[Solved] Are all Non-Mols the same?

Hi there

Whilst it doesn't state that you're not to return home, it would be strange for that not to be the case.

Can you use a trusted third party to communicate with her, or perhaps approach one of her family members, just to ask after the children and collect some of your belongings?

When is the next hearing, I would imagine it's fairly soon. You can submit a further application to the existing proceedings, to ask for a Child Arrangements Order for contact with your children. It's likely that it won't be dealt with until the non mol is resolved, but it will save time. You can also ask the judge if you can arrange for your belongings to be collected.

If you're innocent of the allegations she has made, its in your interests to contest the NMO. If it stands it will make it harder to get contact in place, although not impossible, you'll just have to jump through a few more hoops.

You could also call the court and ask them to clarify if the non mol prohibits your from returning to the family home.

All the best

Thank you Mojo for the quick reply. I guess it doesn't contain a not return home order because it's a marital property.

There's no issue with contact whatsoever and I can get belongings via a family member but I have a lot of work docs/business docs/etc I don't really want anyone else to peek through.

I am innocent of the allegations but she did get hurt due to an accident involving me. One of the requests she made through a mutual friend is that I accept the non-mol so that she doesn't have to drag me through the dirt in courts - and she doesn't want to go through the stress.

As far as I've read, the non-mol only contains things I shouldn't do anyway so was going to accept it to get back in her good books - worst case she leaves me anyway. Contesting it would only just cause more angst.

It's a great idea to ask the courts directly if non-mol prohibits me from returning home. I may ask a solicitor to have a quick look too.

Could you arrange via the family member for her to vacate the property at a given time, to allow you to go and retrieve your documents etc?

If you feel that there's a chance to reconcile, I can understand that you wouldn't want to muddy the waters further.

Perhaps you could ask the court to accept an undertaking, without admitting guilt, suggesting that neither of you wants to drag it out any further... you could get your mutual friend to speak to your wife about accepting an undertaking, explaining that it will bring closure without having it drag through court.

If she doesn't want to drag you through the dirt in court, an undertaking would avoid that, but the conditions would still form a part of the undertaking. If contact is ongoing, it might also help to have something in the undertaking/order that allows for contact with her where it concerns the children, for making arrangements and in emergencies.. that kind of thing.

Thanks for the great ideas. I'll try find out if I can go to the property with a mutual friend when she is out.

Will check on whether she would accept undertakings. That would be great for both of us. Just wondering though, isn't it up to the judge whether to accept an undertakings? Or could the two parties just both agree and that's that?

The judge would have to agree, but if she’s willing it would make it easier for the judge to do so. It’s not a done deal but worth a try.

Hi,
From my partners experience, if you want to contest but not have to go through all the hearings etc you can say that you do not accept the allegations but moving forward you will accept an undertaking as you are confident you will not breach it. However i would ask for it to be served to both parties.

An undertaking option will be dependant on how serious the incident was and evidence provided. My partner's ex had no evidence but he still agreed to an undertaking on the basis that his ex will also sign a mirrored undertaking as he didnt want the stress of the hearings to prove otherwise. I think both parties agreed in his case to have a mirrored undertaking and so the judge also agreed.

I think you can still ask for certain conditions to be in place (for undertaking or non mol). I.E explain there are children involved and therefore have it written like so:
XX must not attempt to enter my home and should only go to the outside of my property for the purpose of dropping or collecting child which will be set out in the child arrangement order.
or:
XX must not telephone, text, email or otherwise contact or attempt to contact me, except for the purpose of arranging child contact

Good Luck

Thank you Ldad!

I can't get through to the court on phone. Would it be sufficient just emailing them with a request of undertakings or would I need to go in person in front of a judge on the hearing date?

It’s essential you attend.

The reason I didn’t suggest a mirrored undertaking is because she was hurt, this is likely to be taken into account and may be the reason a judge won’t accept an undertaking. However if she also states that she’s happy to accept it, it may sway the judge.

As with all cases, it’s impossible to predict the outcome, as all cases are different and judges will have differing methods of dealing with certain situations... bottom line, good judge, good result.

If your mutual friend can speak to your wife and get her to agree, it would be helpful before contacting the court. You could then say that through a trusted third party, you have both managed to agree a way forward, and to avoid further hearings, would both like to ask if an undertaking without guilt would be acceptable by the court.

When. Is the next hearing?

I'm under a lot of pressure right now and the mutual friend is away on holiday. I have been asked many times to accept it and today I sent an email to the court saying I do not contest. The thing in my mind is that if I delay or contest, she will want nothing to do with me.

I thank you guys for your advice earlier. It's just a [censored] poor situation that I have never been in and can't deal with. I'm going out of my mind.