Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
HELP!!
My story in a nutsehell..
Split up 4 years ago and was stopped from seeing children immediately for no reason, she moved house and wouldn't tell me where they lived. Letters went to and fro from solicitors for 18 months and mediation which was deemed unsuccessful. Took her to court to gain contact to children where she claimed there was DV during the relationship and I was an alcoholic (both untrue). She then back down and said I could see my children. We met in a mutual place and after half an hour she left me with my children (it had been almost 2 years since I saw them)
I had contact with them for 6 months which included overnight stays at my home. I received constant abuse and threats but put up with it as I was seeing my chidlren. SHe then stopped contact allowing indirect contact, however, then my eldest child, who was still quite young said they didn't want to see me, this followed by my middle child - who was even younger said the same.
I went back to court and this has been going on for 2 years. She made accusations which got to fact finding but when the judge saw her statement and lack of evidence, threw it out of court. CAFCASS have been invovled, have no safeguarding issues and things have been put in place for the children to work through their feelings and wishes. The mother has made every excuse possible to stop the chidlren completing anything when they are going well. If there is any indication they are showing they want to see me, she says they are upset at home.
Social Services completed a S7 report which indicated the mothers influence was the main reason for the children not wanting to see me. Indirect contact and supervised contact followed this which my 2 youngest children were to attend. This was a success, however in the week leading up to the next session, my middle child said they didn't want to see me (big suprise to me and social worker). Eldest child is writing letters which only says they hate me - nothing else.
Contact with youngest child is continuing supervised and moving into supported soon however signs of being turned against me are creeping in. Sessions have been positive each time.
Court have not acknowledged anything in S7 report or the addendum which highlights the concern over middle child and has not instruted SS to carry on being involved. Children are continuing to go against and abuse is received regualarly from Mother if I do not agree to what she says.
Mother refuses to engage with any professional that disagrees with her, has broken all the orders that have been put in place, makes up new stories about the children in court and the judges say nothing.....
I simply do not know what to do anymore!!
Unfortunately this almost mirrors my fight this last 6yrs which i can only say was going OK until i asked for more contact (overnights / holidays etc…) which was refused….new judges last year…new CAFCASS and result is i now have no direct contact.
All despite reports showing the ex’s anxiety is the root of the problems and may be influencing my son now…..
No safeguarding issues all reports glowing over the years but now no direct contact due to CAFCASS and different Judge!
It stinks!!!! My son is being emotionally abused by his mother…and i cannot do a dam thing to stop it happening…i’m failing my son as a parent by preventing him from being harmed in any way!
Best advice i’ve received in this last 6 months…..get someone with proper Family court legal knowledge to help you…..Look for a good McKenzie friend……half the cost of a solicitor but well worth the costs.
I fought for 4 of the last 6yrs without legal help….the first two years cost me over £9500 using solicitors. The last 6mths have cost less than a £1000 and that would have been double had i used a solicitor!
How do mothers continue to do this to our children and get away with it??
The last time I saw my children before mother stopped contact, they were crying because they didn't want to go home. She claims they have always said they don't want to see me.
But no one in the court listens to the dads...
It makes me so cross that there are so many cases following similar lines out there.
I'm sorry to read of your experiences and would suggest you find as much legal advice as you possibly can.
It's worth looking for a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area where you can meet other parents and get some guidance and support.
As Dad-i'-d says, a legally qualified or experienced McKenzie Friend could be an option. Depending on your area, one of our mods or members should be able to help you find a recommended one.
Good luck and keep chipping away.....
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.