[Solved] Advice on getting child rights/access

Hi all,

Long one this and a bit of a right ramble so I apologize.

I'm quite a laid back person and don't do well under conflicts.

My partner and I went through a very rough patch when she was pregnant. We just no longer saw eye to eye on just everything, including how i am, my family getting us things for baby(or involved in any way). She was very angry all the time and even pushed her own friends away through this time I know this in part could have been down to hormones but it was awful. We didn't live together so there were many points where she would get angry at me, we'd have long ranting back and forth with me just trying to get us to some kind of middle ground and then she would just stop talking or communicating at all for long periods.

It got to the stage where our relationship was really suffering from this I told her this had to stop and we needed to take the focus off our relationship as it was getting too close to the birth date and focus on our little boy, she took this to mean I was leaving/abandoning her which i assured her multiple times was not the case, and that I was with her and our little one, we just had to take a step back and rebuild while focusing on the baby coming. I really couldn't handle any more arguments.

However conflicts went on, from her annoyed at me "leading her on" by still making an effort taking her to appointments but holding back still with relationship things to minor misunderstandings. This went on and off right until the birth of our little boy. At the time of her labor, she was not communicating with me at all. I sent her messages every day asking if she was ok and if baby was ok and any news but got no responses at all. I was informed my son had been born days after the event by a friend.

I contacted her dad as a middle ground mediator, he gave me details about the birth and that baby was healthy. He tried to speak with my partner but was apparently shouted at for talking to me so advised he couldn't do anything. I plucked up the courage on Xmas eve not long after to take up a present for the little boy, just hoping things wouldn't kick off. She was asleep, but her father answered and took the gift saying he would pass it to her.

She went through a tough birth and with how bad things got every time between us I was hesitant to go over. I didn't want to put stress on her or the baby. I applied for mediation as a route to avoid any conflict and see if we could try and talk things out. She received 2 letters and ignored them. I still cared for the girl, I really didn't want to cause her any more unneeded stress. I couldn't face fighting in court just then. But i was getting no responses and it was clear she did not want me near so I backed off to give her some time come around which was really tough but felt the best thing to do. So many friends told me to run up and barge in to see my child but I'm not aggressive and that is not on in my opinion, I cared about her and the child's well-being and I wasn't going to rile up what seemed a hostile situation.

A few months down the line I bump into her in town. We have it out a little and then we just get talking, how little boy is, whats he like, whats happened with us both. I then lay down the question "Where do we go from here?" We agree to open up lines of communication again and try to meet up and talk.

We did meet up once and I got to spend time with the little boy, It was really great and myself and her conversed just fine. On the back of this I set up a direct debit with agreed child payments(Back-paid from his birth which i had saved). Every attempt to arrange another meetup descended back into the same rants with me just pleading to be part of the lads life. Then me holding back and trying not to antagonist further then trying again when things cool down.

He's just over a year old now....I went around and took him some clothes and things for his birthday. I asked on leaving when i could see him again and she made out that I hadn't taken any chance to see him. Maybe I should've been a bit more persistent and pushed more, but just with how I am and reading the situation that did not look like a good move and i feel that would give her grounds on me for harassment which is the last thing i want.

I went up again at Xmas with a present again for him. This time she looked outside, saw me, and didn't even answer. I left the gift on the doorstep. She text me saying she wanted to come to mine to see me, this gave me some hope...which was quickly diminished when she said that it was to give the gift back.

So now thats where I am at now. We just cant work things out between us and she refuses mediation. I've seen my son give or take 5 times in the whole first year of his life. I've missed so much of our little boys life and I so much want to be involved and see him more and watch and help him grow.

I really dread the idea of court but i feel that's my only shot left. I hate the idea of even putting her and I through that. I cant see me as coming off well from any statement she will put on me(as "the abandoning father" which is not the case at all)

I'm just looking really for pearls of wisdom from others that have been in a similar situation and any advice,

Cheers all