[Solved] Access and legalities.

Hi Rik

First of all welcome to DadTalk

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties especially at this time of year. It certainly sounds as though you need to get this sorted out particularly if your ex is calling the shots.

Our legal team are great and will be able to assist in your question - please bear with us as things are still trying to catch up after the Christmas break.

I hope you get things sorted and I send my best wishes for 2010

Regards

Mario

thanks,

This has now gotten elevated. I called my ex to arrange picking my daughter up for the weekend only to be told this isn't possible as they have Moved away from Manchester without telling me. My sister's friend lives near them and saw the moving van. They are in Grimsby and I'm contacting every day and getting told different reasons why i can't talk to my own daughter. My ex has even told the CSA about the change of arrangements. Now, the reason i got as to why i was not informed is this...

"if i discussed it with you, you'd only get upset and try to stop me moving away!" - [censored] right i would, My daughter is my life, i do not want her to be so far away that i cannot see her every weekend!

I am going to seek advice with my local CAB as well as from the CSA as surely there is something they can do to help me get proper contact as well as possibly realize the fact that i can barely afford to live as it is (i got left with debt by her which £200 a month goes on and £152 at the moment goes to CSA which i'm not going to dispute at all but, honestly, if she's living with a partner AND receiving benefits it's a bit dodgy). my living expenses are minimal, i'm lucky i have a good job...

anyway, given this recent turn of events my daughter is on the other side of the country and i've not seen her in over a week. I'm sorry to moan, but i really need to vent this and if there's anyone who can point me in the right direction that would be awesome.

thanks.

Hi Rik,
I might be saying what you already know... but it could be good time spent while waiting for the expert response.
I am sure that I have seen some of your difficulties discussed in other posts on the forum... So it is probably worth reading through a few other threads, and trying to do a few searches inside the forum.
/orange

thanks dude, some helpful things on here. 🙂 )

Does anyone know roughly how much a contact order is likely to cost or accumulate costs in a UK court? I really need to get the ball rolling on a limited budget and i'm not sure if my salary qualifies me for legal aid. Thanks.

Rik,

I was in a similar position, and can offer this advice:

To get a court order it will cost £175, and you can go through the process without a solicitor. However, before that stage, you need to request mediation. You can do this again without a solicitor, but I would imagine you would need to send the request to her solicitor so that it is recognised, else she could claim to have never received it.

The CSA can adjust the payments you make based on the costs you incur in visiting Mollie. To try and give you an estimate of how it works, without confusing you, the ask how much it costs to see your child each week, and you have to justify this (trin tickets, fuel costs etc). Then they disregard the first £15 per week, I assume this is regarded as acceptable expenditure to see your child. What is left, they deduct from your net weekly pay, and then work out the 15% payment from there. It really never works out as it should though as you will always have to pay 85% of the travle costs to see your child.

As for changing Mollie's name, she cannot do this if your name is on the birth certificate, without your written consent.

She can stop you seeing Mollie whenever she wants I am afraid, even if you agree visitation through mediation. Even a court order doesn't stop her preventing you access, just means that somehow, in some way, at some time she will be punished for it.

I am slightly luckier in that my ex allows me to see my son but is trying to tie it down so tightly that my job won't allow it. I am currently in communication with her solicitor but intend to go through it all without legal representation.

Good luck, but to be honest, going to court should be your priority in order to 'guarantee' seeing Mollie.

Dear Rik,

We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.

From what you have said there appears to be no court orders in place at present, which means that it is for the person that your daughter lives with to control the contact that she has with other people, including the other parent.
This is because it is the child’s right to see their parents, a parent does not have a right to see their child unless there is a contact order in place. The rights of the child are exercised by the person that a child lives with until they are able to exercise them for themselves (approximately when they become a teenager, but absolutely at 16 years old) and this is how your ex is able to refuse you contact with your daughter.

Although you have a long standing agreement regarding when you see your daughter this will not be legally binding or enforceable, even if it had been made using solicitors, as an agreement can be altered by either party at any time. However if the matter does go to court the fact that this agreement is in place can be used to show that it was intended that you see your daughter and the mother had also agreed to this and had no concerns regarding the contact.

To make any contact that you have with your daughter legally binding and enforceable, you would be required to gain a contact order. You can do this yourself without instructing a solicitor and it is quite common that people do this.

The first step would be to write to the mother (it is recommended that if you write to her directly to keep a copy and send the letter recorded delivery, also keep the letter very calm and reasonable as it is likely to be viewed by the court if the matter progresses further), or her solicitor requesting that you attend mediation to try and reach a suitable agreement about the contact you have with your daughter. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610. If the mother refuses or does not respond to this you are then able to apply to court. If she agrees and you are able to come to an agreement you can ask the mediator about whether it is possible to have this placed into a consent order by the court (this would make the agreement legally binding).

You are able to apply to court at any time you wish, but it is recommended that mediation is suggested first as the court should be the last resort in any dispute and they do like to see that people have attempted to resolve the matter rather than making an application to court straight away.

If this situation does get to the stage where you feel that it is necessary to apply to court, then you are able to download the required forms from www.hmcs.gov.uk , and these are the C100, CB1 and CB3. The C100 is the application for the contact order, and the other two forms are guidance notes and offer further information and advice that is useful.
When you file the application it will be at the Family Proceedings Court closest to where your daughter is living at the time, and this is usually where proceedings are held, and there will be a fee of £175.
Unfortunately court proceedings can take some time, and an average case takes between 6 and 12 months from beginning to end, although in the meantime you are able to ask for interim contact until the full proceedings have been heard.

There is a lot of information regarding acting as a ‘Litigant in Person’ (representing yourself) on websites such as Families Need Fathers and www.elc.org.uk (under the law, UK court system sections) and these sites give information and tips on what you can do in court.

As a rule, the courts are very much in favour of granting contact between children and their parents as they believe that this is in the child’s best interests and there usually has to be extremely serious reasons for contact not to be granted.

If an order was granted it would state the days and times that you are to have your daughter, and if your ex partner breach the order it would be taken very seriously and you would be able to apply back to court and have this enforced, and your ex partner may be penalised for the breach.

As you have Parental Responsibility for your daughter, this gives you a right to a say in the major decisions affecting her life, and this would include changing her surname.
Your ex partner can not legally change your daughter’s surname without your consent. However she can allow her to be called by a ‘known as’ name and allow schools etc to know her by this name. This will not be your daughter’s legal name and all official documents such as passports etc would still be in her legal name (as it appears on her birth certificate).
If your ex partner is doing this and you are not happy, you are able to apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order, to stop her from doing this. You can apply for this on the same application and at the same time as the contact order if required.

The mother can contest this and ask that the court grant her permission to change your daughter’s name legally, but the court need very good reason to do this - especially since you have a relationship with your daughter, as they believe that a child’s name is an important part of their identity and family ties.

Unfortunately, there will be nothing that you can do regarding the mother moving from the area, although morally she should have discussed this with you, from a legal point of view she is able to move anywhere she wishes within the UK with your daughter and does not require your consent or agreement to do this, and the court will usually not prevent a resident parent from moving except in the small minority of cases.

We hope this information has been useful to you. Should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre

thanks for the reply,

I am currently chasing mediation although extremely busy at the moment with work and what not, i plan on trying them again on my lunch.

I have been in contact with my Ex yesterday and she was being extremely paranoid and trying to trick me in to blowing up at her. she ultimately wants a couple of days for Mollie to "settle" which, if asked, i would have happily agreed to, as a result i've stopped trying to contact until tomorrow. I just want to talk to my daughter at least if i can't see her at the moment.

My ex is totally unreasonable and, to be perfectly honest, would probably not attend mediation.

I would ideally like to get a contact order, so i'm going to apply to the courts as soon as i can get mediation out of the way (which is going to cost a bomb too, but it's worth it). After that, as soon as i've built up the security to buy a home, I hope to gain full custody. I do think Mollie would be better off with me. Maybe this is part of the reason My ex constantly puts me down and tries to pick at very small things like maybe leaving one sock in my dryer that she sent with Mollie etc.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. One small thing though, she won't give me her address now, could that be a problem. she just refuses to give it to me because she's that type of person.

Do keep trying to get the mediation organised. It will go in your favour if you are seen by the courts to have tried this avenue first.

It must be heartbreaking for you not to know where your daughter is living and I hope your ex will become more co-operative once she's had a few days to 'settle in'. It really is in Mollie's best interests to have you involved in her life. She needs to know that she still has two parents who love and care for her, even if you are apart.

Do talk to Families Need Fathers 0300 0300 363. www.fnf.org.uk as they will understand the issues here and give you the support you need right now.

I'll try mediation, i mean, she's unreasonable but she must be able to see that we need to sit down and talk. she might be happy with her little "happy family" but i'm Mollie's dad and i love her, nothing will change that.

Hopefully i'll be able to get transport etc for when i get to pick her up, i need to start driving but that's an expense that'll have to wait. i'll give those guys a bell asap.

Thanks.