[Solved] Additional contact required for 3 year old son

Hi guys to update you with the latest.

The forces unfortunately of nature have been against me since my application over a month back. I am on my third attempt to now resubmit my C100 forms to vary the order and specific issue and Prohibited Steps Order.

cut a long story short,

First submission was returned because no payment was made of £215. The forms were returned without the cheque which i have photocopies off. Subsequently i had to pay to cancel my cheque.

2nd Submission was returned this time with the new cheque i had written out, but they was requesting 3 photopies of the C100 form - which again i did

3rd Submission lucky lets hope!

It has been really frustrating as to how incompetent the court service was in handling this..i thought i was going crazy and could not believe my luck!

Worryingly within this difficult period i have been met with my challenges with my only son/child. he is a good very smart boy for his age, but he is beginning to say things to me randomly which is deeply concerning and i suppose the first light of evidence where his mother is brainwashing him against me and signs of parental alienation. All the while she is making him available to me she is very much aligning him to agree with her and alienate me from his life, such as school, medical, holidays and additional contact

So far he has always hesistated wanted to go back to his mothers after spending time with me and my family but i always encourage him (both sides) and i never bad mouth her whether he is around or not despite the way she is. Call me paranoid but ill give you several examples of what has been happening lately which is ... would appreciate advice on what to do because im losing hope - he will be 4 in September. This has come on very sudden in the last couple of months where his mother is aware i am pushing to be apart his life more and she is uncooperating and the fact that i have been unemployed for 6months and not able to pay CSA. These points below have got me worried and im unsure how to deal with it

1- engaging in adult conversation - he is repeating to me what obviously his mom says which is not age appropriate and random. For instance saying rude words casually F's, B's and S4it...and more so daddy you are a swear word...you are a disgusting man.

2 - When i praise him and say you are my number 1 favourite person and good boy - he can turn around and say quite upsettingly 'im not number 1 im number three because you have other children. My mommy doesnt like you..

3- Daddy you tell lies - again randomly when its time for food or when i am disciplining him for not listening..i get outraged but dont show it as i just want to lay into the liars that are his mother and her parents and how she and they have been exposed but i dont. When i deny am a liar and ask him what do i lie about - he strongly and angrily points to me you are - which is almost is reminiscent of how people want to beat something into your head so that is how you would automatically think.

4- During times when he needs discipline or he doesn't get his way or when he is frustated he becomes very violent and angry and no matter how much i try to calm him he gets worse, tries to scratch and dig in deep, kick and now starting to throw his toys. He would always listen and calm down when i hold him but not lately. I reluctantly hold back thinking i cant be harsh with him because i only have him weekends and would feel guilty... i dont see him behave this way at his mothers.. he has the immaturity where he does not respect boundaries no matter how strong i lay it to him, for instance if i take the tablet away from him.

5 - My Nanny told me that some boys daddys dont give their mommy money...what business does she have telling my son who is under 4 this...this got me outraged because the whole point of my marriage failing and them taking my child in was due to an immature child of an ex wife whose mother was behind her coaching her on how to control me. Now they have my child and using his as a weopen against me. What can i do to combat these dellusional toxic people who are not benefitting my child but their own selfish egos and fantasy's

6, i want to go to mommys- ok why do you want to go to mommys. Because she misses me. This was the first time two weeks ago we are in the park having fun and riding his balance bike. When he has too much fun he suddenly is now recalling his mother..i believe he is told that he is not allowed to have fun at his daddys because mommy misses him ..[censored]

7. Daddy Im not going to be your son anymore, im going to get another man to be my daddy. The fact that he uses the word I as he is indicates he is only repeating his mothers words.

I fear now for my sons wellbeing and his mind, because no child should undergo that amount of stress, which probably explains why he does not want to eat. they are emotionally abusing him the same way that they tried to do with me.

These are people who did not have audacity to make me aware that my son was born all because i didnt accept ex wife mother wish of keeping her daughter and my son 3 months before birth and 40 days after. She then left me upon her mothers instructions 1 month before she was due. She refused to come home all the while. 3 months after my son was born i decided I had enough of her and told her i did not want her back, they then refused access and took my child away from me for 3months until he was 15months not allowing any access or communication and until i got my contact order.

She is allowing my basic contact each weekend without fail to look good based on record all the while covertly as a long term goal is poisoning him against me.

I am in the process of submitting my third application for shared residency more involvement in child life such as a parenting plan etc. I am enclined to get social services involved. these people are not fit for the wellbeing of my son and i dont trust them, they only him because of a golden uterus complex and one sided law - his mother is a child and not fit to be a mother. I just dont know how to bring this in front or court or any service and for them to take me seriously. There is always a game being played with them or scheming to try and get one over. I want to put a stop to it as i am fed up and am considering unleashing my rage that has built up inside of me.

Hi guys,

So an update to my last post to let you know whats been happening, and what is an uphill struggle and trying to jump through hoops.

My application eventually went through to the courts accompanied with a strong letter questioning her abilities and more recently the emotional abuse she has been subjecting my child to. I have been feeling helpless knowing that all i can do is keep building my sons self esteem and staying strong for him.

I have had three hearings one of which she never showed up, 2 dispute resolutions and my final hearing is set for the end of December. Thus far i have been successful in obtaining my sons nursery and medical information. I have since met with the school however she made the decision of which school he was going to attend without discussing with me. I have raised on so many occasions that it is not the case she is unwilling to discuss anything with me, its that she is completely incapable of making any decisions. She cannot answer direct questions, yet the court in the last two hearings it seems dont read any of the statements and still urge us to discuss.

I have decided to represent myself in this matter so that i can be heard as i have experienced recently being represented whilse she isnt the courts provide her with unecessary sympathy. Since then i have raised points about setting a parenting plan which clearly defines Education, holidays, Christmas, Birthdays, Holiday Abroad and Child arrangements. I also expressed how concerned i am with the negative comment being made in front of my son by the mother and her family.

My son is very aware that his mother and her family do not like me, are instilling loyalty conflicts as well as a campaign of denigration against me and he is being taught abusive language by calling me a 'ba#t@rd and you f''k up'. These are some of the phrases that he is subjected to i have a list which i wont share. She also makes a point in front of my son during handover when he is taking toys ' oh another toy' so that he becomes reluctant to take his toys with him. He is becoming very disgruntled, confrontational and losing confidence.

She now has to respond to my comments in my statement as well as the emotional abuse. She repeatedly request evidence but im not going to make a big deal of it in front of my son or even attempt to record my contact where he can randomly have his outbursts. The courts however were trying to force me to remove the emotional abuse which i was extremely annoyed about. My question to them was 'why is it you are able to minimise and want to completely overlook my genuine concerns which are factual and documented and let her get away with it which is ultimately incentivising her to continue'?. It gives the message that courts dont care and promoting the abuse. I also stated that i had allegations of abuse against me all unfounded and i had to go through a fact find. She now has to respond.

I also made a point with regards to wanting to take my son to a trip abroad for a few days. in court she agreed to make my son available and the order stated that she has to make the passport available by the 5th of Dec. I have since provided her with confirmation of flight and accommodation details. I am due to fly on the 9th and i have requested if she could make him available the night before.

She has replied saying that since my son is attending school (actually nursery part time not legally authorised or registered to be in full time school until he is 5) she is not authorised to my son leave from Nursery and needs school permission. She agrees to provide me the passport but not make my son available the night before as we are travelling the following morning and has not provided any reasons why. She is also dictating that i should be booking holiday during the half term period now and that i havent because of extra costs.

I am now conerned that i have little over a week left unitl i travel and she is not making my son available. I have asked her reasons why not and have given her few days to respond but she has blocked on all forms of communication and not replied. We still have a final hearing end of this month so it would be good for her to show willingness but she just doesnt get it. What options do i have holiday is all booked and paid for, i have spoken with the nursery and they stated as i thought they are unauthorised to give permission as my son is 4 and attending preschool so they do not object and have no issue his being absent providing that i have made them aware which i have.

What options do i have as i am facing the possibility of not having my son made available and my costs for the holiday going down the toilet with a little week left to go.??

Any help or advice anyone??

Hi There,
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Your ex is clearly playing games, But if she is saying your son will be available on the morning you travel, then at the moment she isn't saying that she won;t allow him to go, I think this would be your biggest issue, I guess even if you are travelling very early as long as she is prepared to make him available in time then she as yet still hasn't broken the order or agreement.
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My experience isn't as good on this sort of thing so my advoce is limited.
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GTTS

Hi there

Sorry for the delay in responding...if you have an order to take your son away and she is to provide you with his passport and make him available, then you should write urgently to the judge that made the order and state that she is refusing and using excuses that don't stand up, that your flights are booked with no way of recouping the costs. Be ready to put in an urgent application to add new directions to the existing case, better that you attend at the court in person with the letter for the judge, the court office staff are usually quite helpful in such situations.

She was suppose to make his passport available by the 5th. She agreed that she agrees to give me his passport on the 3rd which is today. My son who is 4 attends nuresry and of preschool age. Last week she stated unless the school authorises his leave for 3days she will agree. The school sent a letter i presume after speaking with her saying they cannot authorise it under section 444 of education act. Because of that reason she is saying she is not giving me the passport. Although i passed her today letter explaing this does not apply to my son as he is 4 and not of compulsory school age. She has not followed the court order and provided his passport today and she is also disguising her reasons for not wanting my son to go on holiday and using the school as an excuse. The school have complicated things even though acknowledging my son is not of compulsory school age over discussions and not registered due to being in nursery they have sent there standard letter saying they cant authorise and she is fully aware of this and milking it. We are suppose to leave friday am worried that she is still not playing ball what can the judges do in this case???

Ignore that he needs authorisation from pre school, as said it isn't compulsory!

If you contact the judge they made the order, first thing tomorrow, the judge can bring it straight back to court and contact her and order her to bring the passport into court with her. I would be asking the judge to award costs if she doesn't comply. It would be better for you to attend at court in person, you may well be able to get ion front of them straight away.

Best of luck

thank you, i have not been provided my sons passport and as a result of questioning where is it on 3rd December i was not given an explanation. She agreed to provide me his passport on the 3rd and logically no later than 4th as i only get my son weekly on the weekend. Before handover was to take place she sent me a threatening text that she aims to collect my son at a police station accompanied with a police officer due to my threatening and aggressive behaviour regarding sons passport on 3rd. It was a good job i had video recorded it and proves there was no aggression or threats. I continued to the place as stated in exisiting order for handover of which she was late and lying to the police trying to force me to go to the station to do handover. I refused and clearly spoke to the officer on the phone (as she was calling constantly yelling me instructions) stating she is lying to you order does not state drop off at stations please accompany her to the usual place where handovers are consucted i am waiting and i will present you with the documents (i always carry court order).. She arrived without police 20 - 30mins late due to causing a engineered unecessary drama and began trying to open car door and hitting my car window. I began recording the ordeal repeatedly asking her to move away from the vehicle as i am going to handover our son and cannot if she is behaving in an erratic way.. her behaviour was aggressive, erratic and emotional and was clearly upsetting my son. He was telling her to go away, 'i dont like you' to his mother - all in the recording. i was upset that my son had to see this he was not able to deal with it and should not be sbjected to this. I told him not to worry offered him comfort, his mother loves him and he should too and not say things like that and said this is not your fault. I was extremely reluctant to give her my son in her state - i perhaps shouldnt have. I have to make recordings to make myself feel safe due to how vindictive she is, and this is just an example in a way to protect myself.

This was all because she is unable to cope with my son going holioday with me, instead when agreeing in court is now using the school as an excuse for not releasing the passport or making my son available. Disguising her true motives behind the school even though it does not apply.

I have since drafted a letter to take with me to court tomorrow explaining the situation as you advised. My only fear is they just waste my time whilst making pay yet another fee. I dont know who i should go and see and apply what are the steps will my matter be seen on the day??

Hi There,
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This sounds awful, It's lucky that you recorded it and hopefully a Judge will allow you to show this when you go back to court.
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I don't know if you would get in court on the same day, but Mojo has more experience than I do and she has suggested in the last post that you may be able to so it's hopeful.
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I wish you all the luck in the world and I think you may need it with this case, please let us know how you get on.
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I have removed your childs name from the posts also.
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GTTS

Thank you, i have since been to court and nobody was willing to help me because they felt that they cant provide legal advice. So i went to PSU and got some help to fill a C79. I paid the fee and was about to see a judge for the morning of today. All though she clearly stated to me on the weekend she was not going to hand me the passport because school not going to authorise leave and then falsifying that i am threatening and aggressive to the police, the order states that she has to provide me the passport no later than the 5th which is today. So in theory if the court were to contact her she could say she is willing to give me the passport and still not.

This way to avoid disappointment i opted to pay for my application today and then seek an appointment with the judge tomorrow at 10.30 enforcing her to release the passport and making my son available meanwhile paying for my application fee. If she still breaches that and i am unable to go on holiday (which is very likely) i will go back for my holiday costs, my time off work and application fee.

I also spoke with the education enforcement officer explaining my situation and why the school rejected leave of absence, he was very empathetic and told me exactly that it does not apply to my son as he wont be of statutory school age until January 2018! It is normal procedure for school to go straight to them, the first they do is check the dob of a infant if they do not apply as it does with my son they reject it. So he confirms that if i take him both parents are not liable for fines or legal action,. im waiting to have this in writing as it would be helpful for my final hearing end of of this month.

Im quite upset today and thinking all day of my son the fact that he was being caught up and in the middle of his obstructive mother. All the while she is passive aggressive and shouting the most, desperately trying to drag me in to her mess and level, gas lighting etc anything i say to defend myself or my son is being miscontrued or distorted by her with her magical lying and delusions. I am quite frankly becoming fed up of being the reasonable flexible one and having to see her put herself first instead of our son. One of the things that was playing on me was yesterday during her fiasco she kept saying 'why are you behaving this way', ' its not good in front of him' the one that concerns me most is 'where have you been for the last 2.5 years!?' - again all on video recording. She is projecting verbally whilst stabbing the knife! Is this normal for bitter ex wives or does she really have a screw loose. I know she is taking it out on my son also and clearly emotionally abusing him too a guardian needs to be place before my son. Better yet i need to be the sole parent / carer for my son.

Hi again,
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I have to say that we are seing more and more women act this way when they are losing the control, my ex was awful and turned up at my place of work and after I told her I wouldn't discuss things with her she let off a mouthful of abuse on her way out, in front of my work mates.
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It's staggering to think of the way they act, but I have to say after what I went through and reading the stories on this forum, nothing surprises me any more.
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I think that you did things the right way holding off until tomorrow to get in front of a judge, as you say, even if the judge would have acted on her not giving the passport over today which is unlickely as in theory she hasn't broken any order until the end the end of the day, at least going tomorrow she will be in breach of the order.
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I hope that you are able to take your son away, it sounds as though he is really going through it too.
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Keep us posted.
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GTTS

Good luck with the judge tomorrow, let us know how you get on and I hope you manage to get on holiday with your son.

Such an awful experience for you both, she's not going to do herself any favours for your final hearing!