[Solved] Aim high and receive low?

I wouldn't advise going for full residency if there aren't good reasons for the court to give consideration to this. However I would advise that when asking for an amount of contact that you ask for more than you would be happy with, that allows for relatively painless compromise.

Go for shared residency, it's implication is one of parental equality rather than an exact 50/50 sharing of care. If you go for shared residency and a 50/50 shared arrangement then you could get it if your circumstances are deemed right, a lot depends on the judge. If you don't the likelihood is that you would still get more than if you went for the usual weekend/midweek scenario.

There's loads of shared care research on the web which you can use to back up your case.

Hi There,

I think your right that when asking for contact time that asking for more when you will except less is the right way to go, I'm not sure that I would do that against full custody/residency and shared care.

when your looking at how much time you get asking for more is no different as the out come is the same, you get a contact order that states XYZ, you get contact it's just how much that changes, what your thinking is 2 different ouut comes so I would just go in asking for shared and stick to your guns on that but then negotiate on how that is translated in too actual contact time.

Others may have different views this is just mine.

GTTS

I agree with GTTS!

The aim should be shared residency however dont fret if you dont get 50/50 time with the children as you can always take it back to court if in 12 months the childrens time is not working out in theyre best interests.

Regards,

Dave

Personally, and this from my experience, so it is not a hard and fast rule, but I found that the crux of the outcome in my case was based a lot on negotiation - between myself and the ex's barrister.

I think you have to in your own mind have a realistic set of contact proposals/shared residency proposals laid out that are sensitive to the needs of the kids and child focused. If you present proposals in court that are unrealistic i.e reversal of residency, then you may find that does not aid you in negotation at all.

It's completely feasible to present a resonable set of proposals, and if your ex and her representation try to negotiate you down to a lower level of contact, then you ultimately have the choice to compromise with them, or stand firm and hold out for what you request. It's not a set rule that you will always get less than what you ask for, but certainly the ex may try to negotiate you down to less than you really want.

If your case is good and the ex is benig unreasonable, then that is why the judge is there, to make a decision based on the evidence. In my own situation, I had my best case senario which was backed up by evidence and child focused reasons, and I had a lower level which I was prepared to accept for the sake of progressing things and avoiding any more warring.

I will give you an example of the negotiation that took place the morning before my hearing. Bearing in mind last october my son was 20 months old, and we are 250 miles apart, I asked for the following:

Weekend contact on a fortnightly basis.
Overnight contact to begin in january/february 2015 - staying in local accomodation to my ex i.e premier inn
Visits to my home to commence in 2015
Shared contact at xmas and buirthdays e.t.c

On the day my ex agreed to weekend contact, but was not budging on overnight contact citing premier inn to be unsuitable for a child of 22-23 months old.

She also insisted overnights or visits to my home could not start until my son was 3 years old.

We had a problem. But like I say, I explained to her barrister my position and the evidence and reasoing I would present to the judge. I offered a compromise on starting overnight contact in april 2015 and visits to my home in september 2015. The barrister went away, came back some time later, and said all had been agreed with the ex. The judge signed it off and an order was made.

So my advice is this. Have a best case scenario that is backed up by evidence, logic and rationale, whilst being focused on your childrens age and development. Have a level of contact that you would be happy to compromise on. If your ex is unreasonable, you have the option to decline their offer and allow the judge to decide based on the evidence.

Simon.

If you are going for 50/50 shared residency then it would be a good idea to attach a schedule of how that would work in practice.

The essence of shared care is more about equality between parents and the premise that the child has two homes and goes between the two.

Generally when shared residency is granted there is less emphasis on defining the amount and duration of contact and more on the parents working together and sorting it out between themselves. This can be open to abuse IMO and I would always encourage pushing for definition within the order.

Thank you for all of your replies. I think I'll draw up a schedule of how I would perceive the contact to go. I have in my mind a very rational and easily workable situation which helps my sons get the best of my time. I just need to keep going now.

Being driven up the wall by my ex. Another email from her telling me that now I can only call once per week as "you have made it clear you only want to call occasionally" and then another stating that she will "decide when and where I can see the children under supervised contact at a contact centre so that you don't make mistakes with the timings".

Driving me up the wall. Making out that I don't want to speak to them but then only allowing one day a week... then it's more drivel about the contact centre timings. I had a date confirmed and then she changed it without telling me!!!

Arrrhghhh... WHY WHY WHY!!! :huh: :huh: :huh: :huh:

How could I argue this proposal in the best interest of my 2 year old son:

I seek shared residency, 3.5 days a week. Wednesday from 6pm until Sunday 9am. I live 30min from my wife's new home and when son starts nursery, which will be the one close to my wife's new home, dropping him off won't be difficult. Also, I plan to sweeten deal by asking her parents to drop off and pick up my son from nursery (wife lives with them) and I'll collect from them. So they spend more time with him.

Before he starts nursery on the days he's with me my mum will look after him. She lives 30min from me in the opposite direction. However now after the split my parents are thinking about moving in with me permanently.

How do I make this more child centric? I think it's important that I see my son as much as possible and just contact isn't enough to build a relationship.

Before my wife left, Monday to Friday I used to be the one who dropped off and picked up my son from our parents houses. Mon to Tue he would be with wife's parenst and the wed to Fri with mine. So he has built a strong bond with both grandparents.

I also work from home so my hours are flexible.

Any advise on how to make the above facts child centric would be great