Advice on shared custody court order, what would you do?

Hi,

is your ex reasonable? for example, if your child asks that she wants to spend an extra day or 2 with you, does mother allow it? It's just my opinion but I think you have a very good arrangement in place already. applying to court may create hostility between both of you. also there is no guarantee that courts will give 50/50. I often hear dads having to fight tooth and nail for 50/50, and some end up having 5 or 6 court hearings! Court can be unpredictable, and there is also a risk of your time with kids being reduced, if your ex convinces them well enough.

Thanks for your reply. She will let them stay extra nights, especially if it is convenient for her. But she is completely unreasonable in that she dictates everything about the children. We have had the current arrangement in place for over a year now, I don't see how the courts could reduce the time as that would make no sense, I don't think she would request it either as it is far too convenient for us to have them for her. I'm just fed up of her dictating everything like she owns the children, and claiming we don't pay her enough money. If she can't afford to look after them for those 2 extra days a month as she claims on the money she gets, then surely they would be better off financially with us as then she won't have that financial burden of looking after them for those extra two days?

@t11  yes it does seem bizarre if a court reduces parenting time, but it does happen. I have seen cases from this forum, where a dad went back to court, arguing to have an extra 1 or 2 nights. his ex convinced the court that current arrangement is disrupting child's routine, so he came out of court with less time. also if it's a child maintenance-related dispute then that's something they frown upon.

Tricky one this.  If you apply to the court for shared custody you'll need to try mediation first.  Cost is about £100.  Perhaps try that first and see if she'll agree.  If she won't then the mediator will sign a form explaining that you've tried.  On the plus side, the courts are making more shared custody orders and your girls are old enough for their views to be taken into account.  For example, if they decided to move in with you, she would find it hard to make them go back. Its not right for 14 year old to be left alone overnight and I think you should express your concerns to social services.  They will talk to the children when they investigate.  You can also speak to the school and find out how the children are doing and if there are any issues coming to light with their demeanour.  

Beware using a McKenzie friend in place of a solicitor as some are not qualified in any way.  There is guidance on how to do this yourself on the advicenow.org.uk website.  If you make an application on a C100 form, then CAFCASS will most likely do a report and the girls wishes will be taken into account

i know a freind who had good access then after a later s7 from his original one cafcass tried to give him less time. so it can happen.

like others have said lucky yr daughters are a bit older and can say their viewpoint, hopefully without any influence from mother. 50/50 is hard to get, i was advised not to go for this and go for 60/40 with shared residency, and thats what i got.

i think you need to be cautious, mainly as you already have got good access.  but if cafcass speak to your daughters and they say they want more time with you then i see no reason why you wont get it.  but you also need to have a good reason for 50/50 being in the interest of the children and not for yr own interest.