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In great need of some advice from dads with some experience on the following matter. Also if I can help anyone move forward in their situation from my own experience of my separation, please just ask.
My wife and I separated last June 2016 after her affair came to light, I moved out in September 2016 to a rented 2 bedroom flat in the same town.
We have 3 girls, 9yo and twins 5yo, our marital home is a large 4 bed detached, with a market value of around £300,000 morgage outstanding around £155,000
Both have pensions CETV are £120,000 for my wife's and £65,000 for mine of which is near half hers. We have yet to divorce, our marriage has been over 12 years to date. My wife works 30hrs a week as a nurse, I work full time, I have the children 52+ nights a year along with restricted contact in the week to a Tuesday pick up from school and a Friday drop off at school around my shift pattern, although I could do more.
I have always been a very connected dad and have an amazing bond with my girls, along with supporting them at school assemblies etc, my wife has tried to limit my contact for no reason, I have to just do my best. My flat has a triple bunk bed in the 2nd bedroom and it's not large enough to bring my girls up in the surroundings we deserve.
We have gone through mediation of which my wife lied through her teeth about her co-habitation and it fell apart as she wasn't willing to offer any swift resolution for my life to move on financially. I pay our joint loan £300 a month and she has a car on finance £340 a month, my child maintenance is £507.
Her boyfriend who is separated financially from his wife (not yet divorced) moved in and his 18yo son lives part time in the dining room that has been converted to a bedroom. She was claiming working tax credits £480 a month for 4 months after he moved in, I think this ceased 5 months ago after I understand the benefits dept queried her living arrangements with her boyfriend etc. I do not believe he has mail going there etc but to his mums. He is there every night and I could obtain witness statements from the neighbours to confirm this.
My wife now wants to divorce me on grounds of my adultery, as I have a new girlfriend and as I have not filed for divorce myself sooner due to waiting to see how the co-habitation plays out, my solicitors says that's not a problem and we have decided to share the court costs. The stumbling block I have is that I cannot see how and when I could be bought out of the property and free to buy/rent a more suitable property for me and my girls. My solicitor is not very dynamic and doesn't really give me good advice on how to root out any possible devious acts that will be played once I agree to a divorce and she rushes it through to a new house valuation and then onto the financials with triggers. She believes that no money owed to me should go into another family if I ever moved in with my girlfriend, she lives 1.5hrs away and it is early days, also I would never leave my town as my work is here and my girls, maybe once the girls are of age I might consider it but now my focus is me and my girls.
I would like to avoid the divorce firstly and consider the finances first, I believe a court initiated financial assessment with a form E would route out the co-habitation as he earns a good salary, their income would be £70k plus, she will not acknowledge removing me from the morgage with a re-morgage with her boyfriend untill she warrants it ok to do so.
I just don't know what to do, my funds are limited so I have to choose wisely my next step as she is very devious and only thinking of her and the girls and not considering my future with them.
Any advice would be greatly received.
You need to make the financial application and let the court decide if you are unable to.
The court will look at both your housing needs, what your current & future finances are and then make a decision for you. If she is living with her partner, that should change the view of the court with regard to her ability to pay for a property for her and the girls. The court will take into account the fact that you have the girls with you and need to provide them with suitable housing.
Best of luck
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