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I currently have my son who turned 3 in September every weekend for overnight stay via child carrangement order set by the court. I collect him saturday mornings and then return him sunday evenings. This has been going on since August 2014 and has gone well but i have been seeing him each weekend from January 2014. I have parental responsibility. However when ever i ask for additonal contact time she usually ignores or does not agree straight away. Yet when she he has required our son during my time i have accomodated her. I have usually asked to collect him on a Friday and return Sunday but she refuses stating that its too much for him and he becomes very clingy. I recently asked to have him midweek too as i now work from home majority of the time and he only lives 6 miles away. Her response to that was 'its too difficult and just leave it'. I was annoyed to say the least that she just does not put him first as i dont think she spends much time with him in the week as she works full time whilst he stay with his maternal grandparents.
It has come to the point where i feel my son needs to spend more time with me. He is usally very clingy with me too and often now tells me he doesnt want to go his mama house when its time for him to return and i feel that he needs more time. I assure him that he has to go back and his mother is waiting for him. When i ask him why he doesnt want to go back he responds back saying that' he doesnt want to go because his mama is yucky and that she is not a very good person. However, in the mornings when he awakes we talk and he sometime mentions his mom asking where is she, which i can tell he misses her as every child would. I do feel concerned my son is stating things such as this at 3 years of age, but i dont know what to make of it. he obviously loves his mother and he loves me too. I never bad mouth her to him and i always state that his mommy is good despite how my relationship eneded with her. I can only imagine that because he is becoming aware that she must be filling his head already about me being a b****d and that i dont be with him all the time because i dont love him rubbish. She is a habitual liar, emotional bully and master manipulator.
She on the other hand has refused to communicate about further comntact or which school or day nursery he attends or where she intends to send him. I want frequent time with him weekly and i do not want to lose out on every weekend, as my son is use to this. I also want shared residency. I wrote a letter to her a month back proposing extra time and requesting she notifies me about his school or we should discuss which school he should go to. But she has not responded and i dont believe she intends to.
Im not sure how to deal with this matter, in terms of requesting more time, residency or being concerned with what my child is saying about his mother. It breaks my heart and want to protect him. can someone share if they have had similar experience and what they did.
Hi there
It's obvious that she will continue to ignore your requests for more involvement and in this situation mediation would be your first option. As she has had experience of going through court she may agree to more contact and to including you in decisions about his nursery and school to avoid further court action.. If she were aware that you would be prepared to return to court to vary the order she may back down.
As Mojo has said, mediation would be your first point of call as it is mandatory to attempt it before making an application to court. I agree if the mother knows you will return the matter to court, she might be more open to negotiation.
One point I would consider if you are thinking of taking the matter back to court - you mention you have your son every weekend, a court might not want to increase the overnight stays every weekend so that your son has some weekend time with his mother too. A very bog standard arrangement is usually alternate full weekends with each parent, one midweek overnight and a share of holidays and special occasions.
Good luck
Thank you guys.
Mediation wont work with her as she never answers question s put to her, quite frankly i cant speak with her due to the nature of the allegations she put before me previously. She stated that she actually enjoys the court process..suppose it gives her a feeling of some self worth with a biased system.
I hope that we can avoid court and come to an agreement but she wont. What other options are there to avoid mediation. I dont see why a judge has to decide if i say i can have my son each weekend and one night in the week weekly too but he lives with his mother...
Would i be able to apply for residency as this is what i am aiming for
Hi
Unless you can agree between yourselves, the only choices are mediation or court. Attempting mediation is mandatory before being allowed to make a court application, if she refuses to attend, attends but won't agree or the mediator assesses as not suitable - they will stamp the C100 so that you can apply for a variation of the order.
You can apply for whatever you feel is in the best interests of your son, it might be more realistic to apply for shared residency than sole residency. A change of residency is rarely considered unless there are safeguarding issues for the child.
I will do that thanks, my error i n that it was not sole residency but for shared residency. I dont feel there is safeguarding risks but i am cincerned regarding what he says sometimes at random about his mother.
My son classes my house as his home too, he understands both mommy and daddy have houses and are both his home. I want be included in his upbringing and decision making, and his mother doing everything to avoid or prevent me from doing so. I have pointed out that i will collect and return him from school or nursery too thus giving her a break. I have no idea at the moment what he does in the week or if he attends school etc..is there alternative way to find out or do i have to go back to court
Has anyone managed to obtain shared residency please share your experience.
Here is a link to the Custody Minefield Parental Responsibility menu, it gives advice on how to exercise PR in matters of education and medical. Might be a start for you.
Shared residency doesn't necessarily mean 50/50 and many of our members have been successful in obtaining such an order. Hopefully some will share their experiences with you.
http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/parentalresponsibility.html
Hi there,
I am in a similiar arrangment, your ex and my ex sounds like they are sisters : ).
I can not offer any advice but can understand your situation. It's worth noting, in legal terms there is no such thing as shared residency anymore, it's now Live with and Spend time with. You can put what you want and propose first to your ex through mediation and then to the court.
Wish you all the best, please let us know how you get along.
Hi Rob
Sorry to have to correct you but there is shared residency and it is written as lives/resides with mum on x days and lives/resides with dad on x days, as opposed to lives with and spends time with, which replaced residence and contact.
Hey Mojo,
Maybe you are correct, what I meant was the word "shared residency" is not used any more.
Here's some further information on it....it is more recently referred to as shared living arrangements, but the term shared residence is still used too.
http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/sharedlivingarrangements.html
I got that information from CAFCASS, will read through the link you provided.
Thanks Mojo.
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