[Solved] Advice and questions, want contact with my son

Hi, sorry to read about your situation.

What were you arrested for ? Domestic violence allegations will always be taken very seriously, I had to defend against the same allegations twice in my case. Has she applied for a non-molestation order ? One thing I would certainly do if I was in your shoes is to make a "subject access request" from your local police authority. This is essentially a freedom of information request where they will give you whatever data they hold about yourself. This way you will have an official document showing exactly how serious or not the arrest was. In my case it was helpful, because the ex called the police once, and then tried to make it look a lot worse than what it actually was, and the subject access request showed she was lying, which helped.

I know it's not easy, but I wouldn't worry too much about petty little arguments she starts. My ex used to do the same, would invite me with hardly any notice to see our son. Try not to worry too much about this, it takes you off balance and distracts you from the things that actually matter. It doesn't help you and it may well backfire on her if it shows that she is being unreasonable. What I found helps is to take a deep breath, and be nice to them. It throws them off balance, they are expecting you to be rude, and when you're nice they don't know how to react, and ultimately, it's the best thing for your son.

I would give mediation as good a shot as your ex is willing to give it. In my case, it helped that we had a previous mediation agreement, and even though that subsequently broke down, I was able to get quite a bit of it reinstated in court.

If you do end up i court ( honestly, try mediation if possible, don't rush to court, it backfires when you do), the judge/magistrates will be asking themselves:

- Is it safe for your son to be with you ?
- Are you going to care well for your son and contribute to his/her development ?
- What kind of work arrangements have you got in place and how do they fit in with the time you will be spending with your son ?

You'll need to have very good answers ready for those and you will succeed. There was even another member who was in a similar position to you (he had also been arrested), who got 50/50 shared care because he was able to prove it was all lies, and being self employed was able to reduce his hours and absorb the financial hit so he could be with his son.

But for this to be possible, you need to be prepared to take things slow, accept that it will take time and won't happen overnight, take really good care of yourself, stay in a good place both mentally and physically, be very patient, and just be nice to the ex. That's how you get them.

Wish you well, your son needs you.

dont apoligise about bothering us, its what we are here for and hello 🙂

As suggested get that copy from the police and did the police give you any paperwork when they discharged you?

The texts are nothing to worry about as they are selective texts unless she has something that she could prove is domestic violence? and i mean anything!!

Ive seen people be accused of domestic violence just because they said "you deserve everything thats coming to you"

its seen as a threat and the courts do not like that one bit

Hi There,
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As already said don't be sorry we are here to help.
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You will have the same txt as her so I would start to transcribe these write them exactly as they are written including txt speak and spelling mistakes (if there are any) that will give a full story rather than just the selected parts she has screen shots of, this will then give perspective to the judge.
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I would send a recorded letter to her asking for conversations to start around contact, if she doesn't reply or you can't get any where then move to mediation and then court if required afterwards.
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DV claims can slow down the court proccess if they are still active as the judges can sometimes want them dealt with before hearing cases,
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GTTS