[Solved] After grief of final hearing.

I would say that it is, but hopefully those with more knowledge will add to this.

When does she say that 2 nights in a row will start? We're into January now, so if she does stick to this, then I wouldn't give this more than a passing mention that she breached that in December, but if it continues, then she has no argument whatsoever.

Mr B, I'm certainly not legally qualified, but I'll leave you with some thoughts.

The courts see cases of dads who haven't seen their children in years, what will it will look like if you go in asking for enforcement over one night ? It seems to me that your main issue is not being able to organize holidays and taking your child abroad. To me that sounds more like a Specific Issue Order rather than an Enforcement Order. I know that may sound like a technicality, but I don't think it is. Enforcement orders could result in the extreme (but unlikely) case end up with the mother in jail. It's very different, and I wonder if it could mean the difference between coming across as a level headed dad making a reasonable request rather than a disgruntled dad looking for an argument over a one night breach which she can easily brush away by saying the child was sick (which by the way is a terrible excuse, but one courts are all too happy to consider).

Another thing to consider is that this is a dangerous thing to do. Depending on the study and country you look at, something like 25% to 50% of dads loose meaningful contact with their children within 2 years of separation. You and I are not out of the woods yet, and really, we'll probably never be, but just to emphasize the point that whatever you do needs to be balanced and well justified, and you need to be very specific about what you're asking the court to do.

I disagree with a lot of what Superprouddad has said......sorry 🙂 I'm not a lawyer but I have several years of experience assisting parents with court matters.

I don't think you should go barging in with an enforcement order immediately, however....... refusing to play ball with the passport, cancelling one contact already & refusing to organise bank hols, refusing to communicate at all, saying your son's mental health is suffering due to contact & lying about seeking medical help........in my experience, has all the hallmarks of a parent who is going to become more and more difficult and could end up being implacably hostile to contact full stop.

I have seen dads who have struggled for quite some time before going back to court & the judge ask why they haven't returned sooner. I would say the biggest red flag here are the claims about your son's mental health. It's not about how you appear to the court, it's the welfare of your son that is paramount. There is case law about previous proceedings that have shown signs of intractable hostility from the outset and that it needs nipping in the bud to protect the child's emotional wellbeing.

When are you thinking of taking the holiday? For eg, you could book it and if there is no passport 4-6 weeks before, you could make either an emergency enforcement application or an emergency specific issue application and mention everything else at the same time.

If the holiday is sometime in the future, it might be worth sending one letter recorded delivery to the mother asking her politely to comply with the order and remind her of the terms? You could say that if she continues to breach the order, sadly you will have no other option than to return the matter to court. If she continues to breach, on say another two occasions, you would be well within your rights to make an application for enforcement.

The other option is this.......you could try writing to the judge who made the order and let them know that the current situation is beginning to deteriorate and that you are worried for your son's emotional wellbeing on the basis of the claims the mother is making, that she has begun to breach the order & refuses to communicate with you. You could ask that they restore the matter to court before the situation deteriorates any further as the order is less than 3 months old. Just don't send any evidence with the letter to court though, as you won't have permission to do that. They're not obliged to restore it, but it's worth a shot as a second step after writing to the mother.

Remember to keep all correspondence in writing so that you have proof of everything. Best of luck

Thank you everyone for your time you took to reply it means a lot. I was stressing out a little yesterday I think that the ordeal of going through the process's can do this but I'd consider myself a patient man and I will do what I can do to avoid further court hearings and I will always try diffuse the situation if I can although things have built up recently.

I agree that I would not want to go in looking like a disgruntled dad for a enforcement order. The 2 nights started in Jan for the weekends but it was in the order that i have 1 night prior and it was my Xmas therefore taking it to over 2 nights on this occassio. Bottom line I'm not going to argue in court over just one night but would just add it to the list should I ever go back.

I had my boy last night and I know his mother has her phone on when I have him. I decided to chance my arm and text her, normally this is met with threats of harassment but I was very polite and said I let her pick the bank holidays and she said she get back to me. I give her benefit of the doubt on this but she normally strings me along but at least I got a response and I will make it more formal in writing if this not sorted soon.

Agree with Yoda this mental health thing is worrying but I've spoken to another professional and explained to them the situation. The good thing is I know a lot of it is a lie because the Dr has confirmed that he has not seen him despite her family saying he has. I really hope this is just something to try and get at me but I do have my concerns that behind closed doors they are being very negative towards me.

One thing I've got in my favour is I'm getting more and more contact and by spring I have 3 nights per week some weeks. My son is not great with the hand overs and often crys but soon as he with me settles and he enjoys all his time and I have no doubt he would be fine for a week. I've just got to keep up my work doing my best and I think for time being I'm going to put this mental health thing down to her family being spiteful but u will closely monitor. Our bond is what giving me the strength to do this.

My friend has come up with a good idea. I'm going to give her notice soon for a holiday and book the cheapest thing I can eg ferry to France or something. Once the day comes to exchange the details I can test the water to see if I get the passport this way I've not got much to lose and I might just say I'm going to cancel and have him a week at home. I want to know I can secure the passport before I make a big commitment.

I'm going to hold my horses once more on an enforcement order. I will keep trying to be as amicable as possible. One thing I've noticed in my ex behaviour is that when contact moves forward more she becomes a pain in the [censored] then settles. I'm going to ride the storm for a bit but as said watch this mental health thing closey but I think if any of it was true she would not hesitate one bit to try and stop contact but she doesn't have a case I think.

I keep all records/texts/emails and all my letters are polite and recorded delivery and I've sent 2 so far one about the passport one about the mental health. I've played it by the book so far and prevailed in the long run and hope this continues.

Thank you again

What you describe sounds like a carbon copy of what i'm experiencing. As the progressions kick in, the ex goes a bit more bananas. We also have the same situation of our child sometimes ( not always ) crying during handovers. She uses this as an argument to say that he doesn't want to be with me and that I am causing him psychological damage by wanting to be with him "so much". She also recently started recording the handovers, and even pays people to come with her to the handovers, all of which I find a bit creepy. On top of that, she told me she spoke to social services and they don't think it's normal that our son cries during handovers.

For the most part I just ignore it, focus on having a good time with our child and carry on smiling and being nice to her, but deep down i know this isn't normal at all.

Yeah from what I've seen from my handovers it's very worrying because some of the behaviour from my ex and her mum is not normal and the things they say infront of me and my son is is not appropriate and makes me wonder what going on behind closed doors.

My handovers were find for good while then soon as the final hearing done I've had nothing but trouble. Last week I had a incident with her mum, boy was crying and she was holding him like usual like she never going to see him again saying " ah poor boy he don't want to go" I politely said you need to stop that and be more positive this lead to her causing a scene and making my son distraught. I took him away crying and she was shouting you wicked man down the street. When I dropped him off I said any behaviour like that again I call the police.

The one thing I know is that soon as he settles and most time as soon as we around the corner his fine and loves his time. Again all we can do is our best and take the morale high ground.

What your ex is saying sounds like bullshit to me. I've spoken to a friends partner who social worker off the record and she say it's normal kids cry at young age but if it's more regular after i explained my situation which similar to yours she said that the child is picking up on the mothers anxiety and that is likely making the problem worst. She also stated unless there a safety concerns then things like this are a family matter and they would not get involved so I think this is scaremongering on your ex behalf. I'm pretty sure they would come knocking at your door if they concerned.

I must admit I also don't think it's normal for regular crying and also shrug it off and enjoy my time but the situation could be out of our hands if the mother are not pro active about contact. I just give it my all in our time and I generally belive that our kids will realise in time. I try by reassuring my son that everyone loves him and that he has 2 homes and explain what days he sees me and tell him to be a brave boy and not have tears when I pick him up as lots of fun awaits. Hopefully this can help in time.

Things like "shouting wicked man down the street" are just creepy. Now can you imagine what it would be like if the child was 10 or 12 and this kind of thing was happening ? I think that's the danger zone where a kid is more likely to be pressured into saying he/she doesn't want to see one of their parents, normally the one he spends less time with.

Which leads me to the belief that in many (but not all) cases, enforcement applications are a lose-lose proposition. Either you don't get enforcement and you lose, or you get enforcement, the mother gets annoyed, escalates her badmouthing of you and your family to the child and you lose.

The only antidote I know of is for the kid to spend more time with your side of the family, because then they are not drinking poison and can see first hand that you lot are not as bad as they are told.

I'd sooner apply for a variation to spend more time with the child than an enforcement order.