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[Solved] Advice needed reference taking my son away in UK

 
(@Hutch891)
New Member Registered

Hello all and thanks in advance for reading this thread (probably already covered or in the wrong place).

I am a recently seperated father of a 2 year old son. I am in the British army posted to tidworth and see my son every alternative weekend. Due to the nature of the job I receive 'Block leave'. It was my intention to take my son from Salisbury (ex spouse's residence) to Carlisle for the Easter weekend. This was agreed by the ex and i gave her at least 6 weeks notice of my plans. When seperating there was a verbal agreement with my ex that over block leave periods I would have my son for upto half of the duration. In this case it was going to be 17th April to 22nd April.

My son recently had a throat infection and had to spend 24hrs in hospital for observation. I had him for the preceding 2 days upto his admission and my ex is blaming me for not taking him to a doctor. He was showing clear signs of teething (chomping on his hand occasionally and dribbling periodically) and when I gave him calpol his temperature came down, he was still eating and drinking plenty, so all appeared normal. I returned my son to the ex on the sunday at 13:00 and she agreed that it was teething etc. The following day he had a sky high temperature so she took him to the GP who admitted him swiftly to hospital. All being said he was given anti-biotics and recovered well.

However since this occasion she has blamed me for not looking after him correctly and that she can't be seperated from him for an extended duration whilst he is this young. To the extent where she is now saying I can not take him upto Carlisle, indefinitely, and that if my family want to see him then they will have to travel down to Salisbury. This is ridiculous as I have a huge support network up north and non down here. My sister is a fully qualified and employed nursery manager, my parents are retired and there is a fantastic GP's/Hospital in the area if the worst was to happen.

There was no domestic violence/drug or alcohol abuse during the 5year marriage and nor is there any within my family.

Now that I have hopefully explained the situation my questions are as follows;

Does my ex have the right to restrict my movements, within the UK, with my son?

What are my rights to see my son?

Do I have Parental Responsibility? My name is on the Birth Certificate and I was as much his carer as she was when we were together.

Apologies for the monster post. I hope somebody can give me some sound advice on this situation.

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Topic starter Posted : 03/04/2014 4:36 pm
(@Nannyjane)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi Hutch and welcome

Firstly I just want to say I have the utmost respect and pride for our armed forces, you guys do a fantastic job!

As far as your questions are concerned

Unfortunately she can call the shots as the resident parent and with no defined contact order from the courts in place.

You do have Parental Responsibility as you are named on his birth certificate but this doesn't give you contact rights, it only covers things like being kept informed of progress and being included in decisions about education,medical issues and religion.

It might be a good idea to write to her and ask her to reconsider. To allay her fears point out as you have here that his paternal family are totally competent to assist you whilst he is there. That you did everything that she would have done when he got poorly and that calpol was effective so you weren't to know that his condition would worsen after you returned him to her care. Be nice and tell her what a good mum she is and that you understand her reaction, a little bit of flattery can work wonders! Reassurance is the key here....remind her that he will benefit greatly from his visits to his extended family and suggests she speaks to you sister by phone so that she can be assured that he will get the utmost care whilst he is with you.

If this doesn't work then you have two options, the first is mediation which is the accepted first step to resolve issues such as yours, it's always best to avoid court if at all possible. Here's a link to the mediation website

www.nfm.org.uk

Of course with the distance between you and your ex this might prove difficult as its always best to attend a mediation service close to the resident parent.

Best of luck with this....it's always better to try and resolve things like this informally even if you have to do a little bit of subtle grovelling to get things back on track, it's far more preferable than the alternatives.

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Posted : 03/04/2014 7:43 pm
Hutch891 and Hutch891 reacted
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