[Solved] ADVICE PLEASE - new court hearing

Take the statement with you on the day.

I would be surprised if a court favoured her application considering the current arrangements are clearly working well.

If they weren't working, she would have said / done something before now and taking it straight to court seems somewhat extreme.

If the children are used to staying with you for this time and it suddenly reduces, this will have an emotional impact on them and the last thing you want when a little one is starting school, is upheaval at home.

Best of luck

Hi all,

Thanks for all your comments and advice. It occurred to me that I had been guilty of taking advice then not feeding back how it went; so here goes.

Firstly, I'm glad you all advised to take a position statement with me. I handed it in to the court clerk and gave a copy to the other side. I think this did me a number of favours (not least the magistrates appearing sympathetic to my cause - more on that later), but also helped me be clear in my position.

So I represented myself (so glad I did). While I was really nervous before things got going, I quickly realised when I started talking to my ex's solicitor or in the court room that actually I know my situation better than anyone and with the greatest of respect it comes across more personable to speak for oneself. My confidence grew.

Her solicitor first tried to argue that my eldest was struggling at school from living with me. I brought along his attendance record (100%), and his school report (better than expectations for age and no behavioural issues) and dismissed this. They then changed tack to say that my youngest seems distressed from time with me. I pushed back, said I had not seen anything of this and even if it was true, would we not first try and work some soft options out to help him rather than take each other to court! Then they changed tack again and said my ex was upset that she had no weekends entirely to herself (as on her weekend I pick them up at 5pm Sunday). I again pointed out that given she is arguing they don't get enough sleep she shouldn't really be doing much with them after 5pm Sunday anyway blah blah blah. Long story short - they kept trying different angles of attack and I was able to rebuff them and hold firm. I said I was happy to talk about changing the arrangements, but only if the end goal is to improve the experience for the children not to reduce my time with them.

We eventually agreed there was no agreement to be had and that we would need a contested hearing early next year.

Upon being called to the courts their side said their bit. I was asked if I wanted to say anything and I thought "I may as well get some experience talking in court" so decided to say a little. I expressed the views I have made in this forum (that I can't see how change while starting school helps settle a child) and the magistrates were kind in saying that my position statement was "eloquent and was clear the distress these changes could cause the children". I felt like they were minded to back my position, but obviously this wasn't a final hearing.

So in short - I survived, nothing has changed yet. I have gained experience and confidence. I still don't trust the court system so perhaps it will all go wrong at the contested hearing, but fingers crossed I'm well placed.

Thanks for your help again

hi,

thanks for the update. was it not possible to ask the judge for their directions/guidance, instead of not reaching an agreement with the ex?

I guess it may have been. I guess this is the downside of representing yourself - you don't know what else you're allowed to do because you don't know the system. I rather went where i went when I was asked to and spoke when I was given the opportunity to speak and said my bit. I guess I wasn't in the right place to know if there was anything specific I could ask of the court!

Fingers crossed it works out alright in the end

One further thing has happened actually, and I wonder if anyone can advise me on what I could do.

Last week my ex went on holiday for a week. She only told me and the children a few days prior to leaving. She left the children with her boyfriend (they do not live together).

So for the children, mum disappeared with a few hours notice and they:
- had to live with someone else
- had to travel to/from school with that person (note for those who read the current court process my ex is stating the time it takes my boys to get to school from my house 20-25 minutes as too long and disruptive to them, yet she left them with her boyfriend to travel in 30 minutes to school
- for my youngest this was his 8-12th ever days at school

For me, I was only given a few hours notice that:
- my children would be living with someone else, somewhere new. I had to ask for the address
- I wasn't given the opportunity to provide the care myself, which in my opinion would have been much more appropriate

To be clear. I'm fine with the fact that there will naturally be times over the children's childhoods where one of us can't be there during our contact. To me, if one of us has to be away we should give the other parent first refusal on the time. At the very least, we should be giving substantial notice to both each other and the children of change. I think this is a terrible abuse of her position as the primary carer.

So some advice please. I think this action contradicts her taking me to court to offer the children more consistency, because I live 20 minutes from the school and it's disruptive, and that it's hard on our children to start school from two houses. At the very least I would like to use this to get the current court proceedings thrown out. So does anyone know/have any advice on:
- Is what she did legal? I suspect it probably is however....
- Is it frowned upon? Given we share the children 60:40 it feels like it would have been far less disruptive for the children to live with me while she was gone
- Can I give this information to Cafcass to update their recommendation to the court for my final hearing?
- Is it worth me writing to her solicitor in advance of the next court hearing to point out that this was inappropriate/contradictory with her court proceedings and that I don't want it to happen again/will be advising the court of these events? Perhaps this may lead her solicitor to advise her to drop the current proceedings?
- I can't see how anyone can say I'm disruptive when I have never missed or been late for my 40% of the time in two and a half years and she does things like this. I look forward to sharing this information with the courts.

Advise, thoughts etc much appreciated

hi,

if these are serious concerns for you, then you can try have them put into the court order. my ex is a clown and she had stuff put in recital section like; when kids are with me, i am not allowed to leave them with my mother.

what i found with cafcass is, once they printed off their report with recommendations, they are unwilling to change it. e.g. in my case, report did not make any mention of mid-week overnights. when i asked her about it, she said she did not recommend it and stands by it. if you disagree with any thing in cafcass report, challenge it in court and not with the report author.

check out https://www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/blog/2019/07/17/the-difference-between-a-recital-and-an-order/

Hi again

Good news. I had been hearing up for a final hearing on this, but have just heard that my ex is dropping the case and not proceeding. Obviously this is great news.

Two quick questions:
- I've already paid for a barrister, and can only.get a partial refund. Given my ex has pulled out of the court proceedings is there any way she can be responsible for my costs given she is admitting this was not a worthwhile case?
- I believe there is some kind of order that can be put in place that means she would have to apply tot he court to be allowed to start any future proceedings. What is this called, and would this circumstance allow me to apply for it?

Thanks all. Very relieved here

hi,

its good she dropped the case. but are you still getting to see your kids as before? is she going to start messing you and kids around?

with costs, i remember when my barrister did my position statements etc, right at the the top he wrote: there is no costs order. think he did this to protect me, incase ex tries to shove her costs on me and get me to pay.

you can look into costs order thing. i read that its very rare for judges to order costs to be paid. take a look:

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/seeking-costs-in-court/

Hi

Yes I will still get to continue to have my kids 5 nights a fortnight and half the holidays. Whether she continues to mess me around who knows! Hence the question about whether I can get the thing (forget the name) put in place to mean any future applications have to go through the court first for approval before dragging me in...

Forget what that's called or whether it's likely to be granted

hmm,

well before applying to court first, you have to attempt mediation. also what you could have done in last court hearing, was ask if court can shedule a review hearing in say 12 months time, to see if arrangements are still working. that way you dont have to fork out another £215 to apply to court again.

there have been some cases where judges got sick of seeing the same parents in court all the time lol. so they ordered that both parents can not return to court for the next 5 years :p

Since you’ve paid for everything you want to make sure you walk out of court with an order in place . My ex told me all sorts about agreeing by consent etc and it never happened . If you’re going to walk away with an order you want it might be worthwhile wearing the costs .
I don’t think you can get an order preventing someone applying to court unless they’ve applied over and over again and their claims have been shown to be frivolous