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Hi all
I would like some advice in how best to proceed in my situation. My daughter has recently witnessed several incidents of domestic violence while with her mother and I'm not entirely sure with the how best to protect her from this happening again.
My daughter is 7, she spends roughly 40% of her time with me in my home, a mix of midweek and weekend overnights, and the rest with her mother and grandmother on Mum's side. We have had this informal arrangement in place for the last 4 years. There are no court orders in place. My daughter's school and mother's house is around 45 mins in the car from where I live. I have for many years been concerned about her while with her mother and the effect this is having on my daughter's development. I feel she drinks too much, there are rumours of class a drug taking from mutual friends, my daughter has witnessed mum having [censored] with several different partners, I've been lied to about daughter missing school to attend medical appointment when no such appointment existed, and my daughter has been conditioned by mum to never reveal anything about her poor parenting choices. In the past if I've raised concerns to mum contact has been stopped for months at a time, and without much proof it has been hard to be taken seriously. My daughter is a high achiever snd attends lots of activities outside of school and mum works and appears to live a responsible life. However, my daughter is riddled with guilt and very confused about whom she should trust, what she's allowed to talk about and even show affection to me and members of my family as she's picking up on her mothers negativity towards us.
Recently my daughter has witnessed scenes of domestic abuse between mum and new partner. From what I can ascertain both parties seem to be particularly volatile - there has been verbal and physical confrontation in front of my daughter culminating in her mother trying to pull the handbrake on of a moving car on the motorway. The partner then assaulted her to try to make her stop, mother then tried opening the car door. There have been other occasions where there has been physical abuse between mum and partner in my daughters presence which my daughter has spoken about. Mother herself contacted my wife and me over the weekend and told us she had been using a class a drug with her partner - things got heated and there had again been physical violence between them. She said she had asked him to move out and have the locks changed. I immediately contacted NCPCC who referred it to social services and the police. I've made a statement to police and spoke to social services who are looking into it, but it seems things move slowly to get all these agencies involved even when things are as worrying as this. I have since spoken to her mum who has denied anything happened, that the new partner is staying and that there is nothing to worry about. My daughter has opened up to an impartial family friend about this a few days ago, she's clearly said what she has seen and is clearly worried.
I cannot let this continue. Mum and new partner have an abusive relationship and my daughter is being subjected to things that will damage her and she is showing signs of being very traumatised. She deserves to be raised in a loving, happy environment and I feel, along with my wife and imminent new baby to be the parent that can better provide this. I have been in a relationship with my wife for 6 years.
Is there any way I can obtain an emergency residence order and what are my chances of this happening? I collect my daughter this weekend for 3 days with me. I plan to stop contact with mum, apply for an emergency residence order and make school aware of my position. I've already notified school of these events. Any help would be hugely appreciated.
I would contact Children's services again - ideally, if they can take your daughter away from the mother, and then place her with you, you will have a strong starting point. Otherwise, is there any way your daughter can contact you when it's particularly bad, so you can get the police round? If they submit a report, that could help you a lot.
Hi there
This is so worrying for you, I agree that your daughter does need to be protected, but as you say, the various agencies are slow to act. The quality of response from social services varies wildly from area to area so there's no way of knowing what position they will take. They will usually say that it's up to you to protect your child and advise taking legal advice.
May I ask if you are named on her birth certificate? What support, if any, would you receive from your ex's mother and are you able to speak to her about this?
The trouble is that it's your word against hers, she is now denying that there is a problem and if there's no history of drug abuse it will be difficult to get the authorities on board.
If you are named on the birth certificate, you already have Parental Responsibility and if you intend to keep hold of your daughter, it's important to make an emergency ex parte application for a Prohibited Steps Order and a Child Arrangements Order for your daughter to live with you, both can be applied for using form C100, the fee for submitting this is £215. I would strongly advise that you also complete supplementary form C1a to tell the court about the serious risk of harm to your child. Ex parte means that they will not inform the mother prior to the emergency hearing taking place.
It's best to take the form into the court personally and speak to the office about the seriousness of your daughters position, that she is currently at risk of serious harm, in that there are drugs and domestic violence involved and you have involved the police and Social Services. They should get you in front of a judge straight away, or at least within 48 hours, but you must impress upon them how traumatised your daughter is for them to act quickly.
It would also be helpful to prepare a brief position statement to take to the hearing, a couple of pages explaining a bit about the background, your concerns and what you would like the court to do. Whilst it's impossible to predict outcomes, it's most likely that the court will make an interim order for your daughter to remain with you, while they look into matters more closely. It would be at this point that the court would inform the mother of what has happened and set a date for the next hearing.
If you have any further questions please don't hesitate to ask.
Best of luck
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