[Solved] Advice needed ref telling ex of new child..

Hi there and welcome back. Was it really two years ago....how time flies!

Congratulations on your expected baby news, and great that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as court and finalising it is concerned.

It's a problem when life moves on and what should be a completely happy time is coloured by the past. I'm assuming that you think news of the baby will upset the apple cart?

If the pregnancy is early then you have a few months to think about how you want to break the news, if possible it would be a good idea to wait until the court case is concluded and you have that order firmly in place.

If that's not possible then perhaps you could break the news at the final hearing, it shouldn't make any. Difference to any arrangements that are in place or a final order and she's unlikely to react as badly if it's in the public domain.

You might like to think about writing to her and reassuring her that nothing will change as far as your relationship with your son. Her nose is likely to be out of joint but there's little she can do really, except make things uncomfortable for you for a while.

Best of luck

Welcome back.
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It sounds as though you have managed to move on so far from where you were when you joined.
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I agree with Mojo, I would probably bring this up at the final hearing, have it all sorted in one go and then you aren't worrying about the effect of telling her and how that will effect the the way she treats the order that is written in the final hearing, I'm guessing you are worried that your ex will try and cause trouble when you tell her so if you tell her in the court room, then it's all on record at the court and if she decides to break the order becuase of this the judge wouldn't be too happy and should react accordingly if you have too return.
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GTTS

Hi,

What an inspiration you are! Your son is lucky to have you in his life 🙂

Me personally I would always tell your child first that they are going to be a big brother (or sister if child is female) and then if cordial tell the other parent when dropping off.

Forgive me for being a pessimist on the issue but my partner and I have had no end of issues from my ex when finding out pregnancy - even to the point of her accessing my partners and sons medical records.

I always advise any parent (Dad) to be very careful breaking the news to an ex. I've helped Dads who have had a brilliant relationship with ex wives/partners and they have a good/civil relationship with their new partners but finding out about a new baby and it does upset the apple cart.

Its not likely, but it is a possibility. Because I will be biased I would also say take my advice here at least with a pinch of salt. This sort of thing is something I do feel very strongly is your news to share with your child not to risk Mum telling your son the news which is yours to be enjoyed in.

Good luck.

Thanks folks. This site is my go to place when I start to feel [censored]. In Scotland, the school holidays end in a few weeks. The wee man goes away in a few days and I've had a bad few hours, crying uncontrollably in my mums bathroom, the looming pain of departure and drive home lurking yet again. The spectre of fortnightly weekends back on the horizon, unlike the extended breaks recently enjoyed.

Back on topic, my ex has thus far refused my askings ref contact and the final part on which a decision has to be made is the location of the contact which fluctuates between my home and being imprisoned in her location in a hotel for 1 of the fortnightly seeing him.

It is likely that a court will need to make a defining permanent decision in regards to this point and I'm hoping that a relationship with a new brother or sister will help.

Keeping it quiet means court is inevitable but referencing it to her lawyer in the vain hope he tells her she is up against it and her miraculously agreeing could mean court is spared and this nightmare at least in part is finally over and I can get on with my life.

Thank you for your kindness.

Ps, during typing of this, my son was calling me from his sandwich stall and delivered me a hot dog and egg sandwich, repulsive. For those of you struggling hang in, two years ago that sandwich in my head would never arrive.
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Aw BD...it's such a wrench having to give them back but you've come so far and you have much to look forward to.

I do hope she sees sense and her solicitor can convince her to reach agreement on the sticking point. Your son has a right to a relationship with his little brother or sister and hopefully by the time the little bundle arrives it will be sorted.

Hotdog and egg sandwich doesn't sound so bad! As you say two years ago you couldn't imagine you'd be where you are today....hang on in there.