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Hi Dads. I am a father who has never spent a night alone with my daughter. My ex partner wont let her stay at my flat. She wont let me take her to my my mother her grandmother who she has no relationship with. My daughter doesnt like it when i carry her in the park she screams and crys but less with her mother. I worry that my ex has turned my daughter away from me by her screaming and bullying. I left the family home over a year ago. I have tryed and tryed to get on with my partner but nothing works we argue a lot and she does odd things like ignore the fact i am allergic to all the cat hairs in her house. Which makes it very difficult for me to spend time there without taking anti histermines.
To summarise. I want my daughter to stay at my flat 2 or 3 nights a week. In order for me to brush her teeth correctly ( something that mother sturuggles with and so i can read her stories. She loves pop up books. I took on a part time job so i could spend more time with her. But i only ever get to see her at the missus house and it makes me sad to be there as it brings up bad memorys and we always end up falling out over things like. Taking my daughter to see her grandmother which is currently forbidden.
What is the best approach. Do i go for a court order? I have attempted mediation she wont have it. She wont do councilling either.
Id like the court to allow me to look after her 3 nights a week. I feel that is fair. I would have her 7 days a week if missus would let me
I on a low income so im not keep on a lawyer. But any advice welcome
Hi,
As you mentioned you attempted mediation, can mediator give you paperwork to state that mediation failed/not suitable? Would need that to make court application.
You can apply for a child arrangements order online: https://apply-to-court-about-child-arrangements.service.justice.gov.uk/
If your on low income, may be able to get help with fees for paying for court application (£232), form ex160. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/apply-for-help-with-court-and-tribunal-fees
That must be hard for you. Just wondering if you are on your daughter's birth certificate? If not, you may have to apply for parental responsibility. There is a helpful guide to applying for a child arrangements order without a lawyer on the www.advicenow.org.uk website which will take you through it step by step.
Hi dad8516,
Thank you for sharing your situation. I cannot offer any advice on the legal aspect of things, but I would like to offer some suggestions as to how you can build the relationship with your daughter as and when you are able to spend time with her. With the weather hopefully now getting better, try to spend time with your daughter outside as much as you can, where you are both in a neutral environment. Perhaps a park with amenities, so you can have time to be together without any interruptions. 1-1 time is also to be encouraged, but in this time your daughter would be able to choose what activity she does with you. What does she enjoy doing/playing with ? It maybe that she asks for you both to watch a film together or make something, or read a book together, but whatever it is, it must be led by and thought about from your daughter. It sounds like it is stressful for you both when you meet up together - perhaps your daughter could bring along a favourite teddy/comforter to help with this transition from one parent to another? I understand it can't be nice for you when your daughter is visibly upset when you are trying to comfort her. Would you be allowed to do a video call at some point during the week where you could maybe read her a story, and discuss with her Mum if that's possible, what activity you'll do together the next time you meet. Activities with children don't need to cost a lot of money, if you go online you will find lots of low/no budget ideas of things to do.
I think also, as hard as it must be for you, when you are in your old family home spending time with your daughter, try to remember that you are there because you love and care for your daughter and you want what is best for her. You could make a memory book with her and each week add something to the page - things that have happened in her week that she enjoyed and for you too. Despite the differences that you and your ex partner have, your daughter still has a mum and a dad and both of you play an important role in her life.
As a side note, there are some great resources out there for helping children to brush their teeth, and you could make a reward chart with your daughter and keeping Mum in the loop too, which may encourage her that if she brushes her teeth well 5 times out of 7 (ie a week) she receives a little reward. Over time as her teeth brushing becomes a habit, she will be able accept that as part of her daily routine.
I hope this is helpful, and I wish you well. Take things one day at a time and keep telling your daughter how much she means to you and that you love her very much.
Kind Regards,
Parent Support Volunteer
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