[Solved] Advice needed re: Child Arrangements Order

Hi,

You sound like you're in my partners situation (2 years ago).

In regards to position statement and from my partners experience he has always got a letter from the court directing when the statement should be submitted etc. The advise I would give here is put your current position i.e mother currently refusing all forms of contact (don't really need to go into reasons just keep child focused). Mention what contact you used to have before contact was refused, I would definitely mentioned she has previously stayed 2 nights on 12 different occasions. Then state clearly what you hope to achieve from the hearing i.e
1. Friday to Sunday contact with overnight stays and put a reason why that would be in your child's best interests
2. Continue with what you would like in place and a brief reason why what you are suggesting is best for your child

The cafcass will most likely do a telephone interview with you, again keep this child focused and what you would like to be put in place. Theyve always asked my partner more qs like the background story i.e how you met, how long you have been together, how and when it has broken down then go on to ask about child safety concerns and then main issues of conflict and what you would like to be put in place to reduce the conflict and what the best way of contact going forward.
They might ask if you have been on spip course etc. It's straight forward but just keep child focused.

In regards to brushing hair etc when my partner was in court and his ex wrote in her statement and said in the hearing about dirty clothes unbrushed hair etc the judge didn't even touch on this. I don't know if they will mention it but In my partners experience they've never expanded on these (petty) points. They are more interested in moving forward and how to get your child to have both parents in their life as long as it's safe.

I don't think you will get an interim order prior to the court date but this should be mentioned on the position statement. In my partners experience his ex stopped contact from beginning of May and he didn't get a court date till August/September. At that point the judges thought due to the childs age (2 and half at that time) that it was best to Reestablish contact on a step by step basis so he only got 2 hours at a play centre with mother present (as she didn't trust him not to abduct the child). That was put in place as an interim contact until the next hearing. After the hearing he got 4 hours on his own, then next weekend 6 hours then 8 hours then overnight. I know you haven't gone for such a long time without contact but they may think this is best, so just be patient, they will take into consideration she has stayed at yours previously but also that she has not had any contact with you for over a month.

In regards to nursery etc as you have parental responsibility you should be put on all educational establishments and they should provide you info. Again my partner had this problem and he raised it on his statement said he would like to exercise parental responsibility, said he would like to be informed by the nursery etc. The judges straight away said due to parental responsibility my partner needs to be put on all educational establishments and they should speak to him directly and not through the mother (as mother requested). This was solely for updates on development etc.

You can also ask for indirect contact once a week to keep in touch with the child and do a video call etc. However can't guarantee you will get this. My partner is still fighting for this but looking hopeful for him now.

In regards to communication, my partners ex said about him being aggressive and threatening on the phone etc my partner denied and asked for a contact book to be in place so they can communicate child's well being without having to talk to each other (I think this is quite sad but it's definitely needed in my partners case).

I'm not sure if they will look at timings of travel for overnight stay, maybe sugges to meet in the middle?

As for the rest of allegations, from partners expiernce as they have been all unfounded by all i.e police, social services etc the courts have dismissed the raised allegations which have been unfounded. However as he's continued (2 years on with the order) his ex keeps bringing up false allegations and they have now done s7 report which has come out positive even with things such as mother alleged child abuse but there is no evidence that this event ever took place due to child speaking very positively about father and not mimicking violent actions. Let's hope you don't get that far into it!

As for the log, they probably won't be interested in seeing it but I've always kept a log for my partner just in case! You never know where its going to go and having a log will do no harm (in my opinion)

You just need to stay child focused, express how you want to be a part of your childs life, why that would be best for the child and you should be fine. Of course your ex is going to try say as much as she can to refuse contact etc but you don't need to focus on the mother and what she's doing just how that could negatively impact your child and why you would like the order In place. Remember be patient the first outcome may not be what you want but it's the bigger picture. as I said my partner got 2 hours with mother supervising and now he has half of school holidays, every other weekend with overnight etc!

Good luck

Hi there

I've been scanning this forum for a while to help with advice with my ongoing saga. Sorry if I get a bit of it off my chest first:

In March this year I ended a long term relationship with the mother of my daughter who was and remains a coercive, possessive and controlling bully, who has had mental health issues since she was a teenager, and has been on and off anti-depressants for much of her adult life. I'm not going to go over the detail but I didnt love her anymore, wanted a fresh start from being dragged into her and her (rather intrusive) family's various soap opera episodes and had simply had enough, and felt that being a single dad simply couldn't be any worse than having to deal with the same torture from her every day. Now I am not perfect and I recognise that; I said some horrible things in the heat of the moment, things which I regret saying but she gave as good as she got (and the rest!).

All things considered, I love my daughter (2 and a half) to the end of the earth and desperately want to be in her life. The time we have spent together is special and I plan everything around her, as it should be. We were building a strong bond before this all kicked off, and we were getting into a routine. I have parental responsibility.

Although I tried to do things amicably to begin with, I'm taking her mother to family court because I got fed up of the withdrawal of access/staying over contact on multiple occasions and at short notice. Her mother was trying to control access and everything we did together, including who we saw (she didnt like my family etc) when my daughter was with me, and would phone me out of the blue and be argumentative, make allegations that I'd neglected my daughter (not combing her hair before handover, feeding her rubbish, leaving her in soiled nappies, having a wet nappy when I handed her back etc etc ad nauseum) and the final cherry on the cake was that she wouldnt allow me to see her at all because she thought I'd abduct her. Awful stuff. I tried to go down the mediation route and went to a MIAM but she refused to attend one herself, so I got sign off from the mediator.

I was only made aware of her case against me in a rather nasty letter which was a hand-written, laughable work of fiction, and a threatening (rather slanderous) letter from her solicitors which also referred to some quite frankly laughable concerns over my mental health (all complete nonsense).

I was just wondering if anyone could help.

1. My first court hearing is on 20th September. My daughter's mother has returned the form opposing my application for every other weekend plus a couple of hours in the week on one weeknight. When do I have to submit the position statement, or let the court know I'd like interim contact til this has been resolved (I havent seen my daughter since 4th August)? My daughter has already stayed over my house for 2 nights on 12 separate weekends since March 2018; she has her own bedroom.

>>>>> The level of contact you've asked for is generally accepted by courts as the basic standard, so in my opinion it's a reasonable request. However if the travelling time is around 2hrs, the midweek contact might not work, until your able to drive, which would cut the travelling time down.

It's always best to state on the application form that you're seeking an interim order for contact to resume straight away, you can ask for it to be considered and mention that she has her own room and has already stayed for weekends multiple times, without any problem.

As far as the position statement is concerned, you can prepare a brief two pager to take with you to the hearing, to include a little background and what you would like the court to do. Have copies with you, to give to your ex, CAFCASS and a copy for yourself, give the original to the clerk on arrival at the court and ask for it to be given to the judge/adviser. <<<<>>>>There's no point trying to second guess what evidence she would need or what the outcome might be, just concentrate on your own case and dealing with things as they arise, rather than wasting time and energy on what ifs. The court will take all allegations seriously and proceed cautiously until they can determine that a child is safe, it's not personal, the child's safety is the courts only concern. Generally where allegations are made, they will ask for a more indepth report, called a section 7, whilst that is being prepared, the court may agree to contact taking place, under supervision, at a contact centre, or through a trusted third party. <<<<>>>> CAFCASS will be preparing a brief safeguarding report called a schedule 2 letter (S2) they will contact police and local authorities as part of that. The fact that she reported you to Social Services and their subsequent check will be highlighted, as will any past involvement with police etc. Interviews are conducted over the telephone, if they've talked to her first, they will ask you about any allegations she has made, just stay calm and reasonable and be open with them. It's never wise to bad mouth the mother, but of course you can voice your concerns... keep everything child focused and explain how close your daughter is to you. <<<<>>>> To be honest it would have been better to accept their offer of a contact centre, it's not about setting a precendent, but giving your child some continuity of contact with you. Contact limitations are better than no contact at all. In court you can make the point that although you don't agree that your contact needs to be supervised, you accepted their offer because it was in your child's best interests to do so, to have contact with you, as she will be missing you. If you can, I would consider asking if the offer is still on the table and take it. Look at it this way, if supervised contact has been happening, at the next hearing, the court may be happy to progress it to the next step and move it away from supervised contact, courts move slowly and this is one way of getting it to move more quickly. <<<>>>> There's nothing you can do, apart from go through her solicitor, contacting her when she has said not to opens you up to possible harassment allegations, it's pretty easy for her to get an injunction on thise grounds, and it would make your contact case more difficult.<<<<>>>> As she has made allegations about you mental health, it's probably a good idea to preempt possible lines of questioning about this, it will save time if you have your medical history to hand. I wouldn't place too much emphasis on gathering ammunition to use against the mother, if she is on the whole a good mother, say so. Try and separate your natural feelings of animosity towards her, with your relationship with your child. Relationships break down, when they do there's a lot of strain between the two parties, but there shouldn't be fall out that effects the child more than it has to.<<<<>>>> Its a good idea to keep a log of events and any evidence that you have to show that you're used to caring for your daughter and that your ex was happy for this to happen, can be useful. You want to build a picture of a close bond between you and your daughter, that youand the ex are capable of comparenting and that you would like for differences to be put aside in the future in the best interests of your child.

At some point in the proceedings, you may be asked to provide a statement, you can then go into more detail and attach any evidence you have tofurther your case.<<<<>>> I would write to the manager and inform them that you have parental responsibility and would like to be kept informed and updated regularly on your child's progress. They may ask you to provide a birth certificate to prove you have PR<<<<>>>> You will be able to use the services of a direct access barrister at any point in the proceedings, many who can't afford to use a solicitor throughout, will often use a barrister for the final hearing. At the hearing CAFCASS/court adviser will try and get you both to agree a way forward, hopefully you will find some common ground to work with, however don't feel pressured to agree to anything that you're not happy with<<<<>>>> Its likely to be a consideration. To be honest, 2hrs is workable, except midweek, when a combined travelling time of 4hours for a two hour visit, might be seen as too much for a two year old. You could suggest staying in the child's location for the midweek visit.<<<<<

Sorry that was such a long ramble. Anything would be greatly appreciated. I just want to get this resolved and to play an active role in my daughter's life again!

Thanks so much.