[Solved] Advice to try to help motivate a father

Hi there, I wouldn't advise not returning the children to their mother unless there are safeguarding issues when they are with her. This wouldn't reflect well on the Dad at all.

Her being on benefits would not qualify her for Legal Aid, this was removed in April 2013. Legal Aid is now only available in cases of proven Domestic Violence.

Since April this year, it is now mandatory to attend mediation before applying to court so he would have to start there. As his ex is on benefits, she should qualify for Legal Aid for mediation. Your brother-in-law would have to check whether he qualifies for financial assistance for this, as the mum does qualify, his first session will be free.

If they are unable to agree in mediation, the mediator will stamp the C100 court app so that an application is allowed to be made. An application to court costs 215 and there is a form EX160 that might reduce the fees depending on financial circumstances.

When you say 'main parental rights' do you mean for the children to live with the Dad instead of the Mum? Courts rarely order a change of residency unless there are safeguarding issues for the children in their current home.

Court isn't pleasant but sometimes it is the only option. Lots of Dads on here self rep and it doesn't have to cost a fortune and isn't as daunting as it seems at first.

If a court order is in place and the mother breaks it, the father can apply to the court to have the order enforced. Usually the mother gets a slap on the wrist but if they repeatedly do it, the consequences can get much more serious eg, community service, custodial sentence, change of residency for the children but these are rare.

Hi - thank you for replying.

I know he wouldn't keep the kids at his and not return them as i asked, it was more for an fyi if that information is correct or not. When i say main parental rights i do mean to stop with him as the main caregiver. I believe they do have safeguarding issues, however nothing i think they could necessarily prove. It is well known that her current partner who she lives with is a drug user, but cannot be proved. More than one the kids have visited the father and they are wearing dirty clothes, there unwashed and have bruises on them. The oldest child had reported once to his teacher about how he saw his mother 'attempt to slit her wrists' and that was reported to social services but nothing really became of it. Also he has showed signed of sexualised behaviour as he has been caught googling about different sexual positions and acts, something were not sure an 8 year old should be curious about. Are these things that they should be reporting?

I dont think if it went to mediation he would agree. I think if it went to that she would try to agree to avoid going to court as right now (imo) she likes having the control of 'you cant see them' over him.

My problem is my brother in law is very much interested in having an 'easy life'. He doesnt want to fight. Im hoping if i can get some facts together for him it might motivate him into fighting for them and getting some control over the situation rather then moping about being the victim. The kids are getting old enough to understand that there are 2 sides to things but all they will hear/see is the version of 'your dad isnt bothered' and they will remember this. It wont be so easy for him if in a years time she decides he can have them again as they will have questions and he wont be able to honestly answer them.

As his ex is the main carer, I think the simple answer is that he can't keep the children - his ex would simply call the police and your brother-in-law would be in a whole world of trouble and would then be in an uphill struggle in any future hearings. Parental responsibility is explained here https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities -realistically, if your brother in law doesn't want to make a fight of it, then the last think he needs to be doing is something which will involve the police turning up on his doorstep.

Thanks, i wouldnt ever advise that to him, as tbh he isnt the brightest spark and would cause more problems than its worth, wanted to know more for an FYI if he has the rights or not.