[Solved] advice needed please

Hi there

I'm sorry I've taken a little time to reply to you. Do you have a solicitor?

I think you will find that the court will ask for reports from CAFCASS, Social Services, as she has a history with them, and the police perhaps. She may have made these allegations about you, but dont forget she also has a history of bad parenting, otherwise her two other children wouldnt be on care orders.

You can ask for interim contact until the next hearing, but because of the accusations of violence and the non molestation order its likey the judge will order it to be supervised at a contact centre. Its also likely that the judge will order a hair follicle test for drugs. In these situations,its always best to be honest about your previous drug use...and as you say, its stopped 5/6 months ago. The test will probably only go back that far anyway. I cant see this being an issue.

Between now and the court date, I would resist trying to make contact with her personally, if you have a solicitor, you could ask them to write to her to request contact with your son, but I wouldn't advise direct contact as she may use it against you.

Try not to tie yourself up in knots, I know its hard but you must be strong for your son. The courts dont want to keep a child away from either parent and will always want to have both parents involved in a childs life. If you do have to have supervised contact initially, it wont be forever, once you have proved yourself to be reliable and they can see you have a good relationship with your son, it will be moved to unsupervised.

Best of luck with it all and try and stay calm and focussed 🙂

hi

thanks for the reply, yes i have instructed a solicitor a couple of days after i got served with the papers for the orders.....

It was something that happend in one of her past relationships, which lead to the boys being put onto care order, and her having to be supervised with the children, albeit, that she did prove that she was/is a good parent, and only this year, while with myself the boys were removed off the care order and put onto an early intervention team which only lasted a short time,, i can remember that we as a couple did take some cocaine but not on a regular basis but cant remember when that was, but just before we split..... i will inform my solicitor on the details, i just want it to get into a slanging match, as my son is the most important person in this, when i meet to draft up a statement in response to allegations......

i have instructed my solicitor to contact her solicitor to ask her propsals for contact over xmas period and to say that i would like contact sooner rather than later..... but it seems she hasnt responsed to the letter.....

My friend is still her friend and has stated that to her that is would be alot easier to sort out an agreement for me to see our son, but she states that she cannot do anything as its out of her hands.....

thanks

darren

Hi there and welcome to the forum

This is one of those situations where your mistakes of the past are going to bite you, I would suggest that you try not to turn this into a nasty affair as your ex will look to destroy you and your reputation especially as you have a history of violence and she will argue that the child is not safe with you.

Therefore you will need to prove that you are not a threat so I would accept any kind of contact.

Is the relationship definitely over? You said she came back earlier in the year - is there any chance that she could now? If not then you need to plan how you can manage the estranged partnership without giving her an excuse to report you.

This is going to be tough but you need to consider every option available if you want to have that relationship with your child, if that means counselling, anger management then do it for the sake of your kid!!

I am not the bearer of good news and this will be tough but ask yourself "do you want that relationship?" If the answer is yes then do what it takes

Good luck and stay in touch

i understand that my mistakes are going to come back to bite me, maybe hard.... there only seems to be a history or violence with this person (my ex) as i was in a past relatiosnhip and we didnt have a problem..... i would sooner not have nasty affair as i would sooner just try to get along as amicable as possible for the sake of our son (but with the non molestion order in palce there is nothing i cant do)... i think my ex has already said/indicated that she feels that the child wouldnt be safe with me (even thou deep down she know am a fansatic. father)

I am willing to do as much as possible to prove that i am not threat to my son and am willing to accept any contact at this stage as i just want to spen some quailty time with him.

Yes i feel that the relationship is over for good this time as she has never gone as far as to get any order palced on me before.... but i could understand that emotions were running high at the time (and family could have infulence her decisions),, am not sure that she would want to have i cannot get in contact with her, and my friends havent indicated anything.

i would like like to get along with her now and just sort out contact for my son.

if the court would like to send me on any courses to attend or recommends that i take courses then that is what i would do.

Of course i would like the relationship to devlop with my son he is the beat in my heat and what i live for

thanks

Not been on for a while, so i thought i would give a little insight....

I have learned that my ex partner had a new bf (which is an ex partner of hers) from approx 2 weeks after she had left, as we was engaged to be married for the past 2 n half years, she is now newly engaged which happend approx first week in Jan.. (this is with an ex partner of hers)

i attend the court in dec 2012, and my ex was not willing for me to give an undertaking, and at the time the only thing that i wanted was to have contact with my son.. So the non molestation order is currently in place and will end sometime towards the back end of this year.

The hearing at court was kinda short but straight to the point.

Non molestation order in place
drugs testing to be taken place
Cafcass reports to be taken and submitted
Police records to be released
My GP records to be released

In the intermin while this are going on, court had agreed that supervised contact can take place (as this is all my ex was offering) at my brothers g/f house (i offered to be supervised by anyone anytime to ensure my son seen me) all my offers were declined but my ex came up with my brothers g/f house so this is why it ended up there, as long as we could agree on times and days.

After having talks with my sister in law, it came about that it would suit her better if it was 2 x per week for approx 2 hours, which all parties agreed (i did want longer, but at this stage i just grabbed what i could as i missed him so much)

first contact went great, boxing day - seen my son for 2 hours 🙂 well chuffed, but was kinda hard.

then came the second contact which was on the saturday - orginal times was change due to my ex had only just got up 10 mins before the contact time - so this time was changed but i still got to see my son later that day.

the next contact was through the week but was cancelled - as apparently everyone was to rough to do anything on that day (even family member was not offering to bring my son) - this happend to be new years day, my sister in law came to agreement with ex that contact could take place the next day, this was agreed at approx 10.00pm on new years dayand was advised that this time the times had to be longer due to it was messing my ex around, by the time she would drop our son off it would be time to pick him back up (she only lives approx 5 mins away from my sister in laws) and was agreed to 4 hours :-), which made mine and my sons days even better, but ex came half an hour early and demanded the baby back

days and times for contact by ex but was still agreeing to 2 x per week, and there was no reasons why - she just stated that this is how it is from now on... but my sons would not be coming on the next contact has they already had plans over the weekend and would only come on the weekday, no other option was available at normal times as agreed

day before contact on the weekday ex texted superviser to say times had to be changed, but superviser could do this as she had already made plans outside the hours wer she knew that she would be available., this was kinda short and sweet and ex said to superviser that she didnt have a car so my son wouldnt be coming (even thou i know she has a car, as she had been seen in it a the day before contact) either way there was still public transport available

as the contact did take place i contact my solicitor to explain the situation, and they contacted her sol, in the end my ex received a call or letter and i was notified by mutal friends that my ex was fuming as i lied to my sols regarding contact (but i have been writing everything down) and the superviser had been making up lies with me to my sol (superviser doesnt know who is repersenting me) so not sure where this had came from, to cut it a little short, superviser and ex kind off had a row argument of some sort, as the superviser had her problems at this times as didnt need to hassel from my ex, so ex informed her sol that the superviser would no longer be supervising due to issues at the supervisers house. ( i learned that there was issues at the supervisers and maybe it was for the best it did happen there)

missed out on about the next 3 weeks of contact with my son while we came up to an agreement on were the next place would be, and we settled on my mothers house, the last 3 times contacts has been consistant which is what my sons needs, and just need to carry on this way.

In my view........... all this is due to her new/old (ex) partner, as he had came down from scotland and it seemed early on in contact it was to suit them both to enable them to do things together...... i was suprised to even learn that my ex even had the cheeky to drop our son off accompained by him in his car.... and on one of the days when came and demanded the baby back, she had brough another full cars of big (rough looking) lads in another car while picked up our baby. i feel this was to try and intimate my of some sort. (all this was told to my sols when i rant them)

in all processes, drug testing have been completed just got to wait results, i ahve self refered myself on the tripple P programe as i want the best for my child whilst in my care, i have asked at court to have/consider a joint care arragement our over son but not sure if this will happen as there is a residency order being applied by my ex and am only due back in court in april...

thanks for readinf the updater, and if you wish to comment please do so..

Best of luck with the triple P programe, Your not alone in noticing a deteriation of the relationship when the new partner appears into the picture. Just keep everything doucmented sure it'll work out fine in the end.