intimacy. I was exhausted!
An hour after interview, I’m released on bail (I’m told by interviewing chap, that wife didn’t know I was arrested and didn’t want that…). Bail return set for end of April.
I should say at this point I (still) have no idea whether the wife has signed/submitted a statement for the CCB, or attended for a follow up interview (likely I guess?), but as such I’m currently in limbo until I find out what happens next… I get the feeling this has been brewing for a while but can’t be sure…
Since then a child protection plan has also been established, tied to ‘emotional abuse’ (review meeting date is set 3 days after bail). So, the initial plan call is shocking, nothing explained very well, the chair was [censored], case worker changes tune several times (surprise surprise), leave feeling like I’m at rock bottom, but must press on…
Having since had the core group call, it’s now clear there are some actions on me, such as attend a perpetrator DV course, substance misuse course, anger course… genuinely overwhelmed at this point and struggling to comprehend it all. Im still in the dark as to exactly what the exhaustive details are of the accusations. I only know what was discussed at the interview.
So I have a couple of questions for your good selves…
1. I haven’t formally instructed a solicitor yet, those solicitors that I have briefly spoken to (a few diff companies via free 30 min consultation), have said essentially nothing can be done right now until I return for bail, so no point in immediate instruction - would you agree? Am I right in saying her accusations are private law and the protection plan is public? Or is this typically dealt with ‘as one’?
2. Regarding the protection plan - am I putting myself at risk cooperating with the DV course etc to speed up the chance of contact with the kids / resolution, even though I’m not accepting I’m guilty for something I do not believe or even fully aware of? Feels like they’re pushing for me to fold/cave, but I hope I’m wrong and this is just a natural step in the process…
3. while all of this is going on, I’ve only managed one single Teams call with the kids in 5 weeks (via family worker). The wife is making it very difficult, claiming it’s too emotional for them, they need counselling first, and is even preventing me from handing over some birthday presents for the youngest as she thinks it’s inappropriate. Should I be doing anything other than cooperate at the moment? Or am I being too polite with the resistance put towards me? I should add that nothing at this stage has involved a court… I’d prefer to keep it that way!!
Apologise for the lengthy post… if anyone has any advice that would be fab - anything missing just ask and I’ll attempt to plug the gaps!
Ta!
hi,
I would advise against using solicitors. sounds like you need a formal arrangement for seeing kids. if thats what you need, then you can apply for child arrangements order (c100 form). because of the DV allegations and bail conditions, this makes you exempt from mediation, and you can apply to court. if you need advice fee free to get in touch. sending you private message.
Hi DadMod2,
Thank you so much for your swift reply!
So my solicitor query was more towards the DV allegations / bail. As mentioned I (stupidly) interviewed without one, and general seems advice is, not much can be done until I return (or hear sooner) to custody. But equally, I’m sat wondering whether there is any advantage in having someone on board now who would do some digging… never been here before and super tricky to wrap head around!
Do you have any thoughts on the DV course? Is this natural or am I incriminating myself further by attending? I can’t wrap my head around whether this influences the investigation as ‘accepting’ the allegations?! Or are they two separate things in this sense.
Ta!
am not sure, if DV course is not compulsory, then don't have to do it. if you apply to family court for child contact, if they order you to take course, then should do it. yes generally attending a course is admission of being perpetrator of abuse.
Thanks DadMod2.
Feels like I need to seek further advice? I say that because this is one of the ‘tick boxes’ tied to the CPP. I haven’t had a court instruct me to do this, it’s ‘just’ what the social worker put on the plan.
I’m frustrated because I want to do all I can to make progress with this CPP and of course prove that I am not a risk to my children - at the same time I have the bail situation with (I guess) an ongoing investigation, which of course I’m not fully privy to the current status of and do not feel I have any reason to incriminate myself unnecessarily… which I feel is what they’re trying to achieve. :/
Catch 22?
@alwaysandforever if social worker recommends you take it, then better to take it. then when you go family court for contact, that will work in your favour and hopefully speed things up. have you thought about applying for child arrangements order through courts?
@dadmod2 Hey DadMod2 - it is recommended on the plan, but I have also received input/advice that consenting to the course is essentially a supporting factor within the DV investigation... I am not aware of exactly what is being investigated, and I disagree with way it was presented to me during interview. Why does it make sense for me to take it, just because a social worker thinks so? At the moment it is not clear whether we will end up going down the route of family court for contact - I am hoping we can settle this outside of the courts somehow - or am I being naive here? we've already been discussing contact outside or maybe within a contact center, supported by the social worker. And to answer your question no I haven't thought about court at all - the thought of court horrifies me having never been in this situation before and feeling 110% overwhelmed. Is there some simple advice lurking somewhere on that topic?
There is a free Parenting after Separation course which you can join at the top of the page. Suggest you do that to show some commitment to improving the situation. There can be a long waiting list for the DVPP if you are required to undertake it.
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