[Solved] Additional contact required for 3 year old son

Could you link it so that I could have a read...there's so much conflicting information on the web, but you would think that CAFCASS should get it right!

Tbh without any safeguarding issues your gonna struggle to get shared residence. You could go down the hostility route.

But you have to consider the child's age in this. I once read some guidelines about ages and contact and for a 3 year old it said one over night a week and an afternoon in the week. When they get to around 4-5 it is every other Friday and Saturday over night and an afternoon on the week without the overnights.

Im not sure what you mean by the hostility route. I did all that fighting in court to get access which i was successfull. I would like to remain civil but prepared for whatever to get to spend more time with my boy.

Where did you read the guidelines and they cant be that rigid? I dont want sole residency i want shared residency and more contact. I have him overnights every weekend and on odd occasions iv had him in the week too but very rarely. Ideally more time with him is a priority perhaps an extra day midweek and generally more involvement in his life.

Iv not recieved a response from her since writing to her since my proposal. I have at least tried but will need to go court i feel.

Hi sid, sorry to hear you haven't had a response as yet.

If there is still no reply, as you're aware the next step is to begin mediation. If she won't attend or your case is considered unsuitable, the mediator can stamp the forms for you to apply to the court.

In mediation or court, it's always good to ask for a little more than you would be happy with so that you can be seen as willing to 'compromise / negotiate'

Let us know if we can help further, good luck

Thank you all for your advice. I still havent had response from her since writing to her. I had him for oveenight during xmas and new year but nithing additional. I have sinced moved back and i think its time to proceed with mediation or court. I have a contact order in place for contact each weekend. I am prepared to maybe give each weekend for alternate long weekends so say one overnight in midweek, then long weekend fri-sun/mon depending on school drop offs. I am a little concerned regarding restrictions of not able to extend intil 4/5 yrs of age. How true is this i would be suprised if they declined.
Also if i have an order in place how to go about varying it?

I also want to start considering a parent plan if it does go to court so want to consider as many things as possible i.e holidays etc.

Hi sid

good luck with mediation, let's hope you might be able to reach some sort of agreement that way.

In terms of a court decision, there aren't any real guidelines on whether a court will allow what you're asking for with a 3 year old. Some judges will, some judges won't, unfortunately it's not possible to predict the outcome.

Perhaps you could consider asking for what you would like to happen and include a suggested period of progression from where you are now to what you would like.

Good luck

Sadly since writing to her about requesting additional contact 3 months ago and also requesting that i be informed which nursery school my son intends as well as being included as an emergency contact has been met with no response.

During the xmas period and new year after collecting and dropping off i have repeated asked for two weeks whether she can facilitate one day in the week, which is often met by No that she cant. I have now relocated back to my hometown so i can spend more time with my son. I have requested that i collect him from our usual spot 6pm on a week night and that either take him to nursery following day or return him to her. I dont think that is unreasonable.

After two weeks i asked again after dropping him off and she instantly said 'No and that ita too difficult and just turned and walked off with my boy', when i followed her asking difficult for who she responded by saying just forget about it and went her way.

Im finding it very frustrating dealing with someone who is very uncooperative. She does not say hello and pretends i do not exist during collection and handover, not that i exoect her too but this involves about communicating for our son. Its like what i say as a reasonable emotionally balanced adult regarding welfare for my son falls on deaf ears with her and their has been no attempts to help.

I am aware he attends nursery in the am dropped off by his mom and then he is collected by her parents but i have not been made aware where she sends him even though this was stated in the orginial contact order. Her and family do anything to try prevent me from existing in my sons life and i am sick of it. How is a person like this to get away with it i am enraged and fed up. How can you get your parents to do your donkey work when your son has a more than willing and capable father..??

This weekend i had to take my son to walk in centre yet again for a recurring chest infections 4weeks going to rule out possible asthma, she does not inform me of he is unwell or what she has attempted to help his situation. Few weeks prior he was complaining about a pain on the tip of his [censored] and was in real pain which i had to go and obtain medicine. I only have him on weekends what does this women do??? The walk in centre state he needs to see his own doctor..my response is his mother is uncooperative and unhelpful what you expect me to do.

I have sent another two letter this time in his handover bag requesting additional contact with my proposal and another letter that i be informed of his nursery school and i have threatened this time to take it to court. I am strongly considering investigating her for when i move for shared residency. I also feel considering i have had overnights each weekend since my son was 15month now 3.5years old i may get additional time and not alternate weekends. The judge had granted me this due to her being very unreasonabls in our contact case.

I am fuming today and will also contact mediation, im not sure if i need to write to the judge to vary the existing order and setup a parenting plan orwhether i apply again and pay the 250

Hi Sid

Unfortunately there's little you can do to change her attitude towards you.

It would be a good idea to keep a record of events regarding his visits to the medical centre and perhaps you could try and discuss this with her at mediation. you could also try and discuss more involvement with him whilst she is at work as far as collecting him from nursery. Have you looked at the CAFCASS parenting plan, you will find it in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section. It might be a good idea to print off a template, fill it out and take a copy of it to mediation with you as a basis to,start discussions.

Hopefully she will want to avoid a return to court and will agree further contact with you, if not the mediator will sign off the form for you to apply for a variation.

Best of luck

Hi Thank you for your positive comments just a quick update. I have been considering what to do and have finally submitted to court. The last 6 months i have attempted to request from the mother of our child is nearing 4 in September about increasing contact from weekly overnights on weekends. After our court hearings where we were told to communicate mostly directed at her, she was at least attempting to be civil but as time went on her attitude has changed yet again, i cant keep up.

Most of my requests for additional contact in particular in the week or making up lost contact, or time during my annual holidays have been completely ignored or unanswered. I try to stick with email she does not respond. I have also tried to obtain information regarding his school and where she intends to place him but again nothing. In the last month i decided to reach out to mediation and stated that i have sent her many letter and emails requesting time and school information she has not replied, she never any direct questions put to her anyway often clouding the situation so mediation is not an option. especially due to the nature of the allegations previously i just do not want to enagage any face to face conversation with her, i would like it to be strictly email about our son.

Whilst recieving mediation document signed i was considering whether i should vary the exisiting order for additional contact & shared residency for some reason i was delaying for some reason or another. I supposed being unemployed for 6 months due to redundancy in November last year does not help with costs. I must add that because of this i have not been able to pay CM.

Until 3 weeks ago when collecting my son she handed me a letter stating that my son was going to be unable for two weeks 16/17 &23/24 due to him travel abroad. I was startled by this especially a weeks notice. She did this a year ago as she went abroad with him but did not provide me with any information as to her travel plans. I do not object to her taking him abroad and have no problem with it, other than my rights are being ignored as if i do not exist. Im angered that she can do this without proof she actually has taken him abroad and used it as an excuse so she can prevent me to have usual contact with him. I have also requested that i take him on holiday but again ignored. What can i do to be more involved in my sons life even though i appear to be co-parenting with toxic ex wife and her toxic family.

I have yesterday applied to court for varying contact, specific issue, and prohibited steps order raising all these issues. i.e additional contact, education/medical information etc, and she requires my consent to take abroad with proof. i have also listed this a urgent hearing Ultimately i think a parenting plan needs to be in place which is concrete. I have often took a soft approach and been leniant towards her but now i want no mercy appraoch. I have not seen my son in two weeks now and i have missed him terribly, and is due to return to normal contact on 30th this week. I hope.!!!

I s there anyway i can find out which school/ nursery he attends other than when i go court.?? I must admit im not sure if going through court will result in me losing my weekly overnight weekends, she has not complained or mentioned anything in the last 2years, but i see it that why would a judge want to alter the routine of an infant who has regularly been seeing his father every weekend since he was 15months old.??

I think you have a valid case, I'm sure a court would instruct her to discuss education and medical issues with you so that she can seek your input and agreement. If you have applied as a matter of urgency then you're more likely to find out information about his school from there, but you could write to her local education authority and request this information from them.

Likewise about getting your permission to take him abroad, you have the right as a parent with PR to expect that too and I can't see any reason why the court wouldnt back you on that.

As far as increasing contact, its readonable to want contact to increase as your child gets older, whether they will agree to is difficult to predict as all judges are different, but you have a good chance I think.

All the best

Good luck Sid, I can't add anything to Mojo's advice there but let us know how you get on!