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Hi everyone please can you advise as I am at my wits end and I don’t know what to do.
My ex and I have been seperated for over 8 years now. We have a daughter and a son together my daughter visits every other weekend however my son chooses not to. This has been something that has been going on and off since my son was about 4 (he is now 8) where he has been allowed to pick and choose when he comes at the weekends. I have raised my concerns repeatedly about this and the impact this will have as he gets older and was and my opinion continues to be ignored. This resulted for 3 years where he chose to come to my house when we were doing ‘fun things’ such as day trips and activities. For a whole year now he has refused to come to my house meaning the only time I see him is when I pick my daughter up.
Things seem amicable between their mum and myself as long as I am agreeing to the approaches she wants to take. As soon as I disagree with this which I will explain in a non confrontational manner all I receive is abuse from her about how I don’t contribute (I pay maintenance without fail every month) And how much of a terrible dad I am.
I have been to court twice and have court orders in place but I feel the process is flawed as even though I have these I have had to endure years of frustrated contact.
When the kids were little and they came to visit they would cry and not want to go back, I would still take them back and explain why they needed to spend time between both our houses. As soon as my son expressed this to his mum it became about how it is his choice and not force him to go somewhere where he is uncomfortable or with ‘strangers’ which is breaking my heart. I have hundreds of family pictures of my children, me, my wife and the daughter we share together and everyone shows how happy he is in them.
The reasons that have been used for my son not wanting to come is things like, we ask him to make his bed, use manners at the dinner table and tidy his room.
I feel that he has been given far too much choice from a young age which is resulting in behavioural problems as he is getting older.
My youngest daughter is heartbroken as she desperately wants to see her brother but he just doesn’t seem to care. This has resulted in her feeling that her brother doesn’t love her which is killing me.
His mum has offered to take our daughter round to play but she has a conviction for assaulting my wife so you can understand us not wanting our daughter around her.
All I want is to get my son engaged in this side of the family before it is too late but I don’t know how I can do this.
Mediation won’t work as their is no negotiation with their mum it’s her way or no way which I have followed and not got anywhere.
There is a court order in place but this is not followed (again mother doesn’t agree with what we agreed)
I can’t afford court again it’s cost thousands and I have nothing to show for it.
Their mum has even changed their surname using the ‘known as’ loophole which for me messes with their identity.
There’s loads more that has gone on but this post is already really long I can go into more detail if needed.
All I want is to get my son engaged with us again. Any advice on next steps would be really appreciated
Thanks in advance
hi,
when you pick up your daughter and you see your son, do you ever tell him to come as your daugher misses him? do you get to have phone calls with him? how old is your son?
When you say you can't afford court again - if this is for enforcement of the order, if she's in breach, then you can self-represent and the cost is £215 for the application - in a way, you don't really have much to lose by doing so.
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