Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
New to this forum, but thank you so much for having me. Looks like a invaluable resource.
A short bit of history. In early 2017 I separated. We briefly shared our two children (now 4 and 5) 50:50, before my ex took the children unilaterally and dictated when I could see them. I started legal proceedings to attempt to return to 50:50. There were no CAFCASS issues from either side (other than general bickering, but they dismissed themselves from the case). We went through the first directions hearing, then to court, in which I lost... badly. They offered me even less contact than my ex was offering me. I appealed, and at the next court hearing we settled on a CAO, which has been operational for 2 years now. This has seen me have the children for 5 nights a fortnight, and half all school holidays. It works out as about 40% of the nights of the year. My ex registered the children at a school far from my work. I have spent the last two years living as close to them as possible (20 min away), and having a nightmare commute to work. I work part-time (4 days/wk) to make sure when I have the children I actually see them. I think it has been wonderful quality time and the children are very happy. I wish I could have them truly equally.
Last week, I was taken entirely by surprise by a court summons appearing to reopen the Child arrangements. There had been no pre warning, no issues raise by my ex, nothing. I'm a little in the dark as to the reasons why, but the one paragraph in the court document that explains why says it is to do with my youngest starting school in september and therefore she believes the children should be under her roof mon-fri each week. This reduces me to 2 nights a fortnight and half the holidays.
I'm frankly baffled by this as:
- my eldest has been attending school under the current arrangement just fine. He is thriving.
- I have never missed a pick up, drop off (from mother or school) under the current arrangement
- while I get I don't live next to the school (I'm 16 miles away), I am on a fast route and therefore can get there in 20 minutes
- there were no conditions in the last CAO. It's not like it said "this will change when youngest starts school" or "you must live within X minutes of school". I am still in the same house I was in during the last court case, my ex in the same place, the children in the same school, to my mind nothing has changed
Further, the children have done this for 2 years, this is their norm, they are happy. It breaks my heart to think that while my youngest starts school (a big change) his time with his Dad drops by 50% (another big change).
I have already planned with my work that I can work flexibly when youngest starts school, allowing me to work close to the school in a remote location. I will easily be able to achieve pick ups and drops off (I've done it for the last year for the eldest!).
I suspect this is all really motivated by money. My ex has been disappointed with how the financial settlement is going as because I have the kids 40% of the time there is a need to make sure we can BOTH put a roof over their heads, and so she is likely to receive less than she hoped. I note she has stopped responding on that, and done this instead.
HELP NEEDED:
I have only just finished paying off my debts from the 2017 court cases. I can't do it again, I don't believe or trust the system. I intend to represent myself, at least this way I get heard.
I could do with some advice and support though:
- Does anyone know whether the above counts as suitable grounds to reopen a CAO? It strikes me nothing has changed, there are no parenting issues, I think it's just opportunism? Is there a chance the court could just say this is silly and throw it out? If so would they make that decision at a first directions hearing or at the full court date?
- While I have been to a first directions hearing before, my head was all over the place in 2017 and I've blocked most of it out. Do I need to prepare anything for it? A pack? A statement? is there anything I should be preparing or asking her solicitor for?
- Any other advice for a first time self representor?
Thanks in advance. Sorry for the long post; I feel so stressed.
Anyone at anytime unless prohibited by court order to do so…can apply to vary the contact order. This could range from request to reducing contact to increasing contact or ceasing contact etc..
From what you’ve said regarding the financial settlement I’d be inclined to think like you, that it is financially motivated. She’s most likely been speaking with someone who’s let her know about the best way to get more money out of you and that’s by reducing contact to less than 52nights per year per child.
After all, we all know that if you have the children for 52nights or more you can start reducing the amount of child maintenance you are legally obliged to pay her!
I’ve said it so many times before…the government need to remove the link between how much you see your kids and child maintenance…that is the biggest cause of contact disputes by miles!
For the hearing prepare a short statement regarding the contact schedule that has been in place and that how it has worked and will continue to work and as it has been in place for how ever long and worked that you see no reason for it to change and that you feel this is financially motivated to reduce your contact and pay more maintenance.
Sorry for the short reply…only had a couple of mins before I had to get back to work.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Appreciate your time and support so much.
Get a direct access barrister if you want / need represention . Mine cost me £500 for representing me at fdrha
Don’t waste time or money on solicitors filling in forms etc you can do yourself .
hi,
you have been through all this in the past. I think you should be confident enough to represent yourself. just type up a position statement. find your old one and modify it.
it sounds like a petty reason to re-open the order. hopefully it gets thrown out. wasting courts time 🙂
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.