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I have 3 children that are 12,15 and 16 my 15 and 16 year olds choose when they come and stay direct with me but my daughter who is 12 years comes regualrly 3 nights a week,but is being told by her mum when she can come even if she is free.
Me and her mother do not communicate as it always ends in arguments,and she is now saying my daughter has to come and stay when she says and that my daughter has no say.
I work part time and work shifts and have explained that when i am working nights i am not home and her mother has said that i have to get my partner to have her instead.
I have read that if the child is old enough to communicate and make arrangements with me herself and is mature enough to make decisions that we can do this between ourselves,so me and my daughter can arrange when she is free and when i a not working and have contact is this true?,
I am the non resident parent and understand that my access is for me to spend time with my children and not to just have them when her mum is working am i right with this?
thanks dave
Hi and welcome
Is there a contact order, or has this always been just by arrangement between you and your ex? (well agreement to the extent that your ex hasn't stopped it).
As the parent with care, if there is no contact order, then your ex can say when contact happens and your daughter doesn't have any say in it - as things stand at the moment. If it came to getting a contact order, because of her age, a court would certainly listen to your daughter and take her views into account, but they do realise that sometimes arrangements have to be worked around the working hours of the parents. Basically, there would probably need to be some give and take on both sides, and on this basis, it seems that the best way to go is to try mediation to see if you can both come to an agreement with an independant person to keep the peace.
hi thanks for reply. i do not have a contact order in place. but i do have 50% custody as set out in my divorce. at present i have my daughter 3 nights and mother has 4 nights (3 1/2 days each) each week, i am available usually at least 5 or 6 nights a week inc weekends as i only work 1 maybe 2 nights at most per week .my rota is on a monthly basis and i offer to have her what ever 3 nights out of whats left each week to come a month in advance but her mother is wanting me to have a set agreement with set days each week, as my rota cannot be set i am unwilling to do so as i do not have any network of childcare available( i moved near her family 15 yearsago, my family live 80 mile away). also to add more problems, her mother and grandmothers family are religious and go to 'meetings' each tuesday night and sunday daytime every week but the mother says this has to kept to and i cannot have her these days. which leaves it a little tight to sort out my access but her mother is unwilling to accept mediation or contructive comunication direct with me, everything has to be arranged via my 12 year old daughter who gets very aggitated and upset and feels trapped in the middle which i am keen to avoid. thanks again for your time reading and helping.
Hi
Thanks for that information - I think the best thing I can do at the moment is to ask our legal experts to give an opinion, so keep checking back.
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your question.
In relation to contact by virtue of mother being the resident parent she can choose when contact is to take place. If mother is not willing to negotiate on contact the next step is to try mediation. You can contact National Family Mediation on 0300 4000 636 to discuss this further. If mother doesn’t agree to mediation or mediation is not successful then you can apply for a contact order. If the matter does go to court because of your daughter's age her wishes and feelings would be taken into consideration and potentially given a great deal of weight. The courts will also take into account working situations and try and devise an agreement that is going to be workable for all parties involved. The courts will want to know why mother has been difficult and why she is restricting contact, courts promote contact with both parents and contact is the right of the child. Courts really only like contact to be restricted where the child is at risk of harm and there are welfare concerns.
If you require any further advice do not hesitate to contact us. You can contact us via our webchat facility which can be found at http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=web_chat or contact us on 0808 802 0008.
Yours sincerely,
Coram Children’s Legal Centre
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