[Solved] Advice on a few life changing matters

Hi horizon,

Hopefully we can be of help 🙂

Your situation is a fairly common one. My daughter has moved 3 times in 3 years (soon to be 4 in 4)... and you are definately correct on this.

This could be quite a challenge, however i would strongly recommend that you broach the subject with your ex firstly. Highlight that you are not pleased about the situation and that you "are not in agreement to the move" and that "you don't want the move to happen". Her response could obviously go either way. However... you need to be prepared to know that in the event of her still wishing to continue with the move that you make her aware that if the move is going to happen, you will for the sake of your son be filing an application for residence.

Now you have a very strong case here to argue. Firstly you have evidence that the move will affect your son in terms of his education and also the effect of the move will almost certainly affect his Education.

Can i just ask:
What is your current situation?
Do you pay maintenance?
When is this move being planned to go ahead?
What if any conversations have you had thus far with your ex regarding the move and her opinions of/on it?

[hide]Thanks for your help..

What is your current situation? Just the same as above. I am on the birth certificate
Do you pay maintenance? Yes we have agreed this and i have kept documentation to prove it. I pay money plus buy all his clothes
When is this move being planned to go ahead?in the Summer
What if any conversations have you had thus far with your ex regarding the move and her opinions of/on it? The only option i have been giving from is that i move closer to them if i want to keep my involvment with my son. She said i keep my current job and live with my mum during the week and rent a home down there on weekends to see my son. This is impossible for me due to paying money out to 2 places and travel. The other option was for me to get a hotel to look after my son on visiting him on weekends 😀 . And the last option was to give up my job and give the place where me and my son grew up, also give up my stable job and move down there close to them.
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I've said where does this meet halfway and where is my choice for a say about where my son can live. All I get is well thats whats happening. She also said she is the sole carer for my son because she is his mum, but if you look above at how much i have contact with him it obviously isnt true. All i want is to have a stable place where my son can grow up with friends he currently has and to continue his school that he is really excelling in [/hide]

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as a matter of interest, what percentage of your takehome pay do you pay in maintenance?[/hide]

[hide]not sure what the percentage is but i done it this way http://www.csacalculator.dsdni.gov.uk/calc.asp [/hide]

Dont let the mum demand more than shes owed,do it this way and show her if you have to

hi

It actually looks as though you are paying more than you need to - the maintenance you pay should cover his clothes. much as I think what you have been paying so far is the right thing to do, your ex isn't playing fair, so you have to consider that you are going to be paying more should you have to travel to see your son. As far as I am aware (it may have changed, so check this), the CSA expect you to pay the first £15 per week of reasonable travel expenses, and beyond this, you can deduct the remainder (I think this may include hotel stay) from your takehome pay for the CSA calculation. It may be worth calculating how much your travel would be, and work out how much effect this would have on your maintenance payments, and point out to your ex that you would have little choice other than to reduce your payments, and stop buying clothes so you can afford the travel should you have to do so to see your son.

See below

[hide] Well I don't think she has thought about it to that extent. The information on travel iwould gather it would cost around £20 in petrol each way, and so that would be 60 a week times 4 = 240 a month which is more than she gets maintenance......
And for the hotel idea, but there's no chance on this earth I'm staying in a hotel with my son just to please her... I have got an appointment with a family solicitor in a few weeks cause I don't know what else to do. [/hide]

I'm not sure what expenses can be claimed with regard to using a car, but I would think it would be more than just petrol - however, the expenses are taken off your takehome pay used for calculation of the maintenance, not directly off the maintenance, and you do have to pay the first £15 each week. Nonetheless, it might be worth, as an aside, pointing out the financial loss, but don't make to big a deal of it, it should be just one of the factors she has to consider.

This is what I'm trying to get together so I can present to her and say, well if you are going to do what you say have you considered these things and present her with them. so hopefully my solicitor can help a bit on the effects this would have on my son..

[hide]Hi Horizon,

If i were you given the information that you have said, after discussing the matter possibly a little more. It may be worthwhile showing your hand to your ex and saying that if you are going to move, i will be prepared to file a Residence Application.

Some other things to consider before making such an application are as follows:
- Where are the majority of your Sons immediate (Grandparents) located
- Has your Son changed schools in the past

She is effectively using her position as custodian and abusing this... also as your are getting a solicitor they will be able to take some stress from you. If it is that you may wish to file for Court based representation, this is where your cost (as actd can attest to) will skyrocket.
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keep us posted and ask any questions if you need more help.