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I have been separated 3 months and after first couple of weeks call contact stopped.
I am slowly working through the court process with my solicitor. It is claimed domestic violence and abuse occurred.(so you have the full picture)
Anyway Tuesday night I got a call at 10pm from my son (11). I missed the call and he left a message I then called straight back.
I spoke to him for 30 mins where he was very upset and displaying all symptoms of parental alienation repeating word for word my wife's views. He was angry with me (I left) and seemed to think I was living the good life. Reality is every day is a struggle
Listening to the message after it just said he needs me can I come over now. I play this now daily as I sit by myself crying.
I went there the following day (with my dad) and there was a horrible scene.
I knocked on door (I have a key as it is marital home)
It was answered on chain and told no - he has homework.
A struggle followed between my wife and child and he opened door and came out and hugged me.
We spoke briefly then he went inside
My wife shut door with continued physical struggle
He then went to a window and opened to continue talking
My wife then phoned police - with my son shouting no and contradicting what she was saying all the time on the phone.
We then felt obliged to stay as didn't want to leave my son in distress and didnt want to appear to 'flee the scene'
It was horrible being prevented from seeing my son, and seeing the struggle through the lounge window.
we waited 90 mins, sat in car on drive me telling my son not to struggle with his mum, no police and I had called non urgent number to see if they were coming
Eventually we left a tearful boy waving out The window as nothing else could be done.
I know I had been advised not to go to house but what could I do. My son was reaching out to me and I had to show him I was there.
I have no idea what repercussions will be? ( I have spoken to police that night and no criminal proceedings)
They do fill in a risk assesment and welfare report. Can I ask for these?
Anyway wanted to share this and pass on a message to all on here.
I still can't believe I don't have contact with my son (or the allegations) and was beginning to believe through the length of time without contact he didn't want anything to do with me (as many of you know you can go to some really dark places in this situation). This is clearly not the case and shows the influence the other parent can have. If you are in a similar situation I hope this gives you hope.
So advice please
Should I ask for emergency court order due to conflict between wife and son?
Should I report to social services?(I don't want to do this)
Now to continue my long struggle. I wish you luck in yours.
The short answer is call your local court to arrange an emergency hearing. It may be you are requesting a transfer of residence...
I really feel for your son, hes trapped and isolated. If you have the opportunity, call him regularly and try to ascertain what it is he would like. It could be at his age hes just having one of those moments. Which kids do have, but its not worth chancing Imo.
I think I would have taken him out of the house to cool off and get himself straight with guiding words only a dad can give.
Wish you all the best.
I agree with Yoji, I don't think this can be left and I feel you need to be push for an emergency order on the grounds of physical and emotional abuse. Give the Social Services a call and discuss your concerns, they may not be interested in parental alienation, but if she is physically restraining him and he is displaying such distress, then this is emotional as well as physical abuse. State that you feel your child is at risk and they should act.
At 11 years old his wishes and feelings will be listened too, he is entitled to have a relationship with both of you and he shouldn't be being used as a weapon to hurt you... the split obviously has an impact on him, but he should be receiving reassurances from both of you that he is loved by you both and your bond and the need for quality time with him should be respected. She is hurting you both.
I would also call his school and speak to the head about any behavioural or emotional problems that he may be displaying and ask for them to be aware of the home situation and perhaps offer his some pastoral support...he need to be able to talk about what is happening and anything he talk about with the pastoral adviser is confidential.
It's good that you had your father with you, it might be a good idea for you both to sit down and write a statement about what happened when you went to the house... It's probably a good time to start a diary and record everything that happens as this may prove helpful in court.
Best of luck with it all.
I might also be inclined to make sure your son knows how to phone the police - if he feels that he's physically in danger, then getting the police there (hopefully with you not too long after) is going to give him another option.
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